Are You Involved With Your Community?

[KwanYingirl]

I live in a small beach community that has lots of activities in the summer. Today there was a parade through the village for July 4th. I had no intention of going and standing in the crowd, but my neighbor dragged me to it.

Everyone was cheering the goofy floats and the children who decorated their bikes and older young adults that dressed up as Vikings or clowns or mermaids.

I didn't not like it and I didn't like it. The whole community was out. I just don't want to get to know all these people and feel like i have to go visit them on my walks with Annie.

Is this a PTSD thing? Do you join community groups or otherwise contribute to your town? If yes, what do you get out of it? If no, what keeps you from not joining the community?

 

[scout86]

Is this a PTSD thing?

I don't know.

I live 10 miles from the nearest town. The town where I usually get groceries is 17 miles. They do a 4th of July parade every other year. (600 people and a small budget!). I usually consider going and then don't. I'd probably enjoy it if I went. I do buy tickets for the various raffles the community groups have as fund raisers and donate to the volunteer fire department fund raisers. I guess it give me some sense of "belonging". When I actually go to stuff, it tends mostly to make me aware that I only "kind of" belong. I guess I tend not to go because that feeling of not belonging anywhere is something I'd rather avoid.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think that it may indeed be related to PTSD. I know that I am not as social as I would have been without the trauma.

I tend to not get involved in community things because I don't like to feel pressured to be involved. I don't like to feel that I'm letting other people down if my symptoms spike. I don't want to explain to people that I'm having a bad day and cannot do something.

Don't get me wrong. I would like to have those kinds of social connections. I don't have them at this point, and it scares me to think that one day I may be completely isolated. I just don't feel like I'm strong enough at this point to be able to stand up to the judgment of others. (I'm not working and still living with family. I'm in my mid-30's now, so I'm sure how you can see how I'm viewed as a loser given the fact that I tell nobody about my disability status.)

I am getting better, but I'm still at the point where I'm unsure of a lot of things. I don't want to risk a huge setback right now if I encounter judgment or insensitivity (putting it mildly) and I don't want to have to weed through a ton of people (you KWIM) in order to find one decent person who is understanding.

 

[The Albatross]

Yes I participate in my community. Do I like it? Not always, but it's a goal challenge... sometimes I find I like it and I repeat it. What do I get out of it? I get a sense of general helpfulness for my community. But I am a volunteer Poll Worker, a volunteer for a not for profit, and was til January a volunteer helper for a friend whose mom has end stage dementia and is now on hospice. It has normalized... the exposures have helped me to feel much less anxiety when dealing with the public and larger groups of people. It has also made me feel some sense of self worth, I am doing something needed or necessary that is assistive to others.

 

[The Albatross]

I don't think though that observing a parade is necessarily community involvement. It is clear though sad that your perspective though genuine, couldn't be broken through so that you could see the parade as something a community does for children/families/tourists.

I think I would examine why you feel being present in a community event means you have or feel obligated to "know them". I don't get where you feel now obligated to "visit them". Something else to refute or consider.

I live in a town of many festivals... my community is about 100,000. If I am at a festival or parade, I scan for faces I know, and am open to being present for the event... I can tell you I certainly don't feel obligated to visit anybody after the event.

You went to a parade... you feel/think you need to "know everyone?" I don't get it.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You went to a parade... you feel/think you need to "know everyone?" I don't get it.

Large town/city people will never understand the dynamics of living in a small town. Its VERY different! I grew up in a small town, then moved to the country. When I went away to grad school, people told me that my perception of small town living was flat out WRONG. Well, until another friend who grew up in a small town said "nope, she's right! That's how it is in small towns!" I think that the city people were a bit shocked at how different it is to live in a small town.

 

[Friday]

Isolation? For sure.

For always? Nope. During my good years I was very involved socially & community-wise in the areas I lived... Even if that wasn't the norm. In certain areas "my people" were this big rag tag band of expats from friendlier areas. I like people. Except when I hate people ;)

 

[hodge]

I grew up in a big city but moved to a small town years ago to be with my husband. I've tried volunteering, as I used to do often before PTSD, but now I find that I get so overwhelmed and ill from it that I don't do it anymore. I really wish I could. I do the minimum, like going to the volunteer firefighters' benefit each year, but even that is trying. But I know what you mean about living in a small town. At least I was able to put up an art display during our annual festival a few weeks ago. But I didn't have to be there and be around people, so it was okay.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Yes, it is a small town thing to be expected to stop and visit people while walking the dog. It is expected to participate fully in every community activity. I raised my children in a very small town during good times of my life. At that time I embraced the participation and was quit active in school and civic activities. Everyone knew everyone and it was common to stop and chat with whoever happened to drive down my dirt road.
But something changed when my PTSD escalated. I am withdrawn in crowds. It's a beach community and most of the folks are in party mode all weekend. When I walk on the beach, it is overwhelming to be chatting with every other person I pass by. I may have been less averse to the parade if my dog wasn't so agitated by the noise and crowd.
It was just another example of the old me vs. the PTSD me. Perhaps in time I will settle and not feel so different. Maybe dress in whacky clothes and walk in the parade. I used to do that and had fun doing it. I struggle to feel a part of anything. And yes, I don't want to be judged.

 

[Loris]

I used to be very involved with community through my job and my business,my interests and socially. I served on non-profit boards and committees,volunteered, worked on community events,etc....I liked being involved, liked helping people and my community,so I was quite active.
Now? Now,is very different.
For the last couple of years I have become increasingly socially isolated. After living through traumas,both old and new....something in my psyche decided that the best way to stay safe, was to distance myself from others. I have truly struggled with not wanting to to "expose" myself, and had closed down my "circle of trust" to only a very few. I had isolated myself,even more after my husband died a year ago. Between my existing PTSD and depression I was on the verge of also being diagnosed as agorophobic/social anxiety. With my daughter about to go off to college, I realized that I was going to be alone,and truly in danger of being socially isolated for the rest of my life. Life has been challenging enough, I could not imagine living this way for decades to come. What kind of a life would I be living,closed off from everyone? That sobering realization served as the catalyst for working on small steps to be more active and out in the community,again. Very small steps. But,I am taking them.
Including a parade outing,myself....while it might seem like going to an community event like a parade is a very small thing for most,for those of us with such challenges.....it can be a very BIG step.

You went to a parade... you feel/think you need to "know everyone?" I don't get it.

@The Albatross ...you don't have to "get it", just like others do not have to fully understand your unique challenges. We each have PTSD issues, which stop us cold...and our unique little victories are victories, nonetheless.


@KwanYingirl ,I think it was very good that, even though you did not want to go to the parade, you pushed past it....and went!.
Is Annie your dog?
I got a service dog(a young dog,so in training),recently...and she has made a HUGE positive difference for me, especially in being able to get out in my community. She does not wear a vest or any typical service dog "flair" (99%of people who know me do not know I have a disability) and is very friendly and cute(she is a Sheltie)and I do not mind if people approach to see/pet her,or for small talk about her. She serves as a bit of a social bridge, each time I take her for a walk....albeit superficial and brief(which is fine with me,for now.). Right now,I need exactly that little bit of social contact,so she is helping me perfectly. For you,you may need not to interact with people regarding your dog...what happens if you go for walks alone? Or with her, but in quieter places?
When you go out in your community,if you are not ready to get to know someone or visit them(as you mentioned)....don't. Only do what you feel comfortable with,for now. Small steps. Keep taking them! :)

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

I've just moved to a village, surrounded by other villages. I'm not involved in the community because as a new comer I'm still classed as a bit of an outsider. I don't know if that will change.

I work from home too so I don't get the chance to meet many people, but occasionally I'll go back to where I was living before and its a much friendlier atmosphere.

But I would say that because of the PTSD, I much prefer my own company.

 

[Ronin]

Involved? I'd guess I am. I just don't let people get too close. That kind of a person people can't decide if I'm a stranger or if I belong and they just haven't seen me for a long time, nonetheless someone having an idea what's up where & enough active around to be helpful.

Is involved in actions and detached from relationships a thing? ;) I guess that's it. I care for people around, I just don't want the gossip & dirty laundry going with anything, and do my best to stay away from that.