Bad Moment

[UnKnown-Self]

I just had to step out of work for a few minutes. Felt the tears coming on so I took a 5 mil Valium and stepped out while waiting for it to take affect.
I'm not sleeping well and that makes my concentration, patience lessen and my anxiety increase
I had to send both my manager and area manager I work for an email saying I stepped out in case they needed me for something. Plus I work in Manhattan and ever since 9/11 you should let them know you stepped out for emergency reasons
I'm so tired of giving my power away and then dealing with the havoc it causes in my life.
Plus I don't articulate my needs well and I hold it in repeatedly until I say something aggressive totally unrelated to why I am upset.
Plus I went into H email and Facebook on his iPad because I want to reset it and ... I don't know just being nosy and some of the things I saw upset me and then the connections start and the racing thoughts and down the rabbit hole I go seeing every instance where I allowed myself to be treated like a non person ... Just a thing to be momentarily tolerated regardless of the politeness
Too many actions or non actions show me how little I am regarded and I know it's because of my own lack of regard around and around it goes

Time to head back

 

[Mytime]

Sorry your having a bad day :hug: . I think it's funny, I read your post today. I have been feeling the same way over the weekend. Then I had the "Aha moment.

The anxiety, thoughts going around and around in my head. It's the battle of the inner self needing to be heard, validated, respected. It's the ego of strength, jumping up-and-down saying listen to me. But fear and self-worth are trying to hold it down.

So I'm going to ask you, please take my hand and stand tall with me?
Let your strength reach out and grab self-worth . Push the fear away, it is no longer strong.

You are a beautiful strong woman. You deserve respect, self-worth, validation. Your kind and giving and lovable.

Be seen, be heard, be loved by your inner self.
We see you, we hear you. You are loved.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Thank you @Mytime :hug:

The time will come when I stand tall and when I do trust me you and everyone else here will know.
I have to earn that self worth though and that means going in and unburdening all my children from the load they have been carrying far too long. They saved me when I needed saving and now that I am grown and aware I have to save them. First I have to do enough work so they'll trust me and feel loved and protected by me, I believe that's when they'll know it's finally safe to share the secrets so we can let them go and free all that energy for enjoying life on our terms.

 

[tasha07]

@Alice.in.Wonderland I am sorry to hear your struggling so much. It sounds like people are not treating you well "giving your power away" and this causes havoc in your life. I am probably not the best person to give advice, because chaos and havoc is dominating my mind then my life right now. @Mytime said it lovely, "you deserve respect, self-worth, validation... and you are loveable" You don't need to earn self worth, you can simply give it to yourself, say that you are worthy, you are worthy of many things in life and are worthy of self love. We do need to earn trust, sometimes, we break others trust in us, which is what it sounds like you are working on with your children. I really hope you are able to do this repair and it all goes well. Please let us know.

I read this saying yesterday from a GROW book, it might help, I have been using to help teach myself better habits and to choose my behaviours instead of just going to planet pluto I call it.

"Sow a thought and reap an act.
Sow an act and reap a habit.
Sow a habit and reap a character.
Sow a character and reap a destiny."