An Out Of The Ordinary "feeling"

[cat]

I agree there is no cure for PTSD but there is a better & new life after it. I dont consider myself cured but I have 'recovered' from the horrendous place I was in.....not going out, afraid of my own shadow, frozen emotions, just wanting out of here.

Therapy taught me that yes, I've had a tough life but that doesnt need to define me for the rest of my life...we only have one chance at living Thinkingman & no one ever said it was easy, in therapy we learn to take the rough with the smooth. learn to embrace small achievements & gradually the bad times will be overcome.

Have you considered EMDR therapy, I had it in conjunction with medication & other talking therapies, some I didnt even understand but it all worked for me & I have a very stubborn streak in me....in fact my T didnt think she could work with me at first as i was so resistant to her usual methods.

Please try going back to therapy, you will never know if it works until you try, 12 wks is just not long enough!

 

[Thinkingman85]

Yes, I've considered EMDR therapy. I don't see how it could make me immune to my abusers when I run into them. I've believed for six years, as well as my friends, that the only way they will respect me is if I physically hurt them. Some people just don't respect you and will hurt you without regard. Therapy hasn't done anything for me in this regard. I've just been taught to continue to turn the other cheek. The city I live in is very toxic. Everyone is always in each others business. I've thought about moving, but I've dealt with so many bad people that it seems no matter what I do life will be a let down.

Sorry if I sound negative. I'm just letting my feelings out.

 

[cat]

It's good to let those feelings out...we all need to vent!

Nothing will make you immune to your abusers but you have the choice to ignore them. My adult abusers were family members & I still have to see one of them at family occasions but through therapy I have explored what happened and accepted it. I have also taken the decision not to speak to her, this upsets my children (its their grandmother) but they have had to accept it to. I have nothing to say to her other than wanting revenge & she is too stupid to understand how she hurt me emotionally so there is no point in wanting it.

I think a huge turning point in recovery comes from acceptance, the past has happened & as tough as it it we just have to learn to move on & show these people how strong we are even if we are still crumbling inside.

With respect you weren't in therapy long enough for it to help you. In total I had 72 hours + of therapy....that may seem like a long time but there are still things I need to address. I thought therapy would be a quick fix, I'd go she'd talk to me simple.....I just didnt realise what a huge commitment it is.

Moving could be an option for you, a new start helped me there was no way i could carry on living where I was it was doing me more harm.

 

[Thinkingman85]

I am in a similar situation as you. My older brother was emotionally abusive and I haven't reestablished a relationship with him for six years. I occasionally see him in the city and he acts like everything is normal completely oblivious to how horrible of a person he was. I don't think I'll ever be content of not being immune to my abusers. To me, ignoring them personally makes me feel like the weaker person. That is why I suffer so much. If I'm so strong, why do I have to ignore someone in order to stay mentally healthy or personally confident? The reason I would move would be because too many people try to step past my boundaries. It is doing me harm here, but if I leave, I'll just feel like a coward that ran away because he was too weak to defend himself. Honestly, it was hard going to therapy in the same city where my abusers live.

 

[The Albatross]

Albatross, I think the main thing I fear is failure. There is always a belief that I'll fail. So instead of fighting it, I just accepted it and moved on.

If you truly accepted it and moved on there would be an occasional pang of regret perhaps but no emotional pain.

I did a significant amount of inspirational reading about failure and fear of failure. It dispels a lot of misconceptions sometimes and shows in bas relief the flaws in my thought or perceptions.

Sometimes I play a game with myself, "What do I want more?" Do I want to be for the rest of my life exactly as I am today or do I want to endeavor to try. Mostly I choose try... sometimes I sit and swivel on my own thoughts until something in my three dimensional life appears to shift my attention and effort to. That is why, I chose as a matter of my own style of self improvement a series of goal setting and challenges, sustained effort. Some goals are very short others mid range, some longer term.

Experience can be gained while negotiating the challenges and experiences - new experiences - are the inoculation to fear. Think on this and ask yourself is it worse to not fail but lead a tragically unfulfilled life? Or is it possible to attempt and continue to attempt competency with goals and relational issues until some sense of confidence can be learned?

I think the recovery idea presented in substance abuse helped me to brake the ice. I was willing to "go to any length" to get sober. I got sober. Now I employ during self examination the "lengths" I am willing to go to on many things. I consider PTSD "just" another one of my chronic physical conditions... all of which there is no cure for except lifestyle change.

I hope this helps.

 

[The Albatross]

Thinkingman, working in medical and in care giving... I have seen many people dealing with chronic conditions. For them also perhaps there is no cure. Just like for us, there is no cure. But in the absence of a cure there can still be a generally satisfying life. The question is, do you really want a generally satisfying life and are you willing to dedicate your time and effort to learn the skills and coping styles to get it?

 

[Thinkingman85]

Yes, I want a generally satisfying life. I agree with everything you said except that there is no cure for PTSD. I've studied the subject and have more of a post traumatic growth mindset. For me, I won't be able to have a fulfilling life until my PTSD is gone. If I look at a painting, I am not going to be satisfied looking at it partially blind in one eye. I am going to figure out what has caused the blindness in order to regain my vision. I think PTSD is like having dirt on me. It can be washed off.

What has helped me calm my anger has been weight lifting. Today, I am getting into a routine. What I do is channel my anger in every exercise. This anger is strong so sometimes I push my body to its limits. My mind feels much better after this. If I put myself back into a healthy productive lifestyle, my PTSD will fade away. At least that's an internal feeling I get.

If PTSD is incurable then I probably won't ever be able to be what I want to which is either be a teacher or firefighter. This September, my home city's fire department is having a civil service test. I took it last time and scored well. However, not many people were hired due to the economy. My goal is to score very high and get hired. I do have a fear that my PTSD will be a hindrance. However, I can't let it stop me. I'm sick of dying inside.

 

[Abstract]

Many, many people can become almost fully asymptomatic Thinkingman. Yes something can set it off again but then again it might not and many people at least have calmer periods. You don't know how well you can become. Not until you try. Each human being has endeless potential for growth and healing and you don't know where limits or limitlessness are

People misunderstand the whole PTSD is incurable thing. You have only done a few a t sessions so far.

The one thing that will guarantee that life stays as it is is not doing anything to change.