Anyone With Vulvodynia, Vestibulitis Or Pain With Intercourse?

[Mitzi]

I was diganosed with vulvar vestibulitis a few years ago. Intercourse has always been painful for me and this is a big part of why, but I was also told that my muscles tighten up involuntarily. There isn't really any treatment for this VV except pain meds which made me sick. So I have just been doing the best I can and if it burns down there (I usually experience burning) I just try to be careful and not use scented soaps etc and it calms down.

The muscles being tight is the worst part of it. even if I think I am relaxed I guess I'm not. I've even tried physical therapy for this problem.

My H and I don't really have penetration - I want to try (have at times been able to have it an even enjoy it but not often) but he says he doesn't mind not having it and is scared of hurting me. I don't seem have flashbacks with my H any longer, so I'm not really afraid but I did in past. He never wants to try and seems really absolutely fine with our sex life without but it is me who wishes we could!

Any advice?:thinking:

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Mitzi,
I am afraid I know nothing of VV so really cannot offer any helpful advice.
However I am inspired that you have conquered the flashbacks with your H. I look forward to that day ( or night!) myself.

I am glad that you are able to enjoy sex, although I understand your frustration and lack of satisfaction.I understand how hard it is when H doesn't want to try for fear of hurting you. I am just pleased to hear that you are still trying to make things 'better' and not just accepting the situation.

I know I will never give up on reclaiming my sex life, although at times I feel like it.

 

[Nyx]

It's brave of you to want to try. I'm sorry you have pains. What kind of therapy have you tried? Did it have any kind of results?

I don't have VV, but sometimes my muscles will contract suddenly when we get to penetration. But we get past that point if we take things really slow. I don't know how strong the pains you have are, but if I were to make a recommendation it would be to take things slow, let you body get accustomed to what is happening.

 

[Mitzi]

I was told I have pelvic floor issues and there are physical therapists that actually deal with this area. It was not working so well but I could not do it for very long it was VERY triggering for me. No real results but I did learn a little bit of how to relax which I do on my own.

Nyx, I think taking things slow might be the thing to do. My H always tells me that he doesn't care about intercourse, that he is happy with things as they are. He never actually even seems all that interested in it! We are also very both busy with work right now (him more so than me) so that might just be a big part of his reluctance to try.

I also think part of my problem is that I'm deathly afraid of getting pregnant. Honestly, if I did get pregnant that would be fine, I've been even thinking about trying to adopt older kids - it's more that I always go back to my extreme fear of becoming pregnant when I was a teenager and my stepfather was molesting me. There was literally nothing in the whole world I was more scared of, and I can't imagine fear like this goes away even after all of these years.

When I was living alone in high school and college I was absolutely terrified of pregnancy. So much so that I didn't want to even SEE a penis but I was very sexually promiscuous in some other ways and was acting out sexually with a lot of different men. I'm lucky I wasn't raped again b/c I put myself in some very bad situations as a teenager. I'm very ashamed of this fact too.

I can't believe I just typed the words RAPED AGAIN. It literally is shocking me that I wrote this. I tend to think of myself as never having been raped and that somehow I'm going to discover that I am making all of this up - but so far, I haven't seen the man who hurt me for over 20 years and I still have not made any such discovery.

 

[Venator]

I had problems with this for some time. I also lost the ability to orgasm completely because I'd get stinging pains. My vulva would randomly get red and puffy as though it were infected, it would burn to pee - all tests would come up negative for infections. Turns out it was the birth control I was on at the time (yaz) chiefly. Two weeks after stopping Yaz, I regained the ability and stopped having random vulvar inflammation and pain.

I still avoid using scented soaps and anything harsh though!

 

[Mitzi]

My problems have gotten better since stopping birth control. I definitely think this played a huge role in my problem.

< Edited by Brucielucy to remove unnecessary quote>

 

[Powder]

Hi Mitzi,

Fear is something that has to be left out of the lovemaking somehow. I was afraid of the flashbacks returning during sex, so I promised myself that I wouldn't let that happen (as if I can control it, but it's the power of suggestion, like Dumbo's balloon) and that if I started to feel that rising anxiety feeling during sex, I would remember to tell him let's stop for now. If I start to FB again, then, I will also say that we need to stop and I will talk with him about it.

I'm also lucky to have a gentle, understanding mate, and we're at an age in which the male ego is not as huge. If this happened in the early 20's, he'd get angry and want to take his toys home. :oops:

In your case, your old fear of pregnancy, which make perfect sense when it was first experienced, has to be worked through first. Your body is just taking its cue from your brain. Once you have worked on this fear, it will respond according to what you have decided. That is my belief.

Since this is a big area for your relationship, it is so good you are working toward improving it with these steps. Good for you!

What you went through was so traumatic that you really have to look at yourself now and see what a great person you are, literally, to have survived it and even moved on in such positive areas of growth. You have to take stock and realize you have so much to offer a child, no matter how you get one, that you have noting to fear. Everything is downhill after what you have endured already.

I have every faith in you,

Muse

 

[Anna]

I find I sometimes get like a burning stinging pain where the scars are inside me. I think it must be the scar tissue. I had a 4 inch tear from a sexual assault that was repaired internally. I also have an episiotomy scar from childbirth on the outside. I find this sometimes also hurts, so I am guessing it is scar tissue. Maybe somehow the nerves get damaged which can cause pain? I also get a burning feeling on my vulva as well.

I find that some gels and lubrication help to ease the pain during intercourse. Also foreplay to help relax.
Trust and time are the most important things as well I find. It helps to relax.

I really hope it will get easier for you Mitzi. It is never easy. I wish you the best.

 

[Thegirlsamess]

I also have vulvadynia. I feel like it came out of no where and no it won't leave. I started taking Effexor (an old anti-depressant). It helps some but doesn't take the pain away completely. I too stay away from scented soaps and feel like my pelvic muscles tighten during sex Its like it's involuntary. I used to think pain during sex was normal, but now I'm not to sure.

 

[Sun_Ray]

I have had really painful experience with sex in the last few years. Physical exam showed nothing wrong. OB didn't have answer. I googled and came across vaginismus and asked my T about it. She agreed completely that it was a result of the abuse. I have also been diagnosed with herniated L-5/S-1 disk. Add the two together and sex is out of the question.

 

[bearpaw]

I'm sorry you're having this problem. I also have pain that has been causing me problems over the past 15 years. I was diagnosed with PCOS, ovarian cysts rupturing has put me in emergency surgery at 14 years old. I continue to have pain "bouts" to this day. I always wondered if it could be something more or something else as well, because my OB said I shouldn't be having this much pain. Or maybe if it was related to the early and ongoing childhood sexual abuse.

 

[Tarot]

I have horrible periods and have always had pain during intercourse. I used to have a lot of problems inserting tampons and the sort. I'm pretty sure I have PCOS too due to the symptoms I have. I also suffer from really bad PMDD. I'm quite sure my grandmother did a heap of damage to my insides and where I'm at now physically is a result of it.