Any strategies to help your Supporters?

[Dergrosse]

It is very difficult for me to imagine what it's like to be a Supporter. I'm looking for ways to make my Supporter's life easier

What are some strategies you've used in your relationship for the benefit of the supporter?

For instance, in another thread someone mentioned having the Sufferer check in once a day when isolating.

 

[somerandomguy]

Good luck with that. To a lot of sufferers, isolating means exactly that - isolating.

The best thing you can do IMO is to continue to work on yourself and to keep the lines of communication as open as possible.

 

[arfie]

most excellent question, dergrosse. thank you.

i've been on both sides of the therapy support desk and yay you for realizing that support is not as easy as a just. i can easily believe that ptsd is the number one cause of ptsd. i try to go quid pro quo with my supporters. they give, i give. when i can't give directly back to a supporter, i pay it forward. in addition to being plain good manners, paying attention to the quid pro quo helps me get outside my misery long enough to expand my horizons a bit. showing appreciation for the support also helps me feel like i am moving forward in my healing journey.

what i give in return varies as much as the earthbound angels who have supported me. customize, customize, customize. . .

 

[prynne]

I do my best to be honest with my supporters about what I'm thinking and feeling. It makes everything more complicated when I try to hide things from them. They can't help me if I don't let them know what I'm struggling with. When I hide things it always puts more stress on my supporters because they can tell that something isn't right and I'm hiding it from them. I also try not to use one person as my only source of emotional support to avoid putting too much stress on them. I see my therapist regularly and spread out my emotional needs between different people. I also make sure that I reciprocate and support them with their issues.

 

[Friday]

What are some strategies you've used in your relationship for the benefit of the supporter?

1. Ask them.

2. If what they want is not possible? See if negotiation is possible.

3. Try reeeeally hard
a) not to make decisions for them,
b) take them at their word, &
c) don’t ask questions I’m not prepared for their answers
<<< These are all grouped together because they’re all me having an imaginary relationship in my head; rather than a real relationship with a real person, who has their own agency, right to make decisions for themselves in their own life, & responsibility to know their own heart & mind & act according to the dictates of their own conscience.

4. Honesty / Be up front about my own need/want/desires / HouseRules / What’s Important v Meaningless to me <<< I thought this was just a normal part of being in a relationship? At least the overwhelming majority of MY relationships include this during the getting to knoooooow youPhase I thought it was normal …but come to find… so many expectations just sort of “exist” in nonPTSD & nonADHD relationships that don’t even begin to make sense in my world, and vice versa, that this is useful? Shrug.

5. I usually have some kind of code / signal response for misc. things. Like an asterisk when I don’t have words, for calls/texts/emails is a common one.