Anyone Here Changed Their Birth Name ...

[Philippa]

If you felt peace and hope at the thought of changing your name then I think it's a good idea to go ahead and do this.

I did change my given name a couple of years back, as well as my surname. I did not get the feelings you spoke of thinking about it, but I did appreciate the sense that I was taking an empowering step forward into being mySelf without any association with the people who raised me, and a part of it was a bit of a f*ck you to my father as well, since he is so damn obsessed with his family name being passed down. It would be the ultimate middle finger in his face to do that.

Bit mean spirited, but it was mainly for the feeling that I was no longer associated with them and that it might help with the process of estranging from them. I have not experienced the feeling of hope and peace from that though. I had some friends who supported me with the name change, and one in particular who really didn't. She even told me the name I chose did not suit me and that spun me around for a long time. I was in a fragile place when I did this and her disapproval 'should' not have bothered me as much as it did, but I guess deep down I also did not really think that luci, the name i chose, really suited me either...I just liked the name.

Another supposed 'friend' showed disapproval as well. She was pushing me to place more boundaries with my parents, and heal the relationship I suppose, as she is extremely family oriented, but did not quite get that I was having such trouble voicing my needs and feelings to my parents that I literally had to get away from them in order to heal...just so I could get back to a place where I am able to stand up to them. I can stand up to most people now, but the thought of sitting down with my parents and expressing myself honestly with them makes me regress back to a 5 year old...just thinking about it.

I settled with Philippa Lucinda Bloom, as I really did miss my given name. It took me until I was 18 to actually like my name, and it is weird how something like that can become such a part of your identity that you miss it. That was my experience anyway. I guess some people may have thought I was running away from my problems or something, but I've faced most of them pretty much head on since then, so I don't think that's true. Still much to work through, and I do find myself distracting myself from emotional wounds that are at the surface. I've become a bit of a facebook addict as such and I HATE it, I never even wanted to join facebook in the first place but it is serving me to distract from painful stuff I don't want to look at just yet, or feel into. I know that's what I have to do though to move past it.

So yeah, if you feel that positive when you are thinking about a change in name I would support you to go with that...and I see that you have, so CONGRATULATIONS! :)

 

[shimmerz]

I congratulate you on this @NovemberStar , I haven't been able to do this officially yet but have done iterations all through my life. I very much want to change my name. I am wondering if you mind my starting a post along the way about why people want to change their names and how it has been for them? Whether it has helped or not? I almost see it as a re-birth and taking control of our identity.

 

[NovemberStar]

:p9 days ... :happy:

Man, they are draaaagggggiiinnngggg!!!

@Philippa - I wasn't sure if I got it right from your post - you changed your name and then missed your old name?
I too was a little afraid of what other people might say. One person (an acquaintance, not close friend or even friend really) I mentioned in passing I was thinking about chaning my name and she was like 'WHY would you DO that??!!!". So ... I decided not to tell anyone else and just did it. Actually I did tell a very few people - my sister, and two closest friends - but only one of them knows what I've changed it too. my sister and friend ow I'll tell them the night before my birthday; I want them to be told BEFORE I revel it on FB - didn't seem right they find out after anyone else! Surprisingly, they've both been really good about my choice not to tell them for 7 WEEKS!

I decided not to tell anyone for the very reason you shared - criticism. The ONLY time I had ANY doubts about going ahead and chaning my name was in regard to thinking 'but what would other popele think of me doing this? What if they think my new name is stupid?'

Thing is - once I revel it's done and was done weeks ago, I don't think many (if any) will then say to my face 'well that's stupidity idea!'

Like you - it is about reclaiming myself. It's taking back the power my parents and abusers took from me: our birth name is the first decision our parents make for us - by rejecting that, it's saying 'you know what? Looking back critically at your parenting decision, starting with my name - f*ck YOU - I don't agree with it!'

For me, it's giving me the courage to critically examine and reject most of them ther decisions they made for me too. :p

@shimmerz - def start your own thread - so you can explore what a name change would mean for you.

I've thoght about out it for years, but never come up with The Name, nor has the timing been right. I don't regret waiting - it's all fallen into place now :D:D

I do recommend talking to your T before the name change also though - I have had some dissociation moments where it's felt like I'll lose any sense of identity; our names are very much core to who we see ourselves to be. If someone had DID or other dissociation or identity disturbances I'm not sure it would be a good idea until they were stable....

Talking to my T helped reaffirm why I was doing it - it wasn't about running from, but running TOO

 

[Karen12]

NovemberStar I think that is fantastic!! I have so much shame associated with my birth name, I've fantasized for years and years about changing it but I never have. It gets harder and harder as the years go on and you have more and more documents, certificates and diplomas in your birth name. I have never gone through with it. I am very impressed that you have done it!

 

[Philippa]

Yeah, the criticism is something you will face if you are open about it, I won't lie. But I have to say there were also more people who were supportive and I even told about my family and they supported me even though they didnt fully get it or have the same opinions about it. One woman who was extremely supportive and never judged me came from a family where she was beaten every day, yet still holds the societal belief "They're family". I held that belief once too so I get it.

One thing you may also experience, which I did and which really messed things up for me, is the confusion it creates with people you know who knew you as the person with your given name, so there is a time adaption period, and many find it hard to know what to call you and why. They may be polite about it, but they may also secretly think it's stupid but they won't say anything. I admit I found this part the hardest part of the whole process and it's partly why I decided to go back to philippa, although I also genuinely started missing Philippa as my given name. It was all a bit of a f*ck up it feels like now, but that would not have been the case if the people I thought were friends did not make it an issue and put those thoughts into my head to start with. I was not strong enough at the time to be able to just not let it get to me...it did.

I was struggling with my identity and that really put a kybosh on the whole fiasco. I have certain regrets about that, but at least I managed to find some resolution with it and settle on Philippa Lucinda Bloom, which the middle and last names are totally different. I decided that I can agree with my parents choice of given name, as I do really like Philippa and think it suits me, but the other two names were my choice and I haven't had too much conflict there, although I have not changed it legally, so it's still something I get confused with myself, and just today I had to sign up for my course giving my first and original surname as it would cause too much trouble to tell them why my surname is different to the name on my birth certificate, which was documented in their files.

 

[violetclouds]

Wow - this has been an amazing thread. I was going to ask basically the same question when I spotted that someone had already asked it. I have been thinking of changing just my first name. I have my husband's last name(who I love very much and want to be identified with) and I gave one of my daughters my second name, but I have always hated my first name and now I just don't want to be 'her' anymore.
Why have I hated the name? It's one of those 'unisex' type names, but it is mostly identified as male, so I have so many times in my life, starting with first grade and going as recent as a few weeks ago, been identified as a boy or Mr. +++++. It is very unpleasant to me as I have enough challenges to feeling feminine or attractive or anything like that anyway.

The other reason I would like to change it is because I don't like 'her" that person who was formed by the abuse and the control of my abuser in my life - I want to be 'me' - the REAL me I was born to be - and I think she would have a different name- a pretty feminine name - and I want to find it - what do you think?

 

[Philippa]

I think that is totally valid violetclouds. Have you tried meditating on what your real name is? Maybe get quiet and ask inside for your real name to come to you. See if anything comes up...:) If you don't receive a name or hear anything, maybe start thinking about sounds you like or names you always liked in a movie star or someone you really love and identify with. Just some suggestions anyway.