Anxiety Over Lack Of Control

[his_swallow]

Does anyone else have this? I am having anxiety or agitation over a couple of things in my life that are out of my control. One is that we have a layaway plan for an engagement ring and since I can't cope with the bills, my boyfriend handles it. It was making me so upset not knowing what money was available to pay on the ring that I was starting to get obsessive about it.

The other is that I have been diagnosed with a personality disorder on top of my depression and PTSD but the psychiatrist didn't specify what disorder. That is making me anxious because I want to KNOW what the disorder is. I know that I can't change anything but I am one who likes having things labeled and set out. If I have a physical issue, I want to know what it is and how to deal with it. The same goes with emotional issues.

Its so frustrating that I obsess over these two things but can't seem to get at least a little obsessive about things that I wish I was like the house or home decorating that I want to do but can't seem to muster up the energy for. :wall:

 

[onebravegirl]

I would be anxious too if I didn't know what the diagnosis was. Wanting the ring to be paid off also seems like a normal thing to be anxious about. Both are very personal. The trick it to try and maintain a balanced amount of anxiety. Just be as patient with these feelings as you can. This won't last forever, and there will always be stresses in life so I suggest just trying to make yourself as comfortable during the wait-time as you can. Sounds a little corny but the "This too shall pass" said over and over again can help sometimes. Baby steps!
O

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I completely understand your anxiety over lack of control. It wasn't until my last hospitalization that I realized that lack of control is a MAJOR trigger for me. Because, well, in the hospital you have no control whatsoever over anything. They like to make you believe that you have control, but in the end, your doctor and therapist have the final say in everything that matters. It was frustrating to learn that simply being in the hospital was a major trigger for me and caused me to go into emotional flashbacks almost every evening. The funny thing is, once they set a discharge date for me, the flashbacks stopped. Coincidence? I think not.

 

[catjudo]

I have not advice for you, only chiming in to say that lack of control is a big issue for me. Anytime I am faced with circumstances that are beyond my control or am in a situation where I am not the one in full control, things begin to go downhill for me quickly. It's something I'm trying to work on but being in control is a big deal to me.

 

[suzie q]

Feeling out of control tests my victim role. If I'm out of control then I'm vulnerable. Being vulnerable in the past has lead to abuse. I don't like being out of control in the least.

Something I do to help get over the discomfort is to say the serenity prayer....

Help me to accept the things I can not change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference. (The wisdom part is what I'm striving for the most)

Not knowing what's going to happen drives me insane. If bad things are coming, I want to be ready. My therapist said that wasn't how life worked. I'm starting to believe her now.

 

[erikjms]

I would definitely be anxious about the diagnosis, and the ring is very significant, so it makes sense that you would be anxious about that. Do you have any plan for dealing with either situation? Sometimes I find it useful to at least decide what to do, even if I can't do it yet. Sometimes I get anxious about something that comes up in therapy, for instance, and I will spend a little time trying to parse out exactly what is bothering me, and then I decide whether it can wait until our next appointment or if I need to know something from my therapist sooner than that--if so, I will call her.

I am also trying to learn to deal with the unpredictability of life in general. My life is set up so that I have very few surprises most of the time, so I usually feel fairly safe from, say, people dropping in unannounced or being called in to work (I work from home a few hours a week), but it's just impossible to be ready for anything, because anything could be, well, anything! I do take anti-anxiety medication, which is helpful, but I have also been reading some about Zen Buddhism; they have some very interesting things to say about control and how badly we wish we had it and how abjectly we really do not. I am nowhere near "enlightenment" on this problem, but learning to sit and to breathe and just let life pass can be a useful exercise for me.

Erik

 

[blarneystone]

Perfectly natural, control is something we all wish to have. I agree with the comments above, find a way, mantra, prayer, meditation, to regain control of your anxiety. In situations where I cannot control the things going on, I try to get control over myself. That's the only thing that I can regularly try to get control on, or change my approach with. "Accept what you cannot change, change what you cannot accept", always runs through my head because it was my grandmothers mantra/motto.



eriktrips - "reading some about Zen Buddhism; they have some very interesting things to say about control and how badly we wish we had it and how abjectly we really do not. I am nowhere near "enlightenment" on this problem, but learning to sit and to breathe and just let life pass can be a useful exercise for me."

Seriously good advice, there is a book called "Zen Mind, Beginners Mind" by Shunryu Suzuki that is incredibly in how it approaches and discusses suffering and control.