Anxiety In Public Environments (party Coming Up)

[SJP23]

Hello all,

As the title says, I typically experience anxiety when in social settings. Part of this is just me, and the other part is heavily influence by my PTSD.

While growing up, I thoroughly disliked holidays and my own birthday celebrations due to the attention; as an adult this has not changed. Being in social situations, such as these, tend to exhaust me to no end and feed into my anxiety (especially as an adult post trauma).

I know that this presents a very challenging aspect in my relationship with my very devoted and loving wife. In fact, I feel a great amount of guilt for even putting her (or anyone else) through these situations.

It would be so much easier for me to avoid parties, celebrations, group gatherings, and stay in a "safe" place while my wife attends. She gets to see the people she wants, and I get to avoid the stress. That's easier said than done. It is not fair of me to expect that to be reality, as I know my wife wants me to be there with her and for her as her husband, and she deserves such.

The party is not until this weekend, and already I am getting worked up internally over it all. Saturday night is a small gathering for family. My nephew then graduates on Sunday with a large party following the event.

I know that a lot of this is my issue... I don't tend to like chit chat (I'm more of a deep philosophy talking kind of guy). I especially get nervous with introductions because the frames of such socialization seem so strange and awkward to me. Pair that with being in a room with people I don't know and I seek the exits and want to "eject" from the situation.

This post was intended to help me rant, but I am most certainly open to any tips or suggestions that others might be able to offer me.

I know this is not a big deal, and that I will survive the party and life will go on. Sure, that's what my logic tells me. My brain, however, tells me to avoid this at all costs.

Some days it hurts on a very personal level to feel like I can't relate this to anyone else.

Thanks for listening/reading,
SJP

ETA: Just so it is clear, parties are not all that cause this. I often avoid large business functions for the same reason.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

HI I am sad that you have to deal with this. I was wondering if you could excuse yourself and go to a quiet place until you center yourself and go back to the party? And repeat as needed.

I used to have this problem really bad. I still have it. I try to talk to people, I know small talk, but asking questions helps. It gets the other people talking about themselves.

Can you hang out with your wife? Stay with her until the party is over? I do not have much to offer, hopefully someone will be along soon who can assist you. Good luck with the party and let us know how it went. I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

 

[maelstrom]

Hey I can totally relate. I also hate, hate parties! I can totally understand your anxiety. So where is the party going to take place? If it is in somebody's home, then I usually find that watching the TV helps. Sometimes when I don't want to get involved with people I just sit down and watch the TV. You won't look super awkward if you are doing something (instead of just sitting there). Just be polite when people talk to you. If there are children around and you are more comfortable around them, play with the children. If people are cooking, go into the kitchen and offer to help. If this is not at somebody's home, then that's a little easier because you could disappear for any length of time without having to explain where you were--just tell them you were lost or something. I know it's not perfect, and it may not work, but that's just some of my own strategies for getting through parties. Also you could take a longer bathroom break than you need if there are enough people, because they won't notice you. That said, I do think that we need better ways to handle this and really work on our anxiety, but these are some of the things I use for "emergency" situations. Good luck and stay safe.

 

[Tinyflame]

I totally relate, I'd miss my own funeral if I could. As you said though, it's so much worse when the party is for yourself- here's the Blessing- all the majority of attention should be on your nephew, etc.

As others have said, stick with your wife if she is 'safe' for you, circulate, take breaks (kitchen, etc), maybe even drive someone home? Take something that's grounding for you, if you can, a small object or something that brings a reminder of peace, seek out those who look a little sad and think of how to make them feel at ease, just to even say 'hi', ask others questions about themselves. Smile.
Try not to 'think' in advance, getting there will likely be harder than the rest of it.

Do it for your wife and nephew, if you can. You can always leave early, or go rest (I hope).

Good luck, let us know how everything goes. It will be all right.

 

[Bubba]

I totally relate, I'd miss my own funeral if I could.

LOL...that is TOTALLY me...can't stand it when I am in the spotlight. It's so nice to find people that can relate.

 

[Tinyflame]

Me too, same with Birthdays, gifts etc. So hard!

 

[SJP23]

Thanks for the support and tips, everyone. I truly appreciate it. I fully understand that it is the getting there that is far more difficult than the being there.

I know this won't kill me. I know I will survive. But, oh how my brain wants to convince me otherwise!

Again... I sincerely thank you all for the pep talk!

 

[maelstrom]

Good luck man!

 

[freeanimal]

I know that a lot of this is my issue... I don't tend to like chit chat (I'm more of a deep philosophy talking kind of guy). I especially get nervous with introductions because the frames of such socialization seem so strange and awkward to me. Pair that with being in a room with people I don't know and I seek the exits and want to "eject" from the situation.

I can definitely relate to this. Philosophical discussion is one of the only ways I can feel comfortable in social situations. So much of social interaction can feel trivial in a way that I have never been able to relate to. When I am feeling uncomfortable, sometimes I look for an opening into a deeper or more meaningful topic. That helps me to stay connected without letting the feeling of ejecting myself envelope me.

Something else that helps me is to focus on what I would feel like if I was "normal" or without post traumatic stress. I look around the room and try to pick up on "normal" vibes and think about what it would feel like to engage in interaction/conversation without baggage and anxiety. It helps me to see the situation a little more objectively to try and remind myself that anxiety is in my head and is not because I am bad or unworthy but is because of wounding. It helps me to center on being relaxed, imagining myself relaxed and okay. if that makes sense. let us know how it went! <3

 

[Saf]

Yes Parties.... People think I'm rude, but in actual fact I'm just so terrified of what will come out of my mouth if I speak. I'm not stupid, or I don't think! But I feel that whatever I will it will sound pathetic and super awkward.

Speaking of introductions.... if I know I am supposed to meet someone new or catch up with a friend in the next few days I play over and over in my head how I should greet them (hug? peck on the cheek?? hand shake?) Oh it seriously does my head in! And when I finally get to the moment I turn into a nervous mess. Spotlight... no thank you.

It is a lonely place, I would like to be normal for once and feel comfortable in the presence of others because the truth is I love people.... only terrified of most of them. Everyone here has offered some good advice.

I like, play with the kids and help with the cooking or prep... this will kill time. Anyway you are definately not alone just remember to breath!

 

[freakofnurture]

My husband learned to enjoy going out without me.

 

[Sveta]

Asking questions is the only way I can get through things that require social give and take. I feel like I can always come up with a question, even if it is, "how are you doing tonight?" or even better, "How are your kids/classes/cats/hobbies?" Then I keep following up with another question. People love to talk about themselves (except me). I try not to talk about myself, it never ends very well :speechless: