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Been Lurking, Ex Brit Mil, Ex Bosnia

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Hope I didn't come across as a dick to what you are.
Dont know what you mean mate, were all in the same boat at different stages trying to help each other out as we go......;)



Note's to one-self:
  1. Im shit at spelling now, brain see's one thing, fingers type another. Use Ms Word
  2. And on the wind thing why the f*** i put a cat in i dont know, work that one out!
 
Cats are fine mate, had 2, but i aint got a clue why i put cat in, if i was on my " good night tablets " it would make sense !
Didnt know you like cats ? :rolleyes:
 
OK mate. In a way that lets you get your head ready a bit more, and he's going to be all apologetic. Wait and see. Thanks for the update, I'd like to know how it goes.

I went today, and to cut to the chase; bottled it. Started to just creep round the issue and flight/fight and just flew. Not literally, finished the session but backed right off (him and me). Ever seen a grown man cry. Gutted because it does feel like I'm failing here and I can't put finger on how/why. Have been building up to the moment for past fortnight in walkthroughs to self (which not sure is healthy in itself?? It's been a tough two weeks on that front; nightmares and insomnia, as bad as it's even been on that score to be honest).

Easy to search for blame/reason; him (therapist), me, it's too soon, it's too much, it's all happened too quick blah blah blah. Not so easy to come up with an answer; maybe there isn't one, I don't know. Only 3 or 4 sessions left really before the NHS suits pull the funding I guess, but that would make it 16 starting over xmas/new year so can hardly complain they've not given me every chance to get a grip of it, but maybe after 16/17 years of my own STFU I was being wildly naive/optimistic to think first time around the fences would win the race just like that.

We live to fight another day, and maybe next week we can go again, and maybe it might get a little easier each time. I don't know that either, but I am a stubborn fighter and am desperate which has to help. It's just a bit alien to me, or make that alot alien to just open pandora's box. And there's always 'Combat Stress' on offer if this blows through I guess.

That said, the CBT in itself I do 'get'. Find it does challenge the way you think etc, and gives some pretty hoofing head exercises to smash through some of the gunge in the nut. But maybe that's treating the symptons, not the cause, I don't know that either. I don't know much at the moment.
 
Sometimes it's just the way it is, if that makes sense. Stop trying to analyse what you should and should not be doing and leave that up to the psych's. You either get along with him and trust him or you don't. If you don't find a new one. It's simple really.

If you go around trying to find a reason for everything, you are only going to do your head in. Sometimes your pent up 17 years of STFU are just going to come out and nothing is going to stop them. It will be like a radiator bubbling over and you are going to be a mess. But that is all good. Because once you hit rock bottom, it's solid ground, and you can start clawing your way back up.

Take a couple of can's of harden up too mate. lol.
 
:) Yeah I hear you Jimmy. I do think too much, like stupidly so. It's ok to question things I guess but I just go way OTT.

And a crate of cans of just grip it/harden up/take plunge might be best med advice I've had yet.
 
ya I used to rationalize a lot.. "I do this because of..." "I hate my dad because he...." I flipped out because..."

It is what it is... Jimmy has it right on... try to accept it and try to move on to the next problem, and no its not always that easy... had a little moment last night myself... putting that behind me, but it happened because of my mental state and where my mind suddenly veered off to...

I've been doing this game for abt 22yrs... at first is was my fault, then the boozes fault, then the miltary's fault... it is what it is... only I can do what I need to make it better.. I have my good days which tend to come more frequently on late.. and omg I have a helluva lot of bad days... but I try to keep on.. and realize while I don't have this in control I can make it better... little by little one day at a time..

don't blame yourself, the medical people (well move on for sure if the one you have doesn't work... maybe telling the NHS what you got was a crock will help get you another session or two.. maybe not) ya the military is party to blame... but it is what it is... something in us broke and can never fully fully be fixed... time to put some duct tape on, admit there is a malfunction and keep the old motor going as long as you can.. meanwhile try to get some instructions on how to keep it better tuned..

Good luck to you...

And feel free to vent... god knows I do and I really went to the left last night..
 
Yeah, thanks tho9900. All good sense. I need to just let it go; do not think too much.
 
I went today, and to cut to the chase; bottled it. Started to just creep round the issue and flight/fight and just flew. Not literally, finished the session but backed right off (him and me). Ever seen a grown man cry.................

Once a week session over 2 and a half years is what I have behind me. And I used to go in and talk about the weather, the new door mat on many occasions. But there would still be the important stuff inbetween. You need to stop trying to make it happen and just go with the flow Jibby mucker. You can`t force it.


............It's just a bit alien to me, or make that alot alien to just open pandora's box................

Pandora`s box was full of shit, we all know that, but don`t forget that the last thing to come out of it was Hope. Ours is no different. You need to open it up and let the shit out, to have a hope of getting better. Not easy, to many of us on here will tell you that, but it is possible, and does get better


..........................there's always 'Combat Stress' on offer if this blows through I guess..........................

Maybe thats one of the problems Jibby. You have a back door built into your therapy. So what happens when you go to Combat Stress and it doesn`t work out? Sure there will be something else. There allways is. But allways having a reserve chute is not allways a good idea. You need to jump in with both feet at the deepend here mate. Sink or swim. Either it works and helps or it doesn`t and you hit the bottom, and that is the time to then move on to the next. You need to see each thing through to the end. And not do things halfheartadly because you have something else in reserve.

.................................That said, the CBT in itself I do 'get'. Find it does challenge the way you think etc, and gives some pretty hoofing head exercises to smash through some of the gunge in the nut. But maybe that's treating the symptons, not the cause, I don't know that either. I don't know much at the moment.

You know more than you think mate. Yes it does only cover symptoms it is there to help you get your shit together when your worlds implodes. The cause is covered by the therapies. You can`t have one without the other.

Well you can, but it doesn`t get you anywhere.;)

The fact you see you have a problem and are willing to do soemthing about it is good. But it all takes time son. There is no quick fix. I know the NHS only have a few sessions for you, out here in Germany it is the same, but exstension can be granted out here. When I started it was 12 sessions, shit bust the insurance told me. And then the therapist put in for more. 2 and a half years later, we have stopped so I can get my head around the stuff we covered and have a break. Which means the door has been left open for the future if I need it.

No Government Dept, wants to spend more than they need to. Thats why the info is allways very strict in the amount of anything you get. But what happens in the real world is a totaly different kettle of fish. Take your sessions for what they are, and see where it goes. A Good shrink should be able to squeeze more out of the system, in any country!
 
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