Relationship Answers That No One Can Give

[hodge]

Wow, Chelle, if you've never been to his place after 6-7 months, that is a huge red flag. Is it possible that he's already married? I'm sorry but that's often the case when a person hasn't been to their guy's place after all this time. Just sayin. If that turns out to be the case, we will be here to help you pick up the pieces, hon.

 

[Chelle]

Wow, Chelle, if you've never been to his place after 6-7 months, that is a huge red flag.

And that was a major red flag for me as well!

I've tried to address why I haven't but never got a real answer. He was previously married but he's told me his wife passed away while they were overseas.. of course I have no way of knowing if that's true but that was the start of me doubting some of the things that he's told me that I initially excused as him being a sufferer. Also one of the reasons why I joined this forum because things weren't adding up but he always dismissed it as him protecting himself because of the trauma served from being in combat. Mostly I think I needed my thoughts and suspicions confirmed. Hopefully the truth will come out because while I care for him dearly, he might not be the person he's presented to me so far.

Sorry...I don't want to just take over the thread but thank you so much for replying.

 

[hodge]

I hope the truth comes out, too, and that it's not too devastating for you. :hug:s

 

[Chelle]

Thank you! You guys are all awesome and I'm glad I have support on this forum! :hug:

 

[hodge]

You've got it, girl! Keep us posted.

 

[Deleted member 31177]

Don't get me wrong I'm definitely up and down with the whole thing, struggling with missing him and n...

Bubbles215, I REALLY connect with ALL that you wrote and agree 100%! You have a super great insight and I am so glad that you posted all you wrote! I have been diagnosed for years with PTSD and am in the middle of a known University's PTSD/Trauma Study (3.5 months) and at the end of each section they do a phone interview (1.5 hours) and of all therapy (which I won't ever do again except the last call I have to do with them - it's a paid study) - they totally brought me back to some really awful places.

ANYWAYS, I wanted to thank you for what you wrote about "not going through that again . . ." - just that part of what you wrote is so uplifting to know there are such strong women out there and kudos to you! Stay strong like you are, never settle for any suffering!!

I am a recluse and a/sexual so I don't have any problems with men anymore and it's such a freeing feeling not having those feelings anymore! Yay! But you Bubbles . . . YOU GO WOMAN!!! So happy knowing you are not settling! Hugs!

 

[Kintsugi]

Thank you for posting this, @Casey_03. I would often like to tell new supporters who pose these questions that if we had an oracle on this forum, we would share all the fortune-telling and soothsaying with them, but we don't have one of those, and we don't know. We don't know what their partner/friend is going through. We don't know if they'll come back. We don't know if it's PTSD or just life.

I wonder if cancer patients of all types are supposed to know exactly what all other cancer patients are dealing with? :roflmao:

 

[Casey_03]

@Simply Simon Exactly. I can understand the need for answers, but sometimes it seems like there is a misconception that all PTSD sufferers follow a certain formula, a single formula, and we know exactly what it is. This thinking is just unhealthy, it deprives the PTSD sufferer of an individual personality complete with his/her own issues, triggers, worries, traumas, etc.

 

[Bubbles215]

Really good and interesting to catch up on the posts. I would say from my own viewpoint as a new...and struggling...supporter I perhaps word my posts generally and inadvertently suggest all those with PTSD suffer 100% the exact same thing and I sincerely apologise for that.

From what I understand there are core elements regarding PTSD that then obviously become highly personalised - from my own view only I post generally because it is that wish to say hey, is this potentially what may happen when my guy has combat PTSD or could it be something else and it ends up being a written 'brain dump' of all I might be feeling, confused about, hurting and trying to get some steer so I don't add to his stress, however, it is badly worded to suggest it's a one hat fits all.

 

[Chelle]

Hmm right Bubbles, we sometimes will post in one size fits all type of way. We hope supporters we don't tend to think that way especially when we learn more about press and how effects everyone. I know I personally didn't start realizing that there were differences from person to person as well as issues that very well may not be from their ptsd until I did further research.

And hugs to you @Julinha ! What you wrote about your own journey and therapy is really brave as well as interesting.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

I felt compelled to create this thread after seeing so so so many supporters posting recently asking ab...

I agree and often wish I could tell a difference better. The love gets in the way of seeing things objectively. No matter how much I want to be objective, it sometimes just feels like there is accidental bias added to the perception of what is going on. Looking at the situation both as caused by PTSD and not makes the situation quite confusing at times since there doesn't seem to be a clear distinction. People without PTSD can also do some wacked out unstable things so figuring out what the cause of the unstable or inconsistent things is difficult.

Do you have suggestions on how to tell the difference?

 

[Sweetpea76]

@mr_smith_v2 there really isn't any specific way to know if it is PTSD or not just off-hand. Experience and observation over time can help you recognize when your sufferer is showing outward symptoms... But as far as mind-set, who knows? It may be fueled by PTSD, or it may not be. The sufferers themselves probably don't even know all the time.

For example, I can tell when my vet is in super hyper-vigilance mode by they way he scans a room, or how he positions himself. I know that's his PTSD. He has talked to me about it, I've researched information on the symptom in general, and I've seen him do it hundreds of times. However, when it comes to his thoughts and feelings, there is no way to know. I take everything he says about that as gospel. He's not mentally impaired or a child. He's a thinking adult who just happens to have PTSD.