Ate Out By Myself

[Blues in NYC]

Title says it all. After my therapy session today, before getting on the subway home, I stopped at a small California style burrito joint, get a seat--back facing the wall and able to see the whole room of course--and got a non-spicy vegetarian burrito. By myself.

A late lunch rush hit about 15 minutes after I sat down. It was crowded and noisy. So it was a difficult experience. But I held my hand over that candle and finished my meal. My gut feels a bit wonky now. But I did it. And now I can remind myself that I can do something like that if I need to again.

Of course I'm exhausted now. And I get to take most the rest of the day off. :smile:

 

[Deleted member 541]

Great job Blues......I'm just a bit disappointed that you didn't invite me........:dontknow:

Give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done, that was a huge step in your recovery, if you didn't know it........:thumbs-up

 

[Nicolette]

Well done BINYC...personally I would have gone spicy but good stuff in terms of PTSD :thumbs-up

 

[fin]

Welldone Blues, it is good to read you doing this for you, thankyou for sharing this here.

 

[Claire]

Nice one Blues, well done. :occasion:

 

[Noone.]

Hey Blues.

Alright that is great I diddn't even want to go out.
Then when I did,
I always did the back to the wall thing but after a while I never got any better.
So I thought of the worst place to be????
and I started sitting there.
Now it's the best place to sit.
Hang in there.

Be safe.

FIRE.

 

[kers]

Hey, that's an accomplishment! Especially after a therapy appointment.

 

[cragger65]

At a boy Blues. Small steps add up, I am learning.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Kudos to Ya

As someone who can't do what you did, I know how hard it was for you to hang in there.

Be proud of yourself, you deserve it.

 

[Blues in NYC]

Another small success today:

Had my first social outing in my plan to do one outing a week with a different person from my small social circle that knows I have PTSD. Someone I can just "be myself with." And the bigger challenge is I'm having whomever I'm meeting suggest a place I've never been. NYC is a big place with a lot of small quiet hidden treasures from coffee shops to out of the way parks.

Today was decaf and a lemon tart with an artist friend near one of the Universities in Manhattan. I'm feeling a bit sapped. But I think this will be some good exposure to "outside" stimuli and a good way to fight against agoraphobia.

And I was able to keep the date (though I SOOOO wanted to cancel) despite having had to deal with the cops coming to the building again as we learned that my assailant is on the lam. Folks here often say "you should feel proud of yourself!" in response to a success posting. I do feel proud. I know this was a small success. But it's huge for me. And I'm happy with the progress I'm even seeing in my recovery.

Though I did get the shakes and my stupid tourettes-like hand tick at a couple points while out with my friend. But dammit, so what! I got out and enjoyed myself.

Oh and the best part--my friend snapped a pic with her cell phone camera of a yellow caution sign on a worksite that was modified to read "Caution: No Substantial Floor" In the context of an afternoon where conversation drifted in and out of life after trauma, we both found this sign hillarious. BTW, are we allowed to post images here? I've accidentally broken rules (like no outside links :doh:in the recent past and would like to avoid doing so again--disciplinary notes, though they aren't meant to be, are a trigger. :wall:) So if I can, I'd like to post the pic once she emails it to me. :smile:

 

[her_indoors43]

:rolleyes:your so brave,blues........:thumbs-up...i near need a paper bag to breathe in to read this post..........'ate out by myself'......:eek:....omg .........:kiss:.you did so well......you rock........

i reckon you should set up a challenge to us chatters blues........1 person each week from here should go eat out alone......:eek:..............OK VERY BIG DUMB IDEA.......BREATHE BREATHE BREATHE.....AND I CIRCLE THE HOUSE 10 TIMES AND LOOK OUT EVERY WINDOW JUST TO GO GET THE MAIL.... but i have it down to fine art......my 10yr gets home from school and i yell out 'grab the mail'......hehehe......the tricks we pull....anyhoo....well done blues.....im so envious...........

 

[Blues in NYC]

your so brave,blues...........i near need a paper bag to breathe in to read this post..........'ate out by myself'..........omg ..........you did so well......you rock........

i reckon you should set up a challenge to us chatters blues........1 person each week from here should go eat out alone....................OK VERY BIG DUMB IDEA.......BREATHE BREATHE BREATHE.....AND I CIRCLE THE HOUSE 10 TIMES AND LOOK OUT EVERY WINDOW JUST TO GO GET THE MAIL.... but i have it down to fine art......my 10yr gets home from school and i yell out 'grab the mail'......hehehe......the tricks we pull....anyhoo....well done blues.....im so envious...........

Mail is another story for me ironically. It takes me past my assailant's former apartment door. The sounds, smells, density of the hardwood floor in the hall, acoustics... all of it adds up as a symphony of triggers and I start shaking really really badly each time I get the mail. Funny that, huh?

Both in good and bad ways, my biggest concentration of triggers for the WORST of my trauma--the recent trauma--not the early childhood trauma--are all in my building. It's helping to get out additional hours each week beyond doctors visits.

Like every comic book superhero, I guess we all have our own unique brands of strengths and weaknesses! Keep at it her_indoors! You'll find a way to overcome your kryptonite via your own strengths, courages and loves! :thumbs-up

And thanks all for the support as I do these little things. Much peace and respect to you all. :smile: