Avoiding death/funerals

[RRT13]

Looking to see if I'm alone or not?!
I lost my sister to heart problems when I was 13 and she was 4 years old. Left me to being an only child. Never had therapy or counseling. Never dealt with grief. Crying over her made me feel weak and vulnerable hich I have a hard time feeling still to this day. Im 36 now. Anyway, guess what I'm saying is when I hear of someone passing or a funeral I completely shut down emotionally. I just can't really bring myself to show sympathy or empathy. I feel like a horrible person over this. I feel like it's tied to my sister because maybe I don't want to experience these emotions again like I did when I lost my sister. Can anyone relate?

 

[The Albatross]

Learning how to manage adversity, including grief and bereavement is a life skill that all are called to deal with. Feeling horrible because you can't show sympathy or empathy v.s. addressing the core issue which would be "how to manage loss" is a behavior or choice.

 

[Justmehere]

I’m so sorry you lost your sister. :hug:

I don’t think you are a horrible person at all. A lot of people struggle with grief even without a sudden loss like that at such a young age. Many people are afraid to work it through.

I’ve avoided feeling grief myself and I’ve avoided funerals for less than healthy reasons.

Avoiding it usually keeps it stuck. Learning to ride the waves of grief can lead to a lot of healing and freedom - including the grief itself lessening considerably. I’d suggest seeking out counseling to begin to work through the grief of losing your sister so you can live more in the way you’d like to live.

 

[Freida]

Yep - right there with you. Lot's of deaths in the family when I was little -- no more funerals for me.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Death/dead bodies are a trigger for me. I try and stay away from wakes/funerals as much as I can. If I must go, I try to bring someone with me I feel safe with.

Losing your sister when you were that young, you probably didn’t know how to process her death and why death occurs. We all grieve differently and maybe you need to find a grief group to be able to process this. I’m sorry for your loss and wish the best for you.