Believing That I Can Make A Breakthrough

[Seasounds]

After feeling that I finally have my head above water, from my last big trigger-July 31, I am asking myself to 'see what happens' if I approach 'activities of daily living' that can trigger me. This means, approaching moving in my own apartment, and organizing (touching things, making decisions, etc.),things, approaching opening mail, and emails (fear of hidden, random attacks).

What makes this 'go around' any different, than the last time, is that every time a go through a large triggering event, due to my healing intentions, I re-coup some of my lost power. In other words, I come back with more confidence, more hope, and more self-esteem, after the healing. Additionally, I can use the Alexander Technique-a movement technique, that helps me find easeful ways do the activities, instead of repeating the old body patterns, that cause triggers. The re-learning process is on-going; at least, I can see where I stand, (i.e. if I can find more freedom), than before.

 

[BigBear]

That seemed true for Angel as well!

Bear

 

[Seasounds]

And now, I know, (before I would think differently), that of course, by being in the world, I will be triggered again; and at that time, I will have more tools and more health, to deal with the future.

 

[Seasounds]

I realized recently that when I am depressed, that I seem to disassociate differently that when I get triggered and experience severe anxiety.

In depression, as a result of a trigger, I can find my way back 'into my center' (where I can direct myself), if I can motivate myself to get up out of bed, more easily In anxiety, I can't consistently bring myself into my center, because my brain moves me away from relating to reality' until enough time has past from the triggering event, and enough safe experiences have accumulated.

My point is that being able to find my way back into my center, the driver seat-so to speak, is a learning process with each trigger. I wish to stay in my center, be able to inact my intentions, more often, and I also wish to know that is is safe to act from my center, whether I am alone or with a group.

 

[Seasounds]

Depression, hate November and December, wait for the torture end on New Years Day. What a curse, the memories of my childhood family, no adult family of my own, I am unhappy; lay depressed, waiting, waiting, waiting.