Avoiding my life

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi I am avoiding my life... I haven't returned home to my flat.... After my anniversary.... Why...... To much shite...... Nasty neighbours... Banging noises....

Little things like going shopping for dinner... Etc etc.... It's OK where I am.... But I'm avoiding my life... I'm not painting.... I'm not exercising...

Im due to go home tomorrow... It was nice not have so many responsibilities.. Anyone else get this way?...

 

[Lilminks]

Hi I am avoiding my life... I haven't returned home to my flat.... After my anniversary.... Why...... To m...

I have spent years doing the samething and once I feel better I will find a home to buy and travel. Most of my friends here I grew up with are dead. I have 2 friends that also suffer from PTSD and it is really hard to see them because it has been really hard for us to meet, talk, socialize, etc. because we have flares and we can not plan a time to meet. I say it is "MY" time now and I have a bucket list I plan on completing. My return to home after being gone for 27 years has been living hell. My whole family has been suffering in their own misery and are jealous that I can get better after about 5-7 months because I chosed to deal with my traumatic life and they don't.

 

[Friday]

I don't even know how many flats I've simply walked away from. Just one day having coffee in a cafe, stand up get on a train, and leave. Different city, different country, different life.

What I've come to learn is that when that impulse strikes? It usually has a very limited shelf life. 6weeks to 6months on average. At the time I'm either sure it's "forever" (or I really don't care / there's no thought to the future whatsoever. I just don't want to be here, anymore, so I leave). But it finally occurred to me that 6 weeks? Isn't forever. It's a vacation.

So instead of nuking my life, or walking away from my life, I can take an extended vacation instead. After a few times doing that? Leaving AND returning / having a place to return back to? I started taking shorter vacations. In advance of "I'm done. Time to go." A week here, a week there, and shockingly? The Go! Go now! impulse went away entirely. (As did the "I don't wanna go back!") Start nixing those weeks off? Voila merde. The impulse to just walk away and leave everything in my wake came right back.

I need breaks from my life. Not want, but need. Okay. I can work with that.

 

[Freida]

Done that.

Fixed it? maybe. My go tos:
A week off at least every 6 months, a month long vacation out of the country at least every couple years, a job with a ton of variety, learn a foreign language as a back up plan (and to keep my sense of adventure in tact) a new house across town instead of in another state (once made hubby sell house and move 6..count them 6 blocks!). Finally figured out that I can control my need for change and still stay fairly stable.

 

[bento]

Helps to have a change of scenery, but changing living situations all the time can get
hella $$ I like traveling and I'm in a good place to do that cheaply. I like living as
minimally as possible so I can have those extra funds to travel.

But yeah, I'm always thinking about a plan b. I feel like whenever I'm walking in the
door I'm already eyeing a possible exit.

 

[Freida]

changing living situations all the time can get
hella $$

Yea - I had to finally agree to save money for vacationing instead of moving....:)

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Hi I am avoiding my life... I haven't returned home to my flat.... After my anniversary.... Why...... To m...

Familiar. I did that at some point this year when it was just too hard. I kept telling myself that I'm trying, but honestly I barely had the energy to just be. I'm still fighting that need daily.

Honestly if I had the money to just go on vacation right now, or go somewhere I've never ever been and just rest for a week without being behind of bills or tasks or anything, I would have done it, I think. There are months when fighting this feeling is really hard. You have to try eventually, but I've seen for myself that you can't force that out of someone. You yourself have to just get through whatever it is, and eventually push yourself out of it.

I don't know what the answer is, but I just wanted to say I've been there. Though I have noticed, that when I'm better mentally, a lot less outside factors(like noise) bother me that much. Like when I'm really bad, getting in a crowded bus makes me sweat and panic and feel so vulnerable, like everything is loud and intrusive and I'll shatter if anyone touches me. On the other hand, after months of regular journaling, daily baths, yoga, therapy and meditation(when I was taking some time to really really do all that regularly, daily, all of these things) I started improving. And even on a bad day, being on the bus would make me feel only somewhat uncomfortable rather than the usual panic. (Ha- I just think I answered something for myself in there too). Anyway, it will be okay, I promise. You can get through this, just be patient. It's not forever.