Anxiety? I Don't Think So. This Is How I Always Am!

[piratelady]

I understand, and I remembered why you asked for it. I just wanted to show you another option, to keep in mind for the new therapist. Take care.

 

[tphillips117]

I can't believe that I'm willing to see a new therpist at this point. I'm just very sad and angry. I really, really am.

 

[Chosen]

It sucks...it really does.

I'm not going through what you are, but I am feeling really sad since I can't see my awesome T until September and that's at least 76 days away....which makes me sad.

But conflicts suck and not knowing what to do also sucks. I hope you can figure out what is BEST for YOU soon...and what makes you most comfortable and happiest.

 

[tphillips117]

Thanks Noah! And woah, not until September? Yikes! That is a long time away. Hang in there. This is truly the hardest thing I've ever been through so I understand your pain. It's awful!

And yes, conflicts suck, but I look at this like a learning experience. I learned more about what I need, what I don't need, and want I ultimately want to achieve. It wasn't a total loss. :)

 

[lighteningdarkness]

tp I'm glad you made a call and hope that having made a decision it feels better. I know you say you can't believe you're willing to start with another therapist but it may be a good time - while you're clear in your mind what you need and what wasn't working.

Noah, sorry to hear you have a big delay. For me at the moment the full week between session feels like an eternity. Hope you can keep posting I've found it a real support.

It is really uncomfortable having a conflict or disagreement, especially with your therapist. You know, that thing about they're 'the professional' and meant to know best. Just shows how strong we are to be able to challenge and disagree :)

 

[tphillips117]

Light,

I learned to assert myself, which really isn't in my personality especially when it come to people of "authority". But I think the constant reminder that this is MY therapy, kept me focused on what is was that I wanted and needed. If you need something, ask for it. Just because your therapist has a Phd. or Psy.d, or LMSC, LPC on the end of thier name doesn't make them a know it all. You know yourself best. Listen to your gut, if you leave therapy feeling empty or worse than you did when you came in week after week, your body is trying to tell you something...so LISTEN UP!

I feel a real sense of loss today. But you know what? My therapist called me this morning and acknowledged my voice mail. He invited me back if I changed my mind, but I know in my heart that this is over. I feel sad for the loss but relieved that I can move on and put this drama behind me. I have enough on my plate without having to deal with this crap!

 

[JasmineDog]

Therapy of any kind is almost another trauma in the beginning. PTSD sufferers are so used to trying to control their world that it creeps into therapy sessions too.

Your search for experiences to provide you with "flight or fight" will continue as long as you are unaware you are putting yourself in those situations. We all set ourselves up for the things we think we deserve - that whole "self fulfilling prophecy" thing.

I kept being unsuccessful with my therapy in order to prove to myself that I was a failure. "I can't even do that right". Sounds like you have such trust issues that you are setting even your therapist up to let you down. He may not be the right one for you, but you can usually tell in the first meeting if you are going to click, at which point you move on.

To go back is to undermine your own self-worth, or feed your "I knew it" ego. Trust YOUR gut... don't put yourself second because someone has letters behind their name.

Find a good EMDR practitioner, and get free of your PTSD. You don't have to live with the flight or fight forever.

I wish you the best...

 

[Chosen]

Jasmine, what you said really clicked for me. You said that "PTSD sufferers are so used to trying to control their world that it creeps into therapy sessions too." I always try to control the session, or at least monitor everything that's going on instead of letting my T do more of the leading (or keeping track of time, etc). I have built up a lot of trust with my T, so I think it's time to cede some of the control...so I can worry about other things instead. Thanks for saying what you said! I'm definitely going to have to think about it more!

 

[JasmineDog]

Noah, I am glad anything I could offer might be useful. Hang in there until your therapist gets back, but it seems like you are making great efforts on your own!

I searched for many years for the answers to all of my issues, and every piece of information helped me understand myself more. I now knew all of the why's and how's, but what I did have trouble with was implementing the changes needed, and not getting triggered.

I found myself sinking lower and lower, and feeling hopeless and a failure. That is when I made one last effort for the sake of my kids (didn't want them to have to deal with my suicide) and looked for a PTSD therapist. I stumbled onto one who told me for the first time about EMDR, and here I am 18 months later symptom free and happy.

Hang in there, things can be horrible, but then turn right around...

 

[lisamarie]

I think you did the right thing. You clearly didn't feel comfortable with him. And I agree that a warning prior to cutting off the session cold is an absolute must. I actually AM a counselor (and HAVE a counselor, LOL) and I ALWAYS say, about 5-10 minutes before the end of the session "Is there anything else you want to talk about today, any questions or concerns? We're almost out of time". I don't understand how someone could NOT do that, especially if you are talking about something as important as trauma.

I hope you find someone you connect with better.