Another Fight

[Deleted member 28403]

So, last time I had a theraphy session, and this time also, I've been sorta fighting with my psychiatrist.

Last time the topic of fight was that I'm wasting his time by just sitting there and not talking, and it ended with me leaving early.

This time there was another fight, and he gave me an ultimatum on whether we will do theraphy or not.

His arguments were a huge mix, but what I remember is:
- I'm thinking of us as equals, which we are not
- I do not speak clearly, but rather, according to his words "pseudo-philosophise and bullshit, which are the same thing"
- I am not trying to change
- I stray away from topic
- I give him orders
- I'm egoistical and think only about myself
- I focus on others and never on myself
- I overanalyze his words
- I do not try to think about my actions
- I do not introspect
- I do not think of what I say
- I analyze his reasons and words although I'm not the psychiatrist in the room and do not have the right to
- I talk to him like he is equal although he is superior
- I'm narcissistic

There was other stuff but I cannot remember right now.

I tried to explain to him that its not really that way, but he pretty much discarded it. E.g. regarding orders, I just asked him to explain by saying "Explain." or "Define", which I use in the form of imperative, and I explained even the imperative usage to him, but he still discarded it.

Regarding the trying to change part, I am trying to change, but I do not really notice what I do wrong.

The fight today started with him asking me what I think about last time and the fight that happened. I answered "Nothing" and he was dissatisfied with that answer.

My thoughts are still a mess.

Gonna reply further in a bit

 

[Ronin]

Yeah, so that worm without an ability to think in abstracts at all pushes his bullshit on you.

'Overanalyze'? It's called thinking. He better grabs a bit of it himself.

f*ck him, kiddo. You deserve better.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Yeah, so that worm without an ability to think in abstracts at all pushes his bullshit on you.

'Overanaly...

Well, I've been working with him for 4 years now.

The not trying to change argument and the fights according to him come from me not changing in the past 1.5 years since I started high school and left the past primary bullying situation.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Often when I explain something he says he doesn't believe, and remarks comically of me saying that some memories are foggy/mushy and that I do not know some stuff by acting it out in that voice, you know the fake imitating voice.

 

[Ronin]

He's gaslighting you.

Just because you were with him a long time doesn't mean you need him.

 

[scout86]

I didn't read about your last 'fight', sorry. But some of what he's 'accusing' you of sounds like 'being a teenager', to me.

This doesn't sound like a very good match. (Probably a huge understatement.) But, I'm guessing you don't have a lot of options at this point. True? If it's true, maybe consider what you CAN get out of working with this guy. Realize it may not be the best, and it may not be what you'd choose, but there may be some things you can learn anyway, things that you'll find useful in the long run.

BTW, what do you think about that list of complaints? Seriously. Any truth to any of it? Some of it, like this

I talk to him like he is equal although he is superior

sounds like he has a real need to be seen as 'the expert'. That would just be an insecurity on his part. Even when dealing with a client who shows a lack of respect (and I'm not saying you are), I'd expect a professional not to find that threatening.

This,

I do not speak clearly, but rather, according to his words "pseudo-philosophise and bullshit, which are the same thing"

If I'm understanding what he means, it's something some people do when they're trying to impress others with their intellect, or when they're trying to avoid really talking about something, things like that. It can be a form of avoidance. Is that something you'd actually do? (You don't have to answer ME, but you might want to answer it for yourself, in the least defensive way possible.)

Myself, I'd treat that whole list that way. Go through it and honestly ask yourself if there's any truth to any of it, at all. The anser might be that there isn't, and he's totally off base. Could be there are some elements of truth buried there that could be worth exploring.

BTW, near as I can tell, you've changed a LOT, and, from what I can see, in good ways. Keep it up, the world needs people like you.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I'm not sure

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I didn't read about your last 'fight', sorry. But some of what he's 'accusing' you of sounds like 'bein...

The thing that often sparks the fight is him saying that I'm doing A intentionally, while my view is that I have no idea that I'm doing A

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I then try to explain that I'm not doing it intetionally, but I do not know how stuff happens past that point

 

[Ronin]

I then try to explain that I'm not doing it intetionally

You really, really don't need a guy you need to be on defense with constantly *for a therapist* / anything like a guide to life.

Anyone gentler in sight? Someone who wouldn't just constantly tear into you for absolute bullshit details?

 

[Deleted member 28403]

You really, really don't need a guy you need to be on defense with constantly *for a therapist* / anything...

I don't know... One problem is that a fair bit of psychologists and psychiatrists don't want the responsibility of someone who attempted suicide.
For example, I got rejected by a few due to exactly that.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

My parents also tell me I'm egoistical and similar when yelling, but I do not see how.

Like, he argumented it that he could use the time he is wasting on me to actually help others.

My parents say they could work or spend time with childre but I'm wasting their time.

I do not understand how...