Being Different

[Lucycat]

When I first started seeing my T last year, and was newly diagnosed with CPTSD he asked me if I had always known that I was different. I did. I had never felt part of the crowd at school or at work. I don't think I could specify what the difference is, but I just knew.

Last week, we had been talking about this forum. He sees it as positive that I am on here and shared my enthusiasm to be a moderator. But last week he asked me if I see myself as different to the other forum users. I fumbled to answer and just wittered on about the fact that I read of some people being in therapy for 10 years or more and I don't plan to do that.

But he has got me thinking. As I see it there are 2 distinct types of survivor. Those who had childhood abuse and those who have suffered adult rape. I am in the first group. But am I different to other survivors of childhood abuse? I don't know. Perhaps I don't know anyone here well enough to be able to decide.

Do other users of this forum feel that they are any different to the rest of us? If so why?

 

[Nyx]

I don't feel different, for the first time I feel strangely alike other people. Even though I have my own story, my own experiences, having the same symptoms/thoughts/feelings makes me feel I'm the same. It's strange to be able to relate to so much one person says, when you don't even know that person...

 

[kimba]

This is a tough one for me. I always knew I was different because my life wasn't like those of other kids. As far as people on the forum, we may have different stories but the results are similar and the symptoms/attitudes/relationship issues are as well. So while we are diiferent on the "how we got to where we are" side of things, the needing to deal with it and become the best we can be is the same.

 

[Sqweak]

I have the same outlook as Nyx. For the first time in a really long time I feel the Included. Though no two experiences are ever the same. There are a lot of underlining occurrences that happen that make everyone if speak to relatable, at least to me. :)

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

This is an excellent question, Lucy... For one reason or another I always am different from other people. I'm the one with physical disabilities, the one with a dog, the Deaf one, the gay one, the non-native in any given country, etc... However, here on the forum, because our common tie is having experienced sexual abuse and we have effects from it, I do have to say my overall feeling is similar. Here I'm not even different because I'm Deaf, mostly use sign language, walk funny, have a service dog, sometimes use an electrical wheelchair, etc... Unless I stated this, which I do often enough, I guess, I am just one of the gang...

Lucy, other than your being a moderator, I definitely do not see you as different. I might just pay attention to your posts a bit more to make sure that I'm not breaking any rules. However, the moderator does not make you really different because you still participate in the forum with your own story and your own questions. You just help keep the forum safe and all members following similar rules. If necessary you can switch hats. In a way, we all as citizens of the forum also watch out and can "report" posts.

So, I guess you can interpret this as you wish: You are one of us. We all care about each other and listen to each other. However, on a day you want to stand out you can emphasize the moderator part of you...

In summary, I see you more the same than different... if this helps any...

 

[stormy]

My whole life I have felt different than everyone else. Like nobody could possibly understand me or know what I was going through, however, this place is different. I personally feel very much connected and not so alone. It's amazing when you no longer feel alone. And although it is unfortunate that we need to be here, atleast we have other people who understand and go through similiar things. Its a comfort. In addition some of us may never have told our truths but feel less of a stigma cause its known for the most part why we are here and that too is a comfort and relief, it's not so secret which is why we are all here because we are alike in many ways.

 

[Lionheart]

I guess I feel different because I am one of the people that have been in therapy longer than 10 years, but I don't regret it and I am not ashamed of it. I have needed the support and considering my extensive history of abuse I don't think of it as being that unusual. Otherwise, I feel like I can relate to just about everyone here, whereas I once had 'negative specialness', I now have a positive relatedness and kinship that I feel from being a part of this forum.

 

[cherryblossom]

I would say that we are all different in our own unique way.

I would imagine that if you took a group of people without a history of sexual abuse/assault, many would feel that they were different from others for a huge variety of reasons. But they would also believe they were they were the same as others in certain respects. A lot of people view being 'different' as a negative - why? Surely being different is what makes the world go round and keeps it as an interesting place to be.

We have been brought together on the forum, because we have SA in common, but we are still all very different from each other. We may have similar issues, but no 2 members will ever have exactly the same issues, to the same degree. And we find that what helps one person, may not help another. We will also no doubt find that we can relate to certain members better than other's. But again, that just mirrors life. We relate better to those that have similar values, morals, interests, life experiences etc. But on the other hand, "opposites attract"!! It's all just part of life, and makes things interesting.

We are all different. But whether that's good or bad will depend on your view of different. I personally see different as good. What is 'normal' anyway?

 

[KAT]

I used to feel like I was just playing at being human. That I wasn't real like other people. This forum has helped realized that I'm not alone dealing with such a horrific life or non life. :)

 

[Mercy]

I guess I feel different because I am one of the people that have been in therapy longer than 10 years, but I don't regret it and I am not ashamed of it. I have needed the support and considering my extensive history of abuse I don't think of it as being that unusual. Otherwise, I feel like I can relate to just about everyone here, whereas I once had 'negative specialness', I now have a positive relatedness and kinship that I feel from being a part of this forum.

I feel this way too only it's more like 20 yrs of therapy with a few breaks along the way.:)

I have PTSD and DID. That has made things harder. I think we all understand the abuse we all have suffered. We can help each other and support each other. So many of the symptoms are similar or the same.:wave:I do feel like a belong and am understood, that's a miracle.




I do feel different because of the DID. I am afraid people will treat me differently because of it, nor believe me as if I am writing from a childish imagination.:no:...but I sense it is truth telling. Maybe, that was just another 'shut up' ploy.. :spin:

Most of the DID involves hurt children who had been frozen in time. Keeping my sense of size as adult is strangely affected. If I sit on the floor, I can relate to/shift to 3-4 yr olds.:peekaboo: If I sit on a chair, I can relate /shift to 6,7,8 ys olds.:rolleyes: One night I had a nightmare and went to the kitchen for a comfort snack. I saw what I thought to be a dixie cup of sherbet. I must have been in a child state because in the morning I saw that I had polished off a pint. The size proportions are correct. Dixie cup to 6yr.old = pint to adult. It is hard to loose weight this way.:confused:

 

[KAT]

When I had a panic attack I would react like my inner child.(children by age) and freeze. Once in a while I would make a friend growing up but then dad would rape me and I would become systematic. Of course the other kids didn't understand what was going on and just stayed away from me. Now I talk to my inner child and tell her she doesn't have to be scared, its starting to help. I went to a new yoga class without panicking. I know that my class had all woman in it but before therapy I wouldn't even have walk into the room.:)

 

[Mercy]

That's great, Kat. Congratulations!:dance:

I'm happy for you that new good things are coming into your life and you get to choose them.:bounce: