I heard that the students were laughing at him because when he heard an airplane pass over head, he ducked under the desk and was terrified. People were so cruel, he left to go back home, as far as I knew. Can't say I miss that town.
Yeah, Olaja (Interesting name and in my head, I'm pronouncing it "oh-LAI-ya"). I was there in the Summer of 1989 and I don't remember any planes. I don't think Israel and Syria were IN the city, but Gemayal was dead and Michael Aoun ... nobody knew which side the Christians were on. I was a STUPID American and had NO idea what in the hell was going on, or that this was pretty much a 30-sided war. I was in West Beirut in the shopping District around the Commodore, so French didn't come up that much.
For me, I'm still fighting to get all the memories back and there's a big, huge blank spot between East Beirut and West Beirut. All the memories lead to the helicopter attack, then gets spotty or is blank after that.
In East Beirut, I remember that something was coming up behind us and we couldn't get across an intersection because there was a sniper that killed the #2 and THEN the #1 that tried to cross the road. "We" were one military man that was leading (and spoke English) and about 40 unarmed civilians. I have NO idea who they were or why I was with them. All I remember is that the leader guy spoke English, so I was as close to him as I could be.
I remember that we had no choice but to break into the building we were against at the intersection and get up the stairs into the second (top) level... and that we could not find access to the roof. I remember leader guy shouting in Arabic and Utu, then was going to say something in English and.... never said anything. The top half of him was gone, his legs FINALLY fell and everyone was dead except me (I didn't have a scratch on me) and a 11-13 year old girl (barely had developing breasts) who's lower half was mostly gone. She died, confused.
I remember the feeling of her leaving her body, then that I was walking in empty streets, then that my friend (Mustapha) found me, somehow... some other things. Mostly, it's blank. All my memory picks up, later.
Light helicopters and prop-airplanes don't affect me. Huey's and Apache's do, even when the blades are suppressed. Sometimes, it's just a panic attack. On very BAD days, it's full flooding memories. It depends how many, how close, whether they are coming toward and the WORST is if they hover nearby. Unfortunately, my apartment is right under a flight channel for Andrews: We're on the edge of the suburbs of Boston at a curve in the Charles River.
Olaja, I don't think the Principal picked you merely because you spoke French. You seem caring, brave (against the other kids that were laughing) and thoughtful. I don't know why you're on this forum, but, I hope you find peace.
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@Jacqui, I'm usually (and unfortunately) the MEGA smart brainiac in any room. I'm well above 142 on IQ (and it's not boasting: it's a curse. I can prove it live if you need authenticating) and I have an INTJ personality type which you can look up on the TypeLogic site by Googling it. (I can't post links, yet, apparently). That means, on top of PTSD, I get OVER-logical and scare the FU*K out of people. I don't consider other people's emotions and I am VERY critical of people ALL the time with NO filter. I actually don't realize that I'm ripping PEOPLE apart when I only meant to rip apart a bad argument. With the PTSD, I apparently separate feelings from thought and go with thought.
Jacqui, I read your post. You wrote perfectly. You're smart. In a room full of smart (MEGA smart) people, you're usually in a room with very SCARED people trying to deal with the fact that other people are as smart as them. The #1 defense for them is sarcastic wit, they think. At MIT orientation, the advice is, "look to your left. Look to your right. One of you three are going to fail." ... which made me think to always sit in the aisle seat so as to improve odds, but that's a joke for a later time...
Sass is just small BRIGHT people trying to feel smart and superior over another. The one that tries hardest to hurt is probably the one with the biggest weakness. You don't even have to know what the weakness is: You just have turn any question of theirs around to hint at the weakness.... but not enough to expose it. They become your friend and defender after that.
@Srain ("Rain," "S-Rain") I type like I'm drunk, sometimes, because after flooding, I self-medicate with alcohol. It's a VERY bad solution, but it's the only way I found to kill the peaks and valleys of PTSD and keep WORKING so I can provide for my girlfriend. Truth Question: ARE you self medicating with alcohol?
I very much like what you said. I, too, have had to look at myself because of the rules. I'd love to know the threads discussing anger and rage because I'm NOT as advanced as you at understanding where it's coming from.
