• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Anaesthetic Awareness - My PTSD

Status
Not open for further replies.
sleep, yup, was almost impossible for months- see my post in lack of rem sleep or somewhere - have now learnt various things that can help but still dread nights coz you never know how it'll be, isn't that one of the saddest things we have now, i used to love going to bed... at least i've stopped the waking up over & over reliving it & dying many times a night - have to try and see the progress here and be thankful for each (even if small) improvement! bit of a rollercoaster (used to love them!) few steps up, fall back some, but over these months really have improved. and very occasionally that amazing realisation that i'm alive (when i knew i wouldn't be) and a weird euphoria coz i've got another go & a bit more time!
 
Awesome Beach. You have the right mindset to get better. I do think that you will eventually be able to slip between the sheets at night and think: mmmm, bed. I love this bed...zzzzzz. That was me last night. There was a time when I only slept maybe two hours a week. It's horrible and it made all my symptoms worse. It does get better Beach bum. I'm looking forward to more of your posts and seeing the progress that I'm sure you will make.
 
yo painter nam, thanks for your support! not seen your story yet but will look back to find it... but your zzzzz sound great, well done you! you in US more advanced than us if you put about a/a in consent form, not mentioned in ours (and denied as a 'dream' or 'it never happens in OUR hospital/dept, by all but a very few)- maybe just your for casaran as lighter anaesthetic (for baby) & one of most common ops/causes of a/a.?
 
Yes, I know they use a lighter "cocktail" on C/S moms and boy do we hurry once the mom's out. I have never heard of a case in the hospital I used to work at. It seems that PTSD affects us deeply when there is some injustice involved. When we have no control of the outcome and it was someone's carelessness or cruelty that made us the way we are.
 
bad bad hard hard day today. had to go for ECG (coz heart palps, but we all have that, but was Aok), had cancelled before coz for me i can't trust the docs/hospital coz the hospital did IT in the first place and have continued to hurt me since by lying/cover-ups/withholding info and GP also employed by NHS so has his hands tied, does he follow official line (of lies, hoping i'll run along & go away & shut up) or does he put me,his patient first and do all possible to help mME? he's asked hospital for info & they are withholding from him too so he hasn't got full info to be able to treat me. had 3 different opposing versions of events from hospital, which one should GP act on? catch22, need help (from GP or anybody) but afraid coz of lack of trust now. at start saw him lots, but gradually learned that flawed system here prevents him from truly acting for ME, so gave up. if you've got cash can go private but as i haven't worked since it happened, too in debt now. sorry, had to rant, felt strong yesterday but bad night & falling apart today. i just have to try & remember from experience that there'll be another good day soon, just got to hang on til then! how are you all doing?
 
Hi Beachbum,
This change of lifestyle you have experienced sounds so challenging. It also sounds like you have got a good handle on the problem (healthcare system, lack of trust). I just wanted to bump in and commend you on not talking yourself out of moving forward - you have a lot of self discipline :kickass:
Hugs,
~Boo
 
hi boo, what you wrote above made me smile, thankyou - especially the hugs, had to dump man soon after it happened & been short of those! i'm so stupid, i thought not wanting ECG was just another part of general now being scared of any medical stuff, then last night had first really bad nightmare in ages of IT again & for the first time dreamed (one of last things before IT) of having those sticker things put on your chest for ECG during op... and woke up crying, haven't done that for so long. and then coz i'm trying to know you all, (sooo hard coz of memory & get confused, that's why i can't add to the alphabet story) i looked back to your first post, your story, and that's made me v.sad, (except smiled at the bit about post-its, coz my house is scattered with those!) & shows how brave you & all are - you know one of the hardest things for us i think is that nobody knows what PTSD is, i was a culprit too before, i didn't know, and none of my friends do. at the moment i've got enough to 'do' (!) but when able need to help make PTSD more common knowledge...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top