At Therapy Today ... T Confidentiality

[Deleted member 34328]

I'm scrolling down this thread for the first time since it is something I've thought about and immediately rejected for myself. My abuser was a doctor. I didn't report him at the time since my own physical health required a lot of healing. I don't think I really identified what happened as rape until about a month later when my mind began to process all that had happened.

My T has a private practice and I think he only intervenes when he feels his client is at risk to himself/herself or there is evidence of ongoing abuse. He has safe guards in place about taking on clients, but in my personal situation, he left it up to me as to whether I wanted to press charges or not. Rape is very serious, but personally, I don't want anything to do with him. I won't willingly go back to that hospital ever again if I have a choice. Could other women be hurt? Probably. Maybe my choice is wrong and I ought to act otherwise, but like I said, I don't ever want to see, hear of him or anything else that puts me in proximity of him. - at least not intentionally.

Regardless, given that my T has a private practice (and in Canada), maybe the guidelines are different, I don't know. All I do know is that there is no imminate danger to myself or my family. I am very angry about it and it's one topic in therapy that I have a very hard time discussing.

I'm not sure if my post has been any help whatsoever. I apologize if I've turned it around to my own situation. I'm horrified at your situation @Missycat . I've also read a few other posts that has me really angry. These abusers ought to be treated as the've treated. Experience and suffer perhaps more than the pain they've inflicted.

I truly hope that things resolve in a much safer and satisfying way then they are right now. My heart goes out to several of you!

 

[Missycat]

@stp2012 , thank you for your comments and kind words.
I am sorry that you had to go through what you went through and am pleased that you are in therapy and getting the help you deserve and need. I wish you all the best in your recovery :hug:
It is absolutely your choice whether you take any action and as Friday commented, sadly it can often not make any difference. I, as with you, dont want anything to do with my abuser and because they are out of the country Im not going to see them. Unfortunately as its a close family member their name comes up in other family members conversations , i dont get involved and try and ignore it, so family members just think we dont get on (gosh if only they all knew !!) the biggest impact on me is that it triggers flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, panic attacks and anger - hence why i saught therapy.
Im planning to discuss with my T at my next session ( if i can be brave enough to open up that is)
MC

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Maybe my choice is wrong and I ought to act otherwise, but like I said, I don't ever want to see, hear of him or anything else that puts me in proximity of him. - at least not intentionally.

You don't have to press charges to report someone. They aren't mutually exclusive, at least here where I live. It might just mean that the doctor is investigated or watched more closely especially if there is a pattern of reports.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

@JEKBreatheandBelieve you're probably right. It happened 4yrs ago now and although all my medical records could easily be pulled...get the name etc... I really don't want anything to do with it.

Maybe that seems a cowardly way out, but it's (he's) my biggest demon in all this PTSD stuff and I just can't face even the thought of going back there. I honestly do hope that he'll have to answer for his actions someday, I just don't want to be a part of it. Does that make sense?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Does that make sense?

Totally and completely makes sense. I just wanted you to know that. I can't advise you on what to do, nor would I know what to tell you because I wouldn't even know what to tell myself! We all need to do what is best for ourselves in the situations we're in.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

@JEKBreatheandBelieve I know. Thanks for your input though. It's nice to be heard and believed.

 

[Lucycat]

@Missycat my story is the reverse of yours - please bear with me while I try to explain.

A young lady - I will call her C - was referred to a psychiatrist as she was struggling with emotions having escaped a relationship that was labelled as Domestic Abuse. While seeing the psychiatrist C told him that she was sexually abused as a small child by her Uncle. The psychiatrist encouraged her to tell her mother and report the uncle to the police. It took a lot of soul searching on her part, but once she told her mother, there was no going back. Her mother entirely supported C in reporting to the Police. The psychiatrist did not 'threaten' to report himself, but explained that children were still at risk of this uncle.

Following her report - the Police telephoned me. Her Uncle was my father. I always believed until that day that I was the only person he was sexually abusing. By C going to the Police he was prosecuted for abusing 6 girls, including me and sentenced to jail. He is out now, but also out of my life. If C had not had the courage to report him we would still all be living the secret and he could still be abusing children. Instead he is on the sex offender's register for the rest of his life.

 

[Missycat]

@Lucycat , thank you for sharing your story and im sorry that you had to go through that. C was so brave to take action as it is so difficult to do.
My T knows that i have problems with guilt and self blame and that i sometimes belittle what happened to me , mostly as self protection, so i think she was also trying to tell me that im not at fault and that what happened was serious and i shouldnt be hard on myself. I certainly didnt feel she threatened it. Obviouslt it did effect me enough for me to ask the forum members about it, hence why i plan to speak to her.
Another reason for me not being able to speak out is how it would effect close family members.
My T tells me that i consider others first - which i think i do.
Again, i really appreciate you sharing your story.
MC

 

[Lucycat]

My T knows that i have problems with guilt and self blame and that i sometimes belittle what happened to me

That is exactly what I used to do. When I realised/learned that he had abused others I felt like it was all my fault. Because I stopped him abusing me he moved onto other - younger children. However T has taught me that it was all The abuser's responsibility. When he moved on to others that was his choice. I spent a long time telling T that it was 'not that bad', but he could tell by my level of distress and emotional melt down that it was not true. It was that bad, and once I had acknowledged that it was easier to move forwards.

Until my recent retirement, I have been working for the past 30 years as a Children's Nurse. I have done numerous Child Protection training courses and study days. But even then - until the Police phoned me I did not 'connect the dots'. I never saw him as a threat to others. I knew what he did to me was not right, but I was in total denial, and never even considered the bigger picture. I first started seeing T soon after the Police telephone call - which sent me into a breakdown. However with his help I have accepted the reality, not 'I should have known better' but - that it is not my fault. It is easy to say, and I remember the number of people that said it to me in the early days. It took a long time to actually believe it.

 

[GWhizz]

Yes I'm actually in a similar situation myself and think I brought it up here before. As a result I didn't go into any details with my T and still struggle with that for fear of the repercussions. It's so hard. I actually forgot about it for a while and considered writing some things down for her recently as I feel it's important that she at least has a background picture of my history. But I just can't trust the potential outcome if she did report any of it. I guess I would probably deny it but I'm not sure that would stop an investigation. I've felt cowardice about it but I just know it wouldn't help matters. Funny that my first T never even suggested it and I told her a lot.

 

[Missycat]

@GWhizz , i understand the concern with repercussions. One of the reasons why i have not reported it was due to the repercussions for my family and fear of losing contact with family scares me. Not having to have contact with my abuser has helped and made me feel safer, however i have found out today that they are planning to visit the uk - i dont know when so am trying not to worry. I will do all i can to avoid them.
Oh ive got a long list of things to talk about wiht my T this week :(

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I've already posted this on another thread, but I just don't know how to go to the dr who hurt me! I certainly applaud those of you who did. That takes more courage and inner strength than can be put into words.

My struggle is that what if he comes after me if I report him? It'll obviously ruin his career and I don't expect him to ever admit to anything. I don't want to be called a liar by the person who haunts my dreams. I do have nightmares about him coming after me and hurting not only me but my children as well. Given how easily info can get out or be accessed, I have no real reason to believe that won't happen. I was alone with him in an exam room when it happened, so it's just my word against his. I can report it, but not do anything.

For the sake of my children (all elementary) I can't take that risk...