Are Some People Just Too Damaged To Heal?

[Tanishq]

I don't think thats me being aggresive or trying to avoid things, I think it is me asserting my needs, and I need to have inner peace, no more negative self talk and doubts and anxiety about what should be easy and free. And no more putting up with things that trigger.

I find your post much helpful and kind on me. :)

Best wishes to you,too. Seems you have done some hard work here.

 

[Tanishq]

I will never be able to understand how anyone let alone a parent can hurt a child (or anyone).

Dear Abstract,
I have no words the care you show towards me.

Thank you so much.
Big :hug: full of care and comfort.

 

[Tanishq]

I would like to get to the point where the PTSD doesn't require so much attention, doesn't sit on my shoulder all the time, nor act as a great white elephant in every relationship.

You know Hellie, This is the tricky part of our traumatic challenge. :nailbiting:

Thank you for your opinion. :)

 

[Tanishq]

I know I'm negative and angry, and I hope to God that I won't receive responses that try to convince me that touch in therapy leads to sex and that it is 'daaaaangerous boundary (ooooooh, oh, no, a boundary!!!) crossing.

Hi Pencil,

I believe the therapy you want is possible with your friends and loved ones. where they can give you true love. not sexual kind of and also not giving you some extra worry that it will go to physical level.

I am understanding what you are meaning here? Touch can lead anywhere. But be careful with such therapist. I understand sexual intimacy is highest form of love after true love, but not compared to true love. Should be only with your partner. Outside of it can disturb others.

I loved a counselor woman who was 3 years older then me when I was was 17 yr old. She gave me all kindness and we weren't into touch thing. Her unconditional love and care freed me from lying and dishonesty. So I believe true love can help you so much. It is capable of healing various problems.

Concern is pretty much there. Are there any female therapist so you can feel more comfortable?

 

[Tanishq]

I feel very attached to her already, and don't want to be. What if she leaves, or drops me?

Dear Shellbell,
I have the same issue. I think it is because we received so much abuse in past. We were unloved for big time of our life. Sometimes I do get attached too quickly. But I have understood it would spoil the whole relation.
So I go with the flow. Go with the flow thing has helped me much.

We were unsafe, we tend to look at future. Perhaps this may have instilled some attachment tendencies to us. It is very hard for me to explain.

:hug:

 

[Pencil]

Hi Pencil,

I believe the therapy you want is possible with your friends and loved ones.

Jaret
Perhaps if I find a therapist who is not cold and distant, it might help. As for partners, close friends - I have not been able to get near anyone in a very long time. My friends I have had since school and university and they are scattered all over the world - we communicate via e-mail. The last partner was more than 10 years ago. (My daughter is another story.) Before that my relationships were also distant as I just can't get close - physically or emotionally. I just can't do it. I have no family - my sister with whom I had a close bond died in August - but we were also strictly hands-off.

 

[Abstract]

P
I'm not, I ran.

Shellbell,

I know I don't know all the details but from what you have said it seems like a sensible decision to me. You were living in a country that allowed someone with this type of extreme criminal behaviour out of jail after so little time and then allowed him a gun licence. He then threatened your child and stalked you. I too would do what you did and that comes from a removed and logical space. I think there are times when fighting someone is not a good idea. I struggle with micro scenarios of that in my own life so I can understand the self judgment.

However, you are in a different country and I suspect one where guns etc are much less tolerated. And I do absolutely think that you can continue your journey despite still feeling under threat. It certainly means that certain of your symptoms could be influenced but a lot of healing comes separate to that. I have also found that certain aspects of having things happen in the present can help me process them.

I am in no way minimising this situation at all. I just do truly think you can continue on your journey as well as learn many skills to help you with this situation. I also think that discussing this in T and even possibly more here could really help you.

On a practical level I see many ways of you finding ways of both increasing your belief that you are adequately protected or ways of ensuring that you are fairly well protected. I like the set-up you and your husband have constructed.

It seems that maybe you are also on the blunt end of a breakdown and I know for me that letting that settle alone can help me in certain ways.

Please know that I am not assuming I know how you feel. Noone can do so for another person. I just do truly believe that there is huge scope for things improving for you. I am happy to contribute to that fund too. ;) The idiots days are numbered regardless. I realise that comes with certain thoughts for you but nevertheless he is not going to be around forever and in the mean time you get to build up your toolbox for life and living and claiming back your life for yourself and your husband and son.

 

[Pencil]

I'm not, I ran.

Shellbell, I agree with what Abstract said in response to this. Your situation was much more threatening on a physical level, and in those circumstances I would most definitely have moved away as well. Don't call it 'running'. But even where you are you can take further practical steps to ensure your safety - which will go a long way towards stopping him from running around inside your head as far as the future is concerned. Therapy will help you with the running around inside your head regarding the past.

Practical steps: the police, Interpol, getting someone who can report on his movements, hacking into his computer, sending him threatening messages thinking the source is someone else altogether? (I love this kind of A-team stuff). I'm not inciting you to do anything criminal, but when we brainstorm we come up with realistic steps to take. I read Sun Tzu's The Art of War, as well as various interpretations of it, and it is fascinating. One of the first rules of war/combat/office politicking/abusive relationships etc, is knowing the mind of the enemy. One of the main aims of a good (war) strategist is to win a war without any actual battles being fought.

So, shall we start collecting?

 

[Tanishq]

Perhaps if I find a therapist who is not cold and distant, it might help.

Hi Pencil,

I understand this. We need help with trust. Last two months I tried to reach out people. Some madams at college, they were being distant to me. It got more worst and I started losing more faith from them. It hurt me very much. It made me feel now making connection is also tough task for me.

Right now I am not feeling that hard. Those feelings are gone as I take walk at park.

Not having understanding and mutual support can make things very difficult for us. I hear your wish.

I am wishing you get more supportive and helpful therapist.
:hug:

 

[Tanishq]

Pencil, I have not gotten therapist yet. Sometimes I feel very hard to get support and managing things emotionally/physically.

 

[Tanishq]

Practical steps: the police, Interpol, getting someone who can report on his movements, hacking into his computer, sending him threatening messages thinking the source is someone else altogether?

I second this. Shellbell's situation much more upsetting and life threatening. But I think now he can't chase her as she has changed the country. Big relief for her.

 

[saffy]

Best wishes to you,too. Seems you have done some hard work here.

Thanks Jaret, I like to think of it as a journey that has led me down many paths and I have turned back from some of them and continued on others. It has been enlightening :)

I echo your post about not yet getting therapy. I found that the wait was to long and this would have to be my own personal journey, I could noty go on feelling and thinking like this.

Unfortunately the only therapist I connected to passed away quite a few years ago. But she did help me see one thing I had always missed and just didn't understand how manipulative my mother was.

I hope you find ways of helping yourself as well as seeking it from others :)

best wishes
Saffy :)