Avoiding exercise because it's a trigger

[Ecdysis]

I've posted about this before, but it's still a huge problem.

My physical condition has really nosedived badly after having spinal surgery 18 months ago followed by a double lung embolism.

I've been back in the hospital for outpatient testing of my heart and lungs and tho I've not got all results yet, the one's I've gotten so far were okay.

For one of them I had to be on an exercise bike, wearing an oxygen mask thing with an EKG and other stuff being measured as I cycled for 15 minutes and the intensity increasing over time.

I got dizzy and felt like I'd tip off the bike, but they kept pushing me to go over my limits (it was fine, they were professional/ nice about it and I was doing it consensually/ voluntarily). It felt like shit and I got into the anaerobe zone.

So afterwards, the Dr explained that the only way to get my condition to improve is to "push myself over that limit" again and again, and the "training" will mean that that limit slowly improves and increases over time.

I get it. I understand the theory. And it's a relief that the tests were okay so far and to know that it just feels THAT SHITE because my condition is so poor. It's not a danger signal, it's just that a normal walk feels like I'm going for a 500 m run.

So now we're back with the PTSD stuff, that I've always found exercise really, really triggering. Making myself run (association: run away, flee, danger, stress, fear) pushing myself beyond my limits (association: trauma was just beyond my limits all of the time, relentlessly, not a good state), sweat (association: the sweat associated with fear, panic, terror), pounding heart rate (association: fear, panic), etc etc....

And previously this trigger was "just" with normal exercise, but now with my condition being so poor, it happens all the time and I literally dunno how to "avoid" it without harming my health further and further.

But trying to "make myself do it" is so difficult. And on bad days (of which I have too many atm) it feels impossible.

I'm trying to find some more positive associations - like "this sweat feels like being inside a great, relaxing sauna" to try and take my mind off it.

My healthcare provider has also given me the opportunity of doing guided exercises for up to 2 hours a week in a small, calm gym/ physio practice of my choice. Which was working well until petrol/ gas prices skyrocketed and now I've cut out all non-essential driving, so that exercise option is currently on hold.

Edit to add: I'd been trying to do exercise "within my limits" and hoping that would be "enough". But it's crap to realise that no, it's not. Now it feels like a waste doing that type of exercise, although logically I know that it's not.

 

[Movingforward10]

I’ve managed triggers with exercising. Thought stopping, exposures, and bringing myself in to present day has all helped. With practise.

I don’t understand the pushing yourself to limits thing. That isn’t what exercise is about? Building up gently is really good. Can you do some things at home, like yoga or stretching? Or the coach to 5k programme is really good. All no cost and accessible.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

Ultimately exercise is good on many fronts. Just start easy, a 10 minute walk and then turn around and walk back. Do it 6 days a week. After a week or so add a little time. My trainer used to have me do some intense still on my bike like hill repeats and intervals. My BP spikes under heavy exercise so I don’t do hard efforts anymore. But I still get the benefits of exercising. Just keep at it.

 

[Dynamic]

I was going to suggest slow long walks which for me helped to reconnect with my body in general and what I listened to or thought about on the walks had to be calming / or stabilizing / grounding.