Annnnd... Reality Hits

[Padfoot]

The true gravity of this has set in. It's something that will not go away overnight. Apparently my story is one that has stayed with the police. The cop who was first at the scene had to take a month personal leave because of what she was confronted with. The therapist basically said that it will take a long time to recover from it, that I will be working with her for quite some time to come. Chances are I will not be able to hold down a job for another year or maybe even longer.

 

[Abstract]

Padfoot,

I am so sorry. I can see why hearing that someone who just was there had to take a month off work could make it all hit home. You are a fighter and very strong!. You have survived it and are holding him accountable. That is very powerful even if you don't feel powerful at present.

Its Ok to have a year or more off as healing is the most demanding full time job possible.

 

[Padfoot]

I've had 10 months off already, as a single parent there's only so much time I can afford to take off. At least with starting a uni degree it won't have a blank spot on the resume I guess.

 

[madmax]

I have been off work since 2006 the events have been replayed in my mind and in reality.

Was involved in FBI sting operation involving the illegal trafficking of enfamil and proceeds being used to fund terrorist activities....it was a mess to put it simply.

I expounded on my situation event etc in the past and it helped to type it out....if your ready great,if not it's well understood.

Max

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm concerned that you think school is doable but work is not. Both are stressors. If your therapist says no work for a year, I seriously doubt she wants you to jump right into school.

 

[Hashi]

When I first started trauma therapy I thought it would be for 2 or 3 months. When I found out the centre allowed a year, it was a shock. It's really hard to get your head round something like that. I understand it now, although it was very unexpected to me at the time.

I've just had nearly a year off work due to overwhelm, and while it was very hard financially and it made me worry, everything turned out OK. I don't know about where you are, but it's so common here (the UK) for people to take time out for personal projects, travelling, family, creativity or whatever reason that no-one was bothered about my time off work when I started applying for jobs.

I would be asked, and I always said I'd wanted off time to renovate my house and garden, and no-one bothered to ask any more. (I was ready with something more specific to say if they had asked.) I know yours might become a longer timeframe, but then I think it's just a reason that has a longer timeframe. If your anti-discrimination laws are anything like ours, wanting to spend more time with your child/children would be a reason that would probably go unquestioned.

I understand that money can be a serious concern. I don't know your situation, but I also wonder about studying, for financial reasons as much as anything else. Putting everything back a year, including studying, might be a good idea if this is what you need in order to heal.

I don't know if taking a job that wouldn't be the usual kind of thing you'd look for, but is doable and doesn't put too much pressure on you is a possibility for a while?

 

[Padfoot]

I can do a subject at a time, there's no rush, it's from home and not at the uni. I'm in Australia and it's more to do with the fact that I had a year off after having my daughter, then when my daughter started school she was diagnosed with Autism and I found part time work suited with her appointments, then last year I had to stop work for my brother who was in a serious crash and needed a full time carer at home for medication, eye drops, feeding, showering, toileting, everything, then I'd been back at work 3 months when this happened. I'm more concerned about the ease at getting another job with scattered time off like that, and also concerned about not having enough Super when I retire.

 

[franciemarnie]

Take time to heal and there will be time enough and health enough to make money for later. If you don't take time to heal, well...

There are always good professional responses when the time comes to deal with getting another job.

One thing at a time. Healing needs to be number one.

 

[Padfoot]

I don't know that I will be able to focus on study, but it doesn't start until March so who knows? I don't want to retire to some unpowered camp site and live in a tent because I have no money to live off.

 

[Hashi]

Those aren't the only two options, though. It's not Option A - get back to study/work as quickly as possible and have a bearable retirement, OR Option B - take some time off for healing and retire to the tent in the unpowered camp site.

How about Option C - take the time you need to do what you need, and like franciemarnie says that will then allow you to work towards a good financial future too.

I think the oxygen mask analogy (you have to put your own on first before trying to help others with theirs) applies to financial stability too. We can't take care of our finances unless we first take care of ourselves. Rushing to try to fix a financial situation when we're struggling too much emotionally isn't going to help with either aspect.

I don't know what the right pace for you is, and it may be that healing won't need to take you away from other things for very long. I understand that there's a basic level of financial stability you have to maintain, so you have food, shelter and essentials at the moment. I don't think it's feasible to think about longer term finances in the middle of dealing with trauma though, and I think your healing will actually be quicker, and you can sooner get back on track financially, if you can prioritise healing for a while.

 

[Padfoot]

I've always had a certain level of concern for finances. I've had to.