Best Friend Ever?

[DharmaGirl]

I know having a friend with PTSD isn't easy, but my best friend has become addicted to prescription drugs. This has been going on for over a year, and she often asks me for some to "tide her over". I told her I would no longer do this and for the past 6 months, she takes all her pills in two weeks and spends the next two withdrawing. I just found out that she tells her familiy the reason she's so "stressed out" every month is because of me and my PTSD. She won't answer my phone calls or texts anymore and I just got out of the hospital. I am devastated since she has just been using me this past year and manipulating me and I am so broken already. It hurts so much even though I was aware on some level. I have other friends but I can't help feeling so much pain after losing this friendship. She didn't even have the balls to let me know she's ditching me. I posted here because I just got out of the hospital for SI, and I'm afraid I'll have to go back in. I texted her daughter who pretended she didn't know who I was. Sucks

 

[Loner]

Unfortunately, thats the way many people are. She may even have lied to her family about you to cover up her own shortcomings and make it seem like she is doing the right mature thing by not having you in her life any more. She is probably pushing you away because it is the easy thing though, easier than being around you if you aren't supportive of her addiction.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Using you as an excuse was just that, an excuse. It is common among addicts to transfer blame and responsibility. I am so sorry this happened, most especially with someone you care about so much. I hope her recovery is not only possible but successful. But you are the main focus here. You did the right thing to refuse to give her meds. You need to worry about you. As much as it hurts to lose a friend, or realize the friendship you thought you had, wasn't- you are your most important priority. Do you have others to support you in this time? It's really important to have people who are stable to depend on when you're dealing with the big problems PTSD brings.

 

[Spiderallis]

Ouch, I'm so sorry you're facing that. It's hard enough reaching out through the pain of this to find a friend, makes it all the more difficult when that 'friend' is just an anchor dragging you down. You're working hard on getting better and that can mean avoiding sick people and situations. She has a disease. Addiction is treatable, but until she wants to be better she'll only get worse. It hurts to say goodbye, but the alternative is far more hurt in small doses if they stay in your life. You're making a very good choice, a difficult one, but it's what's best for you and you're the star of this show.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Thanks, you are all right. I am so glad you are here because I feel so fragile right now. I am working so hard to get better and I don't need someone hurting me right now.

 

[DharmaGirl]

So I tried to talk to her about it and she said her daughter was trying to protect her but she didn't know why, but that she never told her that I made her stressed out. Interestingly, I have the text where she told me she had to get away from me. Anyway, she has her drugs and wants to be friends like nothing ever happened but I am not willing. I am still fragile and hurt but I guess I will get over this too. Thanks for listening.

 

[Spiderallis]

It's okay to be fragile, it's understandable that this hurts. You're doing the right thing in taking care of you, and I'm glad you're sharing it. Thanks for being you Monster1977, you're awesome.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Now I did something really stupid and texted her about it. Maybe its not stupid, maybe I needed to say it. I don't know anymore, I just feel bad.

 

[just me here]

There aren't lot of things in common between my bad experiences with friends and yours. I have never had anyone close go out on the drug limb, but my wife has. I have had people that were poisonous to me and my family and had to react.

Here is what I know to be true that might help: People who are focused on getting their next drug dose are pretty much incapable of focusing on anything else, eventually they start acting like they don't even get "cause and effect' and will let anything that happens tomorrow happen if it means getting the drug of choice today. It is mind boggling but even harder to do anything about than it is to understand.

I have also learned that in order to live with myself I have to draw lines that I will allow no one to cross and that the best plan is to RETREAT when someone crosses them anyway. If I don't make clear statements about what is unacceptable behavior, I pretty much guarantee it will happen. If I do make sure that the person understands the boundary and they cross it I have to retreat. It is almost impossible for me to live with the SELF anger and blame for a repeated action that I allowed to happen. I will go into a depression that is harder to live with than it would have been to just warn the person, tell them they have crossed a line with me and pull away immediately and permanently.

Everyone's life and friendships are different, this might not help you at all. For me, tolerance of drug use as a victim-less crime is livable but abuse and addiction and actions that have negative consequences for others is not. People that behave badly are informed politely that it is not a good idea to do it again, then warned that since it has happened again anyway I am willing to walk away but don't want to, can we please work this out in some way that works for both of us? After that if it happens again, well I guess they wonder why I don't return calls or come around anymore. I retreat 100%, 100% of the time.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I can understand you being fragile right now. It is very painful to let go of toxic people, that we were friends with. It hurts alot. But you are doing the right thing for yourself. You do not need the crazymaking and the high drama.

The effects of a toxic person hurts worse than letting them go. I have had to let go of alot of people. It was d always very hard to do. But you are important. Your sanity depends on letting her go. I am so sorry she is hurting you so much.

I think it was brave and strong of you not to give her pills anymore. She will have to hit bottom before she reaches out for help. And some people do not have a bottom. It is a terrible thing you are going through but you will be ok, it will all turn out ok. One way or the other, it will be ok.

There are better times ahead for you, just wait and see. Big hugs.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Thank you both, those were powerful messages and set my thinking on a different path. I have to set CLEAR boundaries and stick to them!