Anniversaries

[norahh]

I've never posted anything on here, but I wanted to bring up the topic of anniversaries and see if other people struggle with them as much as I do.

I dread Christmas every year because Christmas Eve is the anniversary of the first time I was raped. I was 17. So every year, as the holiday season approaches, my emotions and PTSD get more and more intense and unmanageable. I can literally feel Christmas coming, as if I were an inmate on death row, awaiting my execution. I know that's dramatic and I realize that, but it's how I feel. I can tell myself over and over that nothing terrible is going to happen THIS Christmas. But that's not always true. When I was 19, my rapist showed up unannounced to my parents house on Christmas Eve.

So every holiday season, I get tense, anxious, and terrified. I begin to have trouble sleeping again and start having nightmares almost every night. It gets harder and harder to calm down or distract myself when I get triggered. I get extremely sensitive and distant. I dissociate more and more.

Please tell me about how anniversaries of trauma affect you and your management of your PTSD.

 

[Deleted member 37605]

I would ask the following:

does your family know about your trauma?

How would they feel if you didn't show up for Christmas this year?

If it was me, I would distract myself by taking a trip. Doesn't have to be anything extravagant, just get out of town.

 

[Gs172003]

Yep. Me too. I hate this time of year and not entirely sure why. But...I have decided this year that I will do ONLY WHAT I CAN MANAGE. No more, no less.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[Missycat]

Mine is not an anniversary as such but Christmas time does provoke anxiety in me. I am absolutely freaked out by the movie Chitty Chitty bang bang (which is on tv every christmas and thankfully not the rest of the year) . I was abused and on one particular occurrence i was watching the movie, the sound on the tv was turned up to drown out any other sounds , i can remember being in pain, confused and scared with the sound of the tv ringing in my ears. It makes me physically sick if i hear the music from the movie - i dread the adverts for whats on tv at this time of year.
To deal with it i always have the tv remote ready to switch ! I make sure i spend time doing my breathing exercises and meditation to keep me in a more relaxed and chilled state.
Im sorry that this time of year holds such horrible memories for you. Do you have anything in place to help ground you should it become too much?

 

[norahh]

Mine is not an anniversary as such but Christmas time does provoke anxiety in me. I am absolutely...

Missycat, I'm learning I guess to get better at grounding and self care. It's tough though at this time of year because there's an obligation to spend time with family, but I find that really hard when I'm feeling this way. But I suppose I'll take each day at a time. What kind of meditation do you do?

 

[norahh]

Yep. Me too. I hate this time of year and not entirely sure why. But...I have decided this year that I w...

I love that - good for you! Be kind to yourself. I'm trying to do the same. My therapist is going to help me plan something I can do for myself, like a spa day or something.

 

[norahh]

I would ask the following:

does your family know about your trauma?

How would they feel if you d...

What a wonderful idea. Only my parents know about what happened, no one else. My mother is emotionally abusive and lives halfway across the country, so usually I can manage. But the holidays are hard. I made a final decision though to lie and say I'll be working over the break. They'll be upset, but at least I won't make things harder on myself by visiting my mother.