Relationship I have made my sufferer worse - sexting another man

[TTC18]

Be the best you - that you can be whether he likes it or not! Do it for yourself... this is important.

THIS

 

[Sunshine71]

@Sunshine71 :hug:

I'm going to respond to some of the things you said because I put my dreams on hold for a man once and it wasn't worth it... so here goes..


^^Take one step at a time and work out what you want and start moving towards those goals. It doesn't have to be drastic but do the research, study etc., just keep moving forwards. A man at home, loving or not - should really be irrelevant to you reaching the goals you have always wanted to reach.



^^This is great news. But drop the guilty bit and go as often as you can. You are under a lot of emotional stress right now and have been for a fair while. Exercise is good for you mentally and physically. If your son doesn't want to go - that's fine - use his membership and go pump some iron! And see how much your body loves it! Plus you will sleep better too!

You should not have to justify looking after your health and fitness - so don't justify just go... come back all sweaty and exhausted and don't care... lol... It's good for you to be fit and fantastic.. :)



^^So he's cold or he's hot - you are still entitled to be you and go for the things that are important to you. Think of it this way - would you step in the way of his dreams? I hope not! He is going to be whatever he thinks or feels is appropriate for him. You cannot change him. You can change you! Get on and do that. You never know he might just get a little bit more interested in you because you start looking after yourself and become that person you want to be and like. Amazing things like that do happen.



^^This probably has to do with what you did and you are still feeling guilty over it all? Tell me to shut up if I am wrong... but how long are you supposed to pay for this act of treason :wtf: - It wasn't murder - you are not going to pay for this for the rest of your life are you? I hope not. Take back some control girl...and be good to yourself because he's not being good to you or for you..

I presume you have said you are sorry a thousand times and he has suffered immensely too. When are you both going to face up to living with each other because you want to and moving forward as a couple?

Otherwise, what is the point?

Time to move this ship forward or torpedo it... why live in misery?

But, if you think it (the relationship) can be saved - do stuff to improve yourself - dream those dreams... and go after them.

Be the best you - that you can be whether he likes it or not! Do it for yourself... this is important.

I bet he does like it! (even secretly) lol... And if he doesn't that really is food for thought isn't it?

You only get one life and putting it on hold while you sit in purgatory doesn't seem to be a good way of living it - to me. :sorry: :hug::)

WOW WOW WOW

I am blown away by your incredible feedback blackemerald1 - how utterly amazing of you to take the time to write this....
THANK YOU .... this means more than you will know..... I am taking all of this on board.... thank you - and I really hope it may help others too..... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[wishball]

Dear like minded friends

I am back on the forum and thought I would post an update following my message a year ago.

So the past year has been a nightmare and I can't see that it will change .... because I got some attention from someone with some text messages and that led to "sexting" something I never thought I would do... I am gutted and so sorry for hurting my hubbie.... something I would NEVER want to do.....

With really no affection for years and feeling quite ugly getting this attention was a distraction from PTSD, paying the bills, worrying about my work - not to mention dealing with my sons Type 1 diabetes.... :(:(

Hubby quite rightly says that he doesn't choose what happens with him re PTSD - when he is so cold and angry - but I chose to message this guy.This has destroyed him and he keeps telling me made his PTSD much worse when he felt things were getting a bit better.

Hubby spent 6 months staying round a friends house... he slept better but of course it isn't his home. His friend has been amazing.

He is "trying" to come back but sleeps on my sons mattress on the floor - he is not able to sleep in the bed with me.... over a year later.

I am just beside myself and trying to get on... but I cant today... I am just gutted and tired from a big argument where he is saying its my fault we are like this.

I hoped that this would be a wake up call and we could work on a marriage but instead a year later he is devastated, angry and can not forget it happened. I have never even kissed another man, been out with another man or anything in nearly 30 years since meeting my hubbie - and even then really only had 1 boyfriend ... but yes I messed up and I couldn't be more sorry - I have tried to focus on rebuilding us - but he has different ideas....
Its so hard.

Not sure if anyone has any advice or experienced anything similar .... I am just exhausted and of course my hubby is too :(

With thanks Sunshine

I don't think I have the right words, but I wanted to reach out and say I feel for you. I can understand your husband feeling betrayed but that is quite a long time to keep the anger going. I'm not trying to minimize that sexting with someone else in my opinion wasn't right, but that said you have, I'm sure, put up with many things regardless if it was PTSD or not.

 

[Libby]

@blackemerald1 I am equally as grateful for your response as @Sunshine71 . I am going thru something similar with my sufferer, although we have only known each other for a short time and my transgressions were from before we were together. I had told him very early on that I had felt a sense of loyalty to him, but still texted another man seeking sex. I did not go through with it, knowing I wanted to pursue my sufferer, but he was still devastated when he did some snooping and realized what I'd done early on.

I am appreciating your post so much, because it is actually confirming something that my sufferer has told me (in his own way) that will help him and us heal. I say in his own way because he gives me loving advice in the most angry and aggressive ways, something that this site has helped me realize is not necessarily anger. He tells me what he thinks I should do for myself that is good for me, that will help me heal, too (given what I did, he has taken me to very dark places in my head. I am broken. I took his aggression to heart and have sunk to a self-harming place). I'd like to think it makes sense that doing what is best for YOU will make you realize that you don't have to live in a state of mind where your guilt is master of your life. For now, I live every day, make every decision, and carefully chose every word based on if it will upset my sufferer or hoping they will make him love me again. I look forward to keeping an eye on your progress, keep giving yourself love and attention, both for you and your sufferer.