Becoming addicted to sexting again....

[Deleted member 42783]

Been there. . . trying not to do that.
We are soul sisters

 

[Deleted member 42783]

I just asked a guy to tell me how he would like to hurt me during sex...I just don't know what else...I just hate myself at this point

I have done this very thing
I am so ashamed of myself over the past year.

 

[Deleted member 42783]

Self punishment???? I did this too. Not the sexting part, we didn't have that. Yes, I'm old!!!! But I was promiscuous and didn't care. I actually used to say that if others were abusing me, then I would. Sick, but true. It also has a lot to do with low self esteem. CBT therapy may help you with that....

Can you give me an idea of what CBT for self esteem looks like? My T has mentioned it to me a few times but the thought of working on my self esteem is just yucky to me for some reason. Did you find it helpful?

 

[Justmehere]

@Lionheart777also a form of avoidance keeps my mind focused on something else...

Do you know what you are avoiding?

It seems part avoidance... could part of it be trying to rennact trauma, but this time with some control over it?

 

[WishfulThinking123]

I have huge control issues in regards to sex from the very beginning due to my past trauma so I do think you are right Justmehere...I seek out harmful/unhealthy things in this area but due to me doing the initiating/seeking out it makes me feel in control of something I feel is probably going to happen anyways. I am just so set on ENSURING I never feel vulnerable/taken advantage of without me initiating because that is just so damaging/hurtful....I really overcompensate I know I do but, ive been acting this way for the majority of my adult sexual life since I was 18 and I just don't know how to regain healthy control...

 

[Justmehere]

I have gotten caught up in compulsive trauma rennactsments too - in a different way, but I can relate. The long term solution is often to work through the original trauma itself...

But for the short run, I think to do a lot of what's called "urge" surfing. Well known CBT technique for compulsive behaviors that shows up in other therapies too. One description is here: Practice Wisdom: Urge Surfing

Battling any compulsive behavior is hard. My heart goes out to you. :hug:

 

[WishfulThinking123]

I just read the article, thank you for the advice! Thank you also for your compassion @Justmehere!

 

[Xyz12345679$]

Wow.... I really did just realize why I do things that I do or did. I actually have to block so many numbers because of that same.... I never thought of it as self harm ya know

 

[WishfulThinking123]

Well I don't think it always is self harm....It just all depends on your motives/why you are doing it and how it makes you feel afterwards. For me it definitely is self harm/self sabotage.