Anger/ rage/ hatred/ resentment as part of PTSD symptoms

[Ecdysis]

Anger is a tool. Like fire. Used wisely/ appropriately, it can cook a meal, keep you warm, provide light. Used recklessly, it can burn down your house and everything you care about.

How you use that tool is your choice. But you will live with the consequences.

I saw 4 people about the car problem today. I stayed calm, friendly, solution-oriented while also asserting myself and expressing my understable dissatisfaction.

The fact that I didn't come across as mad/ angry/ upset/ "threatening" was helpful. All 4 people I spoke to were very nice, offering really good solutions and were understanding and supportive.

This is a GREAT result for me - a huge win for the anger management course I've been doing.

I'm feeling very relieved, elated, proud of myself... Feeling like I handled it well.

 

[Freddyt]

Anger in moderation is permissible?

Absolutely.

But like everything else - don't let it rule you. Channel and direct it toward the people who deserve your anger, not the people that don't deserve it.

 

[user27357]

Absolutely.

But like everything else - don't let it rule you. Channel and direct it toward the people who deserve your anger, not the people that don't deserve it.

i think i burned through moderation in the late nineties. been excess anger for my lifetime quota since. Over acheiver.

 

[Friday]

Anger is anger and the fact it exists in anyone kind of states the obvious that they think it is righteous. I think i am in my lane and well substantiated in my anger when i am angry, isnt everyone?

LMFAO… Oh, hell no! I have at least 62 different shades/degrees/flavors of anger, and only 3 of them are variations of righteous. (And one of those is hormonal? So is utter bullshit.).

 

[LunaticOnTheFritz]

We have a right to be angry at those who hurt us. It's when we aim it at innocent people that it becomes a problem that is strictly your own. It helps me to identify what exactly I'm mad about. Sometimes if I'm mad about something that happened with dad I will take it out on someone else like the lady at Verizon. Not her fault so I hafta figure out how to rein that in.

 

[abovedown]

WIth most of my PTSD symptoms, I have a relatively clear idea of how to handle them, what to do about them, how to voice them, how to process them, etc.

And then there's the anger/ rage/ hatred/ resentment glob of symptoms...

I find this so hard to deal with.

There's this big layer of shame around it that I "shouldn't" be feeling any of those emotions and that they're "bad" and hence if I have them I'm "bad" too.

Also, I associate the "bad" emotions with the perps and so dealing with "bad" emotions has that particular triggering aspect to it too.

Feeling things like rage/ anger/ resentment also doesn't sit well with the narrative of having been a victim of trauma.

It's such a complicated, tangled mess of contratictory emotions.

Growing up with trauma, I learned to repress these "bad" emotions, but repressing them doesn't make them go away.

How can I allow anger/ rage/ etc to be a normal, valid, healthy response to trauma but prevent it from being something that damages myself and others?

I know the fight response is what helped me survive so much of the trauma, so I feel like I need to honour it. It saved my life, it saved me.

But it's also done a lot of damage. It's like an arsonist that just goes around setting everything on fire.

How do you get yourself out of the fight response into something more healing without denying or vilifying the fight response?

For me it helps a break if I notice that I have feelings including anger, resentment or bitterness. It's frustrating for me how our culture teachess that particularly women should not feel anger or resentment. It encourages denying these feelings, which makes them worse and don't let us naturally 'practise with them'.
Often I am not even really angry with the topic of my thoughts but it's more yo do with current circumstances (bad weather, work stress, scary headlines/news pictures, not enough sleep etc.). I try to be kind to myself and attune to whatever I really need for the moment (hot coffee, a snack, a break, call a friend etc).

The challenging part for me is that anger is often mixed sadness or tiredness. This makes it harder sometimes to recognize what is the 'trigger' emotion. A.k.a Am I pissed because I am in reality tired or hungry?

 

[Tinyflame]

Totally relate to all of that @abovedown . My experience also.

 

[DogTired]

I use my anger to get through problems when I can't do something "normal".
Take shopping. I couldn't face milling crowds, confined spaces, and queues.
All of which are common in our supermarkets.
So, I make myself angry, which raises my adrenaline. That causes tunnel vision so aren't distracted quite so much. I go in in like a whirlwind on that adrenaline high, get what I need, and am out in 10 minutes max.
6 months ago I wouldn't have been able to do that.
Who came up with that gem? Another PTSD sufferer who I speak to regularly.
Works for her, works for me.

 

[abovedown]

I use my anger to get through problems when I can't do something "normal".
Take shopping. I couldn't face milling crowds, confined spaces, and queues.
All of which are common in our supermarkets.
So, I make myself angry, which raises my adrenaline. That causes tunnel vision so aren't distracted quite so much. I go in in like a whirlwind on that adrenaline high, get what I need, and am out in 10 minutes max.
6 months ago I wouldn't have been able to do that.
Who came up with that gem? Another PTSD sufferer who I speak to regularly.
Works for her, works for me.

I hate crowded places especially after covid epidemic. I do most of my shopping online and I prefer to go to stores outside the rush hour. I can be in the crowd (like a fair or Sunday market) but if the people feel stressed or pissed it makes me anxious. Also the window side seat in an aeroplane feels 'too tight'.