peachykehn
New Here
Hi all.
I so cannot tell you how much I love this forum and hate this forum...lol. Mostly because (1) it makes me KNOW I am at least, not crazy and (2) because I know I have to let go and not take things personally....
At least it is straight-forward and honest.
I joined this forum in July of 2009 and life took a turn or several, more like a merry-go-round, and I have been gone for a bit.
In mid-July I went on a business trip and on my way back, had an anxiety attack on an airplane. Stress+rollarcoaster+land of indecision=anxiety attack for me I guess. After trying to board 3 more flights, I rented a car and drove home from Dallas, TX to Las Vegas, NV. 2000 miles, 2 days, lots of time to think and reflect.
I realized I was at wit's end with my sufferer who was my husband. My 16 year old daughter had chosen to go and live with her father in Californai and my 13 year old didn't want to come home from summer vacation with her dad either....the environment was just not something they wanted to live in.
My Sufferer and I had become like ships that pass in the night, I walked on egg shells, and he did what was the minimum to survive and we both hoped for no triggers...an impossible situation.
August I went to my daughter's baby shower in California (all three of my daughters were then together) and to try to figure out what to do yet again, what direction to take, how to handle when my husband just would not go to therapy or seek out any tools to help deal with PTSD.
I decided after my episode of anxiety and stress that we were again at a place where we needed to separate, so that Dave could work on getting some things settled and I could also learn to be stronger and my own tools to deal with the anger and feelings of betrayal since none of this surfaced until 2 days into our marriage.
My husband decided that if we were to be separated, then it was to be a divorce........
Long story short, after discussion, we filed on Aug 31st and it was final 2 days later (gotta luv Vegas) and he helped relocate me to California with my daughters. They...are...so happy... to be in the same town with family again, to be close to their dad again, etc.
I am furious, upset, sad, in shock and in reality, beginning to walk out what I guess in the back of my mind and heart, I always knew would happen.
Dave chose divorce because it was easier (his words) to end the conflict than to stay married.
We are best friends. It is very amicable, except for the fact that I feel that I have been abandoned and that the cloud of PTSD WINS the battle.
Everytime I talk to Dave all he can say is how much better he FEELS because there is no conflict. Since my walking into the room made him trigger, I can only imagine.
Then, he told me he went to Walmart, a woman was yelling at her kids...triggered an episode, he had to leave the store.
So, he says "I realize it wasn't you, it was just a woman's voice."
Great, I think....I am super glad you figured that one out I think....hooray for you! Sheesh....
Anyone out there relate at all?
I feel like I started a great life ,fell asleep and woke up in a nightmare.
:thumbs-up
I so cannot tell you how much I love this forum and hate this forum...lol. Mostly because (1) it makes me KNOW I am at least, not crazy and (2) because I know I have to let go and not take things personally....
At least it is straight-forward and honest.
I joined this forum in July of 2009 and life took a turn or several, more like a merry-go-round, and I have been gone for a bit.
In mid-July I went on a business trip and on my way back, had an anxiety attack on an airplane. Stress+rollarcoaster+land of indecision=anxiety attack for me I guess. After trying to board 3 more flights, I rented a car and drove home from Dallas, TX to Las Vegas, NV. 2000 miles, 2 days, lots of time to think and reflect.
I realized I was at wit's end with my sufferer who was my husband. My 16 year old daughter had chosen to go and live with her father in Californai and my 13 year old didn't want to come home from summer vacation with her dad either....the environment was just not something they wanted to live in.
My Sufferer and I had become like ships that pass in the night, I walked on egg shells, and he did what was the minimum to survive and we both hoped for no triggers...an impossible situation.
August I went to my daughter's baby shower in California (all three of my daughters were then together) and to try to figure out what to do yet again, what direction to take, how to handle when my husband just would not go to therapy or seek out any tools to help deal with PTSD.
I decided after my episode of anxiety and stress that we were again at a place where we needed to separate, so that Dave could work on getting some things settled and I could also learn to be stronger and my own tools to deal with the anger and feelings of betrayal since none of this surfaced until 2 days into our marriage.
My husband decided that if we were to be separated, then it was to be a divorce........
Long story short, after discussion, we filed on Aug 31st and it was final 2 days later (gotta luv Vegas) and he helped relocate me to California with my daughters. They...are...so happy... to be in the same town with family again, to be close to their dad again, etc.
I am furious, upset, sad, in shock and in reality, beginning to walk out what I guess in the back of my mind and heart, I always knew would happen.
Dave chose divorce because it was easier (his words) to end the conflict than to stay married.
We are best friends. It is very amicable, except for the fact that I feel that I have been abandoned and that the cloud of PTSD WINS the battle.
Everytime I talk to Dave all he can say is how much better he FEELS because there is no conflict. Since my walking into the room made him trigger, I can only imagine.
Then, he told me he went to Walmart, a woman was yelling at her kids...triggered an episode, he had to leave the store.
So, he says "I realize it wasn't you, it was just a woman's voice."
Great, I think....I am super glad you figured that one out I think....hooray for you! Sheesh....
Anyone out there relate at all?
I feel like I started a great life ,fell asleep and woke up in a nightmare.
:thumbs-up
