Other Asperger's/asd

[shatter eyes]

I don't like eye contact, I don't like to be touched,

Same same.
The eye contact thing really makes life hard. Even my parents thought i was a sneaky shit because i couldnt look at them. At school i got blamed for vandalism and when questioned i couldnt look at principle in the eye and say NOT ME. I got suspended.
Years later i told myself FKeM.. i will trick them by looking at their eye brows. Idiots will think i am looking at theit eyes but actually i am not. Fake it till u make it. Today i can look at strangers in the eye and not feel the anxiety discomfort i was had. Trickery helped me fit in...kinda makes me wonder why this world is full of tricks.

The second one about being touched very uncomfortable. Even if the person is attractive.
When I joined AA this pretty lady came and hugged me after meeting. I did not know what or how to process. I thought she wanted xxx xoxo. It bothered me for weeks. I decided to get it over with the mystery hug. I went back to meetings and went coffee even though i dont drink coffee. I was waiting for her to ask if i want to fk her. Nothing happened and few days later i called and asked her why u hug me? She said.. what hug?? I told her on May 12th 200x u hugged me. She replied.. oh i give all newcomers hugs.

I felt really silly and told her i how i felt about being touched. I told her about the ASD and she understood never to hug me again unless she wanted to send my brain some naughty signals.

Weird world of hugs. Always see people in public hugging baffles me. In my head... it always starts with a hug..then a baby comes.

Its funny because animals can touch me and lick my face.. i would laugh but never feel the creepy anxiety i get from humans.

I learned that to fit in i had to mask myself when hugging.. yo bro luv ya fist bump stuff too.

My counselor told me to watch Mozart and the Whale, running with scissors, and read Jon Elders Look Me in The Eye.

I suspect PTSD and ASD multiply the symptoms as natural we feel sensitive already and misunderstood. Goofy quirky weird i been told too many times.. now add PTSD labile volatile explosive disociative disconnected hyper vigilent.

ASD = Awesome Sincere Dude
PTSD = Please Tell Stories Dear

Btw... i name people animal names.
Badger boy
Bear bear
Rabbid rabbit
Monkey
Dragon
Wormsey
Leo Lion
Walrus...etc etc.

I read Aspies usually use animal names...to describe themselves and friends.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Interesting thing about eye contact for me: before I had PTSD, I had long since trained myself to make eye contact.

Now, though, I often have a hard time doing that. I feel really uncomfortable around people, I guess, and it takes me a while to warm up to them. That used to not be such an issue. I also kind of just space out and forget to make eye contact. I am not always very present.

I almost never make eye contact with my therapist, but she never says anything about it, that said I'm also talking about really difficult stuff with her, when I'm in there. My pdoc on the other hand, constantly points out all the little things I do with my hands and all sorts of other stuff. Stuff I do when I'm nervous/anxious.

Something about being looked at, and looking at someone in the eyes, makes me uncomfortable, which wasn't there before. It's like I'm afraid of looking. I wonder whether it's just PTSD or whether after the trauma I kind of reverted to some autistic behaviors.

However I can still do something like walk into a gas station and get my nicotine pouch thingies, and interact with the clerk totally normally, just because it's such a rehearsed, scripted action. That said I have had to just leave the store before, in the checkout line, because some people weren't respecting my personal space bubble and it was freaking me out (thanks, PTSD). I try to only go out to the pharmacy or to do whatever else in public, at times when there aren't so many people around.