Avoiding my psychiatrist because seeing him isn't helping

[Owlfox]

A few years ago, my psychiatrist went out of town and said I could continue to message him. I was deeply suicidal and just writing that to my psych was helping me, but I guess he didn't tell anyone about this so they all reacted really badly and threatened to send the police to my house because I had my phone on silent so I could sleep without being woken up, so they couldn't get ahold of me.

One of my biggest PTSD triggers is having to talk to cops. Ever since this happened, I haven't been able to trust my doctor's office and don't feel safe telling them how I'm feeling now. I haven't been able to trust my psychiatrist, and I'm not getting what I need out of seeing him. I'll ask to see a neurologist and he'll tell me I need to tell my normal doctor I need to see one, but then nothing happens when I do that. My Doctor's office is at the same building my psychiatrist is at.

I've been avoiding appointments with them. A month ago, I needed to talk to someone and my psychiatrist was out of town. I called them and let them know. They said I could come down for an acute care visit with a psych provider. When I went down there for that, the people at the front desk argued with me that they don't do it, and it's against policy. I asked 4 times in a row for them to find out who I spoke to. I filed a complaint about this, because they were being very rude.

Because the people at the front desk are so rude and mean, I've just been avoiding the appointments. Today I have an appointment that I don't want to go to, but when I called to reschedule they said that the next appointment wasn't until March.

I'm not getting what I need out of this, but I'm trying to get disability so I need to go to appointments. But the amount of people I need to talk to in order to get help is making me avoid everything. I'm going to file another complaint today, just because they've been bullying me at the front desk since they tried to send the cops to my house.

I just don't feel like I can trust these people to do their jobs, and I feel like they're going to make sure I don't get treated well so I stop being a patient there. I don't know what to do, but I can't trust doctors so I hate having to see them. He told me recently that "At their best, medications can reduce symptoms 30-50%." after struggling with medicine not helping for 3 years. I feel like that would have been something to tell me the 5th time I had to stop taking medicine because side effects, but nope. Not until just recently.

 

[Friday]

but I can't trust doctors so I hate having to see them.

Is there any other group of people you trust blindly?

Engineers? Black people? Women? Firefighters?

MOST of us have some kind of blind spot around “someone” that we just liberally paint a brush to “everyone” in that category.

Yep. It’s silly / bordering on totally insane.

As is the opposite; NOT trusting “anyone” in ABC / XYZ grouping.

PTSD is notorious for that kind of black & white / all or nothing cognitive distortion. Where we keep things “simple” by just lumping everyone/always/no-one/never into one teeeeeny tiny little box.

 

[arfie]

I just don't feel like I can trust these people to do their jobs,

after decades of recovery, trust of anything whatsoever is still harder than hard. people who hide their humanity behind titles and degrees are especially hard to trust. what's behind **your** mask?

trust still comes hard for me, but i have grown enough trust to trust that healing is an act of faith. i cannot heal any further than i can trust. trust doesn't require keeping my mind so open that my brain falls out. only that doing something toward healing hopes is better than keeping on with the business as usual which hasn't worked so far.

 

[No More]

Can you put yourself in the shoes of the reception staff for a minute? Because from their end, a suicidal patient has reached out, they’ve not been able to get hold of you & they’ve been required to call in a wellness check on you. They were probably absolutely terrified. All they did in this situation, is their job. Even if you hated them for it afterwards, that’s what they had to do - I don’t see how on any part this is them reacting badly?

Do you have a separate therapist you can talk all this over with? Because if you need the appointments and this psychiatrist isn’t suiting you anymore, could you look to maybe try somewhere else with a clean sheet and no interpersonal history? If this psych is still your best option, then id really recommend keeping your appointment, and getting done what you need to get done. Keep your interactions minimal with the front desk, book your appointments & then deal with your psychiatrist?

 

[Owlfox]

Can you put yourself in the shoes of the reception staff for a minute? Because from their end, a suicidal patient has reached out, they’ve not been able to get hold of you & they’ve been required to call in a wellness check on you. They were probably absolutely terrified. All they did in this situation, is their job. Even if you hated them for it afterwards, that’s what they had to do - I don’t see how on any part this is them reacting badly?

Do you have a separate therapist you can talk all this over with? Because if you need the appointments and this psychiatrist isn’t suiting you anymore, could you look to maybe try somewhere else with a clean sheet and no interpersonal history? If this psych is still your best option, then id really recommend keeping your appointment, and getting done what you need to get done. Keep your interactions minimal with the front desk, book your appointments & then deal with your psychiatrist?

First of all, why couldn't they put themselves in *my* shoes? Why couldn't they read my file and see that calling the cops wouldn't be a good idea? You say they care, but I'm calling BS. The only thing they cared about in that exact moment was getting fired if I died, they didn't care if I was actually going to die.

I refuse to feel empathy towards anyone that is trained to call the police for a mental health crises. I don't give a damn what their policies are, you don't take someone whose biggest PTSD trigger is the police and go "we're going to send the police to your house because we're stupid and can't do our jobs without doing that." I will never trust anyone with how I am feeling now.

I refuse to see anyone in the mental health field, it has never benefited me before and it never will. I will never trust a doctor in my life.

 

[Owlfox]

Is there any other group of people you trust blindly?

Engineers? Black people? Women? Firefighters?

MOST of us have some kind of blind spot around “someone” that we just liberally paint a brush to “everyone” in that category.

Yep. It’s silly / bordering on totally insane.

As is the opposite; NOT trusting “anyone” in ABC / XYZ grouping.

PTSD is notorious for that kind of black & white / all or nothing cognitive distortion. Where we keep things “simple” by just lumping everyone/always/no-one/never into one teeeeeny tiny little box.

If someone's afraid of dogs because of trauma, people are like "oh no that tracks" but if someone feels that way against humans, they're totally insane? Okay. Great to know that mods feel this way about people here.

 

[Nessa7]

Your disability application can be rejected for not following through on your appointments. You could use the time while you wait for your appointment in March to see how long it will take for you to be able to get in to see another psych. You can also try to become less reliant on your psychiatrist's office in times of crisis. Are you seeing a therapist? In my experience, they are better equipped to deal with patients in crisis than a psychiatrist.

Your general practitioner probably does have to be the one to give you a referral to a neurologist.

 

[Owlfox]

Your disability application can be rejected for not following through on your appointments. You could use the time while you wait for your appointment in March to see how long it will take for you to be able to get in to see another psych. You can also try to become less reliant on your psychiatrist's office in times of crisis. Are you seeing a therapist? In my experience, they are better equipped to deal with patients in crisis than a psychiatrist.

Your general practitioner probably does have to be the one to give you a referral to a neurologist.

Thanks for the advice but I am not willing to switch to another practitioner. It's going to be worse if I go anywhere else. I don't believe in therapy after having 9 bad therapists in a row. In my experience, it's best never to tell the truth about how I'm feeling. Otherwise I get punished for it.

 

[No More]

First of all, why couldn't they put themselves in *my* shoes? Why couldn't they read my file and see that calling the cops wouldn't be a good idea? You say they care, but I'm calling BS. The only thing they cared about in that exact moment was getting fired if I died, they didn't care if I was actually going to die.

I refuse to feel empathy towards anyone that is trained to call the police for a mental health crises. I don't give a damn what their policies are, you don't take someone whose biggest PTSD trigger is the police and go "we're going to send the police to your house because we're stupid and can't do our jobs without doing that." I will never trust anyone with how I am feeling now.

I refuse to see anyone in the mental health field, it has never benefited me before and it never will. I will never trust a doctor in my life.

They tried to contact you and couldn’t.

One of my biggest triggers is being locked in somewhere, and hospitals. But you can bet your ass my therapist is going to have me sectioned if she genuinely believes my life is at risk. 1, she cares, 2, she can’t help someone whose dead, 3, she is literally mandated by her job to do just that, and will find herself being hauled over the coals if she doesn’t. Of course the receptionist cared that they had a patient who was suicidal.

I was just pointing out that while you don’t trust them to do their jobs, they were between a rock and a hard place and ultimately they did their job. It wasn’t personal against you.

If you go into therapy/mental health help with a closed mind, I think it probably is unlikely to really help you. It wasn’t until I became open to the idea, and very slowly someone earnt my trust & respect that I was able to share bit by bit and start to heal. I had a lot of really terrible therapists. It took a lot of time and effort to find mine and she was really been worth every bit of the effort. It sounds like it could be really beneficial to you too, if you are able to put yourself out there a little

 

[Sideways]

I refuse to feel empathy towards anyone that is trained to call the police for a mental health crises.

As someone who’s had welfare checks, I get how distressing they are, even without having police as one of my triggers. There’s almost no one I can think of who wouldn’t find it distressing.

A couple of my own thoughts about it:
They actually don’t care if it’s distressing for us by they point. They are, in a literal way, making sure we’re still alive. There comes a point in managing suicidal behaviour where our distress no longer matters. It’s simply about preserving life.

The important take away is you are the one in control. It does feel like it, but you are. Your behaviour (just like my own), is the one that necessitated that response, in circumstances where in order to preserve life, with the resources that were available, that was the only option they have.

They don’t stop and read therapy notes at that point. They just act.

Certain for me, the question became, “okay, what did I communicate that gave rise to that? Is it what I really meant?”

If I wasn’t really suicidal, then I need to not communicate to others in a way that will be perceived as suicidal. If I am, then I need to accept that’s the response I will get. And if I want a different response, then I need to ask for help in a different way. For example, taking myself to the nearest ED.

I’m actually the one in control, and the way I manage my suicidal symptoms will either end in me getting help on my terms, or getting that same awful welfare check. That’s something I can rely on, every time.

if someone feels that way against humans, they're totally insane? Okay. Great to know that mods feel this way about people here.

Tbh, knowing @Friday , I’m pretty sure that wasn’t what they were saying. I’m sorry that’s what you heard. I think the point of that post was more about the massive issue of black and white thinking that can be so devastating and pervasive for us ptsd’ers.

 

[Owlfox]

They tried to contact you and couldn’t.

One of my biggest triggers is being locked in somewhere, and hospitals. But you can bet your ass my therapist is going to have me sectioned if she genuinely believes my life is at risk. 1, she cares, 2, she can’t help someone whose dead, 3, she is literally mandated by her job to do just that, and will find herself being hauled over the coals if she doesn’t. Of course the receptionist cared that they had a patient who was suicidal.

I was just pointing out that while you don’t trust them to do their jobs, they were between a rock and a hard place and ultimately they did their job. It wasn’t personal against you.

If you go into therapy/mental health help with a closed mind, I think it probably is unlikely to really help you. It wasn’t until I became open to the idea, and very slowly someone earnt my trust & respect that I was able to share bit by bit and start to heal. I had a lot of really terrible therapists. It took a lot of time and effort to find mine and she was really been worth every bit of the effort. It sounds like it could be really beneficial to you too, if you are able to put yourself out there a little

I've not answered their calls many times before this, it's not illegal to not answer my phone. The fact that they don't care if they're traumatizing me as long as I'm alive is the very reason I can't trust them to do their jobs.

I've put in the maximum amount of effort that I can expend towards being punished for feeling certain ways while trying to seek help. I am not in control, at any point in time someone that doesn't know me in any capacity can ruin my life and get me hospitalized. I would rather not exist than live through more things that traumatize me further. Maybe therapy doesn't work for some people, and it doesn't help to tell them to just try harder.

 

[Sideways]

I've not answered their calls many times before this, it's not illegal to not answer my phone.

Being in a shitload of distress, you’re still responsible for your own actions.

They were doing their job. That’s how suicidality is dealt with when you manage your symptoms that way.

There are other options. You’re the one responsible for managing that.