I ask myself: What's my dog in this fight?
If none? I check myself. Hard. Happens fairly frequently, although I've gotten a bit better about boundaries ;) Used to have virtually none, whatsoever. I've learned to choose my battles, and to evaluate my own role in them over the years somewhat better.
In this case? Your dog in this fight is your uncle, and your love/concern for him. His fight is the cancer. So what's your part in this?
- How do you want to help him? &
- How does he wish to be helped? (Lining those 2 things up is important, either of you wanting more than the other person is willing to give, needs to back off, & respect the other person's capabilities).
- How do you take care of yourself whilst helping him?
It's a conscience act of stepping back. Looking at what is your side of the street, and where you're bullying yourself into something that isn't your business. Taking on other people's problems is claiming ownership of something that is not your own. Often times people really, really want other people to take on their problems for them. Heck, I hire an accountant for just that! Certain kinds of problems are beyond my ability to deal with them. Friends, loved ones, hired guns... These are all avenues we turn to when we need help,with our problems... But they are still our problems. Not theirs. No matter how much someone may help, or want to help, or we want them to help... The problems are our own.
