Anxiety About Getting Help

[InHell11]

I need to, and I even have an appointment tomorrow but I still cannot seem to get over the anxiety. I mean either way I'll go and be honest with how severe the symptoms are but it still causes a lot of anxiety. I guess part of it is It's gotten so bad I feel they'd have reason to consider involuntary commitment...I would probably go willingly since I have nothing to lose since the symptoms don't let me enjoy anything or even function. But I guess the thought really scares me and so I am afraid I'll downplay my symptoms, maybe if I do end up doing so out of anxiety they will be able to see through it.

Anyways can anyone else relate to this? or have any advice.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I don't know what country you are in, I'm in the UK, and here involuntary commintment (I believe you mean being sent to hospital) only happens if you are deemed to be a danger to yourself and others.

But I understand the anxiety and also the fear of playing it down too much. I felt just like that the first time I asked for help. I ended up sitting in the GP's room shaking violently, crying and spluttering out the few words I had. But in all honestly, I think it was probably easier for her to understand the anxiety she could see, than if I'd had tried to explain.

So it worked out ok. Wish you well with your appointment.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I started therapy in 1985 and I was covered in sweat for my first therapy appointment. I was terrified. I did not know how to say the word no to anyone. The reason I had a appointment was because I had called for information and they made an appointment for me and I did not know how to get out of it.

I went and my therapist was leaving so I was assigned a new therapist. I found out that i had repressed memories. I had hoped that they would fix me and I would be on my merry way.

It was a process and I had 9 years of private practice. I just recently started therapy again to do emdr. It was very terrifying for me to start that. I was so nervous. But it has helped me so much. I have memories that had been torturing and tormenting me for years and now they do not bother me anymore. I feel so much better.


I hope you find a therapist that is a good match for you. One you feel comfortable talking to. I am wishing you the best. I hope my words help and do not hurt. If it hurts I apologize in advance. Please disregard in that case. The therapy process is supposed to help you recover. Good luck.

 

[InHell11]

I don't know what country you are in, I'm in the UK, and here involuntary commintment (I believe you mean being sent to hospital) only happens if you are deemed to be a danger to yourself and others.

I'm in the U.S and that is what I mean, and I am sort of worried about being a danger to myself, I've been so on edge the past 3 days it's physically painful it started with a panic attack 3 days ago. I also can't seem to resist banging my head on walls when something really angers/frustrates me. I keep having to fight off suicidal/self destructive thoughts and haven't even mentioned it to anyone in my family because I am afraid of how they would react if I told them I feel that way. I also cannot seem to eat or sleep enough which can't be good since I imagine my body uses a lot of energy being on edge so often I even lost weight I didn't have to lose recently.

But yeah I guess I'll try and tell them that at this appointment and see what they think I guess. Well there's more but I'll save that for then. It is some relief to know I'm not the only one who gets this anxious over things

 

[quaintpapercut]

It's ok to feel anxious about going to your first appointment - I still get anxious every single time I go to a session. When its very difficult for me I'll often let my therapist now how tough it was for me to come that day as it makes room for discussion on why. Often, it was really important for me to just be able to express that the last place in the world I wanted to be sitting, at that moment was in that chair in his office. I know it will be hard but if your worried that your a danger to yourself I hope your able to express that to the therapist. I hope your appointment goes well.

 

[Lucycat]

I can recall how anxious I was at the beginning.

It is nowhere near as bad now - after 3 years. But I do still feel anxious waiting for T to arrive.

 

[InHell11]

Alright I went and it wasn't a therapy session, just a doctors appointment they prescribed me clonazepam for anxiety and some weird non-SSRI anti-depressant called mirtazapine that is supposed to help me sleep I guess, kinda unsure about that one since its an anti-depressant even though its not an SSRI but I suppose it wont hurt to try. Already tried the clonazepam and it seems to have sedated me quite well so maybe I can make it through the next couple of weeks till the next appointment. I'll see how this week plays out and if being medicated is not enough to keep me stable enough not go to off the deep end I will see to it they put me somewhere safe.

I mean immeadiatly after the appointment I was about to have a panic attack because for a moment I thought I'd have to wait on the prescriptions till another day or two but it turns out I had just enough to cover them. So yeeah I was afraid of going home, and still having to continue being stuck in a state of extreme anxiety. and worried about what I would do so I was very close to freaking out there but I managed to pull myself together and leave without drawing too much attention to myself realizing I could at least afford the anxiety one. ended up getting both.

 

[InHell11]

Yeah I suppose I am glad I went to this appointment...though now I am more or less convinced I really do need serious help. I am going to wait it out till the next appointment I have now hopefully the prescriptions they gave me can help some. But at the next appointment I think I really need to make it clear that I am kind of afraid for my own health and safety so it might be best to keep me in a safe setting(alright psych ward) because i even worry about bad reactions to meds and while I certainly feel pretty calm right now well i don't know I just don't want to end up dead just yet so if that means having to give up a little of my freedom to do whatever the hell I want whenever I want I don't care anymore, I'm in too much pain....Even so I am not sure I'll have it in me to go voluntarily since it could trigger my freak out mode.

 

[quaintpapercut]

When is your next appointment? Can you put some sort of safety plan in place for yourself if you feel like your treading into dangerous waters? I really wish you the best and hope you get the help you need- it sounds like things are very tough for you right now.

 

[treble.maker]

Hey inhell. :-) I'm glad that you're appointment turned out well for you!

I think that having some long-term help could be very beneficial to you. I know it's incredibly scary - I've been seeing my T for a little over a month, and I am still completely unable to tell her about my trauma, and I still get nervous before going.

But the good news is that it gets better every time I go, and I start to feel safer and safer in other aspects of my life each time.

Just something to think about :-)

 

[InHell11]

Yeah I am sure I can manage till the next appointment...if things get too bad I can call my friend or my sister. But yeah its quite possible I am going to have to more or less mention this to my mom, things cost money which I have none right now. So I don't even know how willing she would be to help with any expensive bills. I am trying to get on SSI and then I can reimburse her for any medical costs i might create but I don't think I can keep it together so well much longer especially in the environment I am in. I mean being at my moms house is not helping with any healing just sets me back with all the drama and stress and then I lose it more.

Just hard to admit...I mean at the appointment I wanted so badly to just say 'look truth is I don't know how much longer I can keep it together mentally and am afraid for my safety and maybe even that of others if I go on like this...please just send me anywhere they won't let me do anything to cause harm to myself at least a while.'But I couldn't quite say that and so I just said the prescriptions might help, and that I'll come back next appoinment or the doctor said to call if I have any self harm thoughts I am at risk of acting on.

 

[Estacia]

If you truely feel you need the help, you must honestly and actively seek it. You may have to buck down and go into the hospital. I did two years ago. It saved my life and helped me put things into persepective.