Relationship Been Pushed Away.

[forgotten shadow]

I'm going to apologise right now if it seems jumbled or horribly confused as its not that soon after it happened.

I will start with a bit of background. Started going out two years ago and everything was perfect as far as the relationship went but it was under a little strain with her under exam press and with some of the issues that she had now. However there was no hint of PTSD or that there were any memories that were repressed e.t.c. It started coming out in November as I direct result of her mums psychological evaluation (not that I knew about that) and so she pushed me away before I knew what wad going on.

Fast forward 2 months and we start chatting and decide to get back together, at which point she started telling me how much worse it was than what we'd both first thought. She hasn't told me everything but she knew that she could do whenever she felt comfortable too.

Recently she's become a lit worse, being completely distant and triggered daily but she still opened up (usually) and whenever she said she needed a bit of space for the night i didn't think twice. However over the past could of weeks she's had a few suicidal thoughts so I encouraged her to speak to her T which she did but she's also expanded her support network by getting a CPN and rather more recently, her nan. I thought this was good but then she started to withdraw from me, being silent and passing of my concerns with "I'm fine" which we both know is code for im not but i don't want to worry you.

So now we met up after she had the previous night to herself, which she wanted, and was virtually silent all night despite it being her that asked whether i wanted to meet up with her. Anyway by the time I had to go she told me that she needed some time to herself, basically using a carbon copy of what she said when she dumped me the first time. She's said that it isn't permanent and part of me knows that but she said that last time.

To sum up, should i give her the space she wants and only talk to her when she asks first or should I make some contact of my own? Is it just me being sensitive because of last time? Is it down to something that ive said or done (or not) thats caused this?

FS

 

[ProudWife99]

FS, I think you should respect her wishes. If she doesn't mind you initiating contact and reminding her you are there for her, then do so. However, if she voices that she needs complete space from you, I would respect those wishes as well.

Take care of yourself. I can't really tell from your post whether she is seeking treatment or not or whether she has been diagnosed with PTSD, so I won't offer any advice there. Just look after you. You are important.

 

[JohnJohn]

FS,

I know you are in a tough spot. I am in a similar one with my wife, who left me with our daughter while she empowers and finds herself again. Proudwife is correct in saying you need to take care of yourself. As guys we are compelled by nature to "take charge and fix problems" that hurt loved ones. Unfortunately we can not directly intervene with a sufferer's traumatic situation.

Depending on the specifics of your loved one's situation you can even make things worse, as I did with mine since she has some trauma involving a past husband's domestic and sexual abuse. I could do nothing without her thinking I was going to control and physically hurt her. What we do not understand may just be survival in the minds of our loved ones. (Fight or Flight response)

Empower yourself, understand your limits and the situation. Support your loved one by letting them know you are there when they want it. I know you may not like it any more than I do, but do what you can to not impulsively rush in and muddle things up if that is not the best course or action.

Every trauma and situation is different, so this is just my general opinion. Get perspective and be patient with her. Positive support does wonders for those that feel as though they are all alone in the dark. Ensure that she knows that she does not exist in a forgotten shadow by being her becon of light.

 

[Innordinate]

Give her space. Let her come to terms with it on her own before forcing her to involve you in it too. Thats my thinking.

 

[Innordinate]

And .. you sound like you really care. So be available when she needs it because it may not happen that often. It sucks to be a supporter. It's hard. But it's hard to come to terms with our traumas too. Harder to explain them as well, especially when you know someone cares enough that they deserve and expect an explanation too.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Oops, stumbled across this when I shouldn't have :cry:

Sorry Dec, I'm trying to include you, I really am. Just can't get my own head around it, never mind try and explain... Ly :inlove:

:notworthy: