At Therapy Today ... T Confidentiality

[Friday]

3rd person...

My son's T reported his father.. So my son ended up in the hospital.
My son's doctors reported his father... So my son ended up in the hospital.
My son's teachers reported his father... So my son ended up in the hospital.

CPS & Family court have both found my son's father guilty of child abuse & neglect on several occasions. There has never even been an interruption of custody. Nope. Instead, each and every single time his father is "embarrassed" by being "caught", he just steps up his abuse 10 fold.

The idea that reporting will protect ANYONE? Not just some supposed future victims, but even the actual, ongoing, proven victim? Is bullshit. Does it happen sometimes? Sure. Absolutely. People win the lottery all the time. But it's far from a certainty that if you play you win.

What Ifs & Might Have Beens are the stuff of dreams ...and nightmares.

What Is, is hard enough. No need to import more nightmares.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

CPS & Family court have both found my son's father guilty of child abuse & neglect on several occasions. There has never even been an interruption of custody. Nope. Instead, each and every single time his father is "embarrassed" by being "caught", he just steps up his abuse 10 fold.

Its a f*cking piece of shit system were they are overloaded (then higher more people dumbasses) so they cant do proper homechecks. Most ive known never go past the front door. A f*cking father was on national television on Dr Phil with a 3 yr old girl saying "Daddy touched my pee pee", mom is recording and has medical evidence and he f*cking fails a lie detecter. She was told in court she had to let her see him or go to jail for something like 5 days. I would do the remainder of my life in jail than to drop my baby off with their abuser, but no, she dropped her off. I go to look up the story to see what happened and the man never went on charges until they find child porn on his PC and now like 4 yrs later still not faced any charges over his daughter. Its a dumb ass worthless system that needs looked at well before HealthCare!

 

[Panda Bear]

I was told by my T that he would have to report my childhood sexual abuse, if I knew the whereabouts of my abusers. Which in all honesty, I do not know where they are.

 

[Naoru]

My T has advised me to report a certain family member (who is one of my past abusers) because children are involved and she has also stopped me from going further with a story to advise me of her reporting obligations if I proceed. I haven't reported said family member as I know this would likely make the situation worse (and well, like anything, it's complicated) and we have addressed the other situations in a more round-about fashion in order to validate my feelings and have the problem addressed. That said, it has made me more hesitant with opening up ever since. While I know she prefers not to report unless absolutely necessary, now it seems like she'll report everything. Lol

As others have said, reporting laws vary from location to location and dealing with minors changes everything. Did your T have you sign anything at the beginning of treatment outlining what she was required to report?

I understand your feelings surrounding her comment, for sure. Reporting abusers can be a tricky issue.

 

[joeylittle]

Great job sharing, @Missycat.

This question has come up before, re: mandated reporting and the NHS. I believe that the clinician has some discretion, generally - but it seems to depend on whether they work for a group, as well. I remember members writing about how some therapists had a group policy to report no matter what.

It sounds like yours is being very honest about the whole situation, which is generally a good thing. And it does sound like she'd make a report of the perpetrator(s) were still in the UK.

I think it would be great for you to talk about your feelings with her. I struggle with shame about not disclosing and I also get very angry when I think about the times I have potentially been subject to mandated reporting. It's a scary feeling, for someone to be able to crush your sense of security and confidentiality.

Thankfully in this case, it sounds like you don't have anything to worry over.

But do talk with her more about it, so you can work through the feelings that have arisen.

 

[Crow]

My Ts to my knowledge have never reported my brother but I told my cousin about the abuse from 40 years ago and I believe she reported. I mentioned that to T in my last session and she asked if I thought he was a threat. I said yeah. I could tell her alarm bells were going off. I won't be surprised to hear her say she reported him.

 

[Missycat]

@FridayJones , im really saddened that your son's abuse continued although it was reported numerous times and that the authorities were aware. It absolutely supports the argument that victims/survivors have with themselves whether they should report it and speak up.
@joeylittle , i've already noted down what i want to discuss with my T and it includes this so i can talk to her about how it made me feel. I trust her.
Thanks everyone for your comments and insight. :hug: s

 

[Rumors]

3rd person...

My son's T reported his father.. So my son ended up in the hospital.
My son's doctor...

I'm just wondering, but did he live with his dad? Why did they hospitalize your son if you were an option? I just haven't ever heard of that I guess. I guess I am assuming you and his dad were separated or not together at the time.

 

[Ronin]

I reported to all hells and back and it has led to nothing but denied access to further care and being labeled a problem, in the better case.

So keep yourself safe first.
For the little good reporting may do, it may be too much risk.

 

[Friday]

I'm just wondering, but did he live with his dad? Why did they hospitalize your son if you were an opti...

He was hospitalized for injuries sustained.
And, no, that doesn't matter. The abuse was proven when we divorced, and has been proven to be ongoing ever since. That doesn't affect custody for even a minute.
His father and I have 50/50 custody.

In my state its the norm. Don't want to say more than that to avoid thread-jacking. Except that it's very common in many areas for abusers to either never lose custody, regardless of injuries sustained or crimes committed, or to be given "back" custody after completing whatever hippy dippy bullshit counseling the courts order.

The part that isn't thread-jackery is that the fantasy a lot of kids -and far too many adults- have, that if someone would have said something, that the abuse would have stopped, because the courts would do "something". (Instead of doing nothing, and the abuse continuing, or getting worse in response to the reports), is just that. It's a fantasy. Maybe they'd be taken away from their abuser, but if they lived in an area like mine? Nope. Their abuser would -at most- get a weekend counseling order, if they're family. ((All DV excluding homicide is seen in family court, which cannot sentence jail-time. Including charges of assault with intent to kill. But is legislated to "repair & rebuild" families via counseling. :banghead: And if they lived in an area that's overloaded with child abuse (like 20+ elementary kids all having syphalis being just one of hundreds of open & unsolved cases of one caseworker?)) Again, nope.

The system? Is broken.

People are mostly decent, in my experience. They want to believe that reporting is an action that will yield results. It usually doesn't. And worse, in some areas, the only results reporting does is to make everything worse.

I'm always really happy for people when I hear that they got a good outcome from the courts in their area :) Because in a lot of areas? Like mine? Rare as frogs fur. To the point we have social workers killed by abusive parents, and still no change in law or practice.

So things crop up like Missy's T saying would have to report IF... And then cascading mindf*ck of "What if???" And how would that have changed things, and who else wouldn't have been hurt, and, and, and, and... And it just makes me :(. Because in a lot of places? It's just a fantasy that the report would do anything. Getting twisted up over might have beens, that there's quite simply no way to know which might have been would have happened. Too many real things to hurt over, to let might have been elbow their way in, too.

 

[Missycat]

@FridayJones - sadly i imagine this happens too often, hence why many dont report it.
In the uk there have been some high profile cases (ie celebs) where prison sentences have been handed out so i suppose its set a bit of a presedence in a way. There has been a local case recently where an individual was sentenced to 15 yrs for CSA. However in the press today it states that our government are reviewing the guidelines for management and classification of child sex offenders in that they should be treated as children first and foremost rather than sex offenders, regardless of age - another reason why victims , particularly of sibling incest will not report abuse.
Its a crazy crazy world :(

 

[GrayOwl]

He was hospitalized for injuries sustained.
And, no, that doesn't matter. The abuse was proven when...

Friday, because this site doesn't have an ** AGREE X 1,000** button I thought I'd insert my own.
Sage words. Sorry for your personal losses.
I hope we never stop trying to attain justice.
But we must place self preservation first.