Anybody Else Have Problem Around Their Birthday?

[recoveringfromptsd]

I actually put it in my profile, so all I have to do is refer to my abuse, anybody wants more detail I can refer them to my profile

 

[Friday]

I have to wonder how others have coped with similar situations.

Back on target... For important things? I generally either change the date, or change the venue. As an example, I'm pretty notorious for moving my birthday celebration early by about 3months. 2 birds, 1 stone. As I'm actually dealing with a couple rough patches, and the same solution sorts both of them. For other things I might just go camping, or move an event a couple days, but basically I just plan on having the flu during the actual dates. If I'm doing well? Spectacular. I haven't lost out on anything. Bonus. But if Im doing badly? Then I also haven't lost out. The thing I wanted to do was still done, just in a different time or place.

For Xmas? If it's the dates, Orthodox Xmas is on Jan 7th. If it's the everything surrounding Xmas? The smell in the air, the lights on the houses? Try St Barques. Or Cairo. Or Calvary. Or Berlin. Pick a region that has totally different weather, and ideally different customs. Reeeeally tends to trip your brain out. I don't always have the money to travel, but even knowing that I don't HAVE to be "here" every year? Regardless of where "here" is, helps.

 

[Ronin]

Birthdays - yes.

Different workaround, here. As in celebrate different dates as 'birthdays'. They were different events in my life, mattering for different things.

That or I co-opt birthdays of dear to me people that agreed to it. You're a part of my heart, I wouldn't be me without having met you, so you're my birthday.

(& yep as to EHS and researcheability. Doesn't show except as a very short and obscure reference from my location, does perfectly well from an US IP, so it's one of those localized things that are bit harder to get to.)

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Birthdays - yes.

Different workaround, here. As in celebrate different dates as 'birthdays'. They were di...

Celebrating b-day on a different day I have not considered. I am not sure it would work, as I would likely just remember what happened on my birthday.

 

[Ronin]

I would likely just remember what happened on my birthday.

Maybe smaller pieces?

If I can't ignore the whole thing & it's a tangled anniversary where multiple years of it were just messed up, I try to find bits that were different, with each. Okay, maybe this went downhill in one way... but not the other. Another year, it also went downhill, but in a different way than the year before then. The third time it went downhill less. The fourth time I wasn't happy but nothing new happened. The fifth time it was almost a day that wasn't bothersome, not a good day but not an entirely wrecked one either.

Taking it as a small & slow way of rebuilding that day into something that just fits in with the rest of the life. Even where it doesn't.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Maybe in time, after I have had a lot of DBT, and PE therapy the effect of this won't be as bad. Kind of hard to think of it differently when this period of abuse is always present in my mind. I do think I have put together a good plan with my T. We have appts set up right before and right after which I can cancel if I don't need one or both.

 

[Panda Bear]

Bdays and holidays are hard, but especially holidays. It was good to have a few extra appointments scheduled around those dates. In past years, that has been my plan of attack. T always saw me twice the week of thanksgiving and twice the week of my birthday and Christmas.

This year it's the best it's ever been, first time in four years that I won't need an extra visit for thanksgiving.

With work and processing of your trauma, those dates should get easier to cope with. Getting into the holiday spirit really does help, anything you can do to distract yourself might be helpful. Pick one or two things that may be something you enjoy and focus on them. I like Christmas lights a lot! So I make a point to see them and decorate with them as much as possible. :)

Either way, you'll get there! Keep working and progress with come.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Panda Bear Actually my T suggested the xmas lights at ocean city (they have some here where I live too), plan to see them but before my b-day and xmas. Too much a reminder that my abusers left me homeless during xmas, and too much a reminder I almost succeeded in a S attempt not long after. (I am water phobic and cant swim but I actually took a jump in the potomac near the mall, a retired police officer caught me and pulled me back onto the ground, he then took me to get some help). I don't want things at least right now that will remind me of those times. I worry it will just revive SI. I am doing great from where I was before I went to SP, but I am far from well enough to weather those memories. I am looking for other things I can do during that time.

 

[Muttly]

both birthday and the time around christmas are huge triggers for me. Lost of bad stuff happened around both dates especially christmas. I still don't have good skills around christmas but my birthday is gradually getting better.

One of the things I did was take the focus off me. I made it a day I would be generous for others. it was sort of fun to think about different things I could do to make the day meaningful and good. I also tend to keep busy. In my area there a lot of pride events, which is something enjoyable and meaningful to me.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Muttly at least I don't feel alone with this, and I too had issues on both dates but mine are a week apart (Dec 18 Bday), my birthday is the worst because of what happened on my bday. I spent xmas on the street, and I had never been homeless before. those days bring back FB a lot, I expect I will be using my frozen oranges a lot those days.

 

[Nessa7]

Christmas and a day close to Christmas are anniversaries of mine, too. One thing that has helped is starting to do things that are festive early by embracing that the Christmas season is starting to creep up to the day after Halloween. There are some things that don't bother me, and that is what I incorporate into my life first. Over time, it has made me less sensitive to some triggers related to the holidays.

I set firm boundaries with the people in my life about what I can and cannot handle. This has evolved over the course of a few years as I've learned over the few years what I need and proved to people that I will leave or follow through in removing myself from something that I can't deal with.

I have changed quite a few things over the years to make the holidays more enjoyable for me. I like routine, so I've adopted totally new traditions. I throw myself into the stuff that makes me happy. If something really upsets me, I don't do it. Holiday foods can upset me, so I'll eat a PB&J and focus on enjoying spending time with people.

It is still really hard. There will probably be at least one day that I just stay in bed in December. I just try to remember that I'll feel better once it's over and that life will go back to normal.

 

[mamachick]

Birthdays are horrible now. They were never celebrated as kid and not much as adult-but made some good traditions with friends and celebrating each others birthdays with lunch or dinner and some fun things.
Dec. 4 2008 I turned 50 and I went shopping and to dinner with a friend. I have a nice picture of the 2 of us and I look so happy and healthy. Eight days later, I was assaulted in my home. The tree was already up and the house decorated but Christmas came to a screeching halt. With all the pain meds, xanax, muscle relaxers, etc, and nightmares, I overdosed on Dec. 29th after Christmas being pretty much of a blur.

I suffer severe since of foreshortened future, and every year when it rolls around, I remember 2008, my last ptsd free celebration. I dread my birthday as well as Christmas, but it is my birthday that makes me reflect on the past year and wonder why I am still here. I never expect to make it to the next year and then -here I am. I have cut myself off from all family and most friends, and have no desire for any type of celebration. We are either busy living or dying, and I feel like I have been dying since. I am working hard to turn that around. I have no fear of death but I do fear suffering, and only pray to have a heart attack in my sleep.

The dread begins when I hear others beginning Thanksgiving plans. I cooked every year since I was 20 and had many guests. I haven't cooked since and spent a few in bed alone without food. It doesn't end until the Christmas lights are down-around Feb., but then suffer the winter slump.

I have that birthday picture on my Facebook page in attempt to find that smiling face again, that happy go lucky, spontaneous and loving mother, sister, friend. Only in the past few months have I began to discovered the tender hearted person that I am inside.