Betrayed by Someone Like a Sister

[LNX25]

I never thought I’d experience betrayal from someone I considered a sister. My cousin, who was married, had an affair with her husband’s best friend—the same guy who had been pursuing me for years. We were all incredibly close, spending weekends together, and she even encouraged me to date him at one point.

When she finally revealed that she was leaving her husband to be with him, I was in shock and initially supportive. But as time passed, the situation made me deeply uncomfortable. I had confided in her about my past with him, how he had made advances toward me, and how I wasn’t sure he was a good person. Instead of hearing me out, she dismissed my concerns, convinced that he had changed.

What hurts the most is not just the betrayal, but the fact that my feelings and experiences were invalidated. I feel like I lost someone who was family to me, and I’m struggling with how to process everything.

Has anyone else been through something similar? How do you heal from betrayal like this?

 

[Movingforward10]

When you say he was pursuing you for years, do you mean that he was inappropriate with you, didn't listen to you and it was/is uncomfortable to be around him?
And the betrayal, that she hasn't recognised how that felt for you?

What do you mean by betrayal? . it's not great or kind behaviour to cheat on her husband, but people behave badly. It doesn't mean they are bad people but that we can all fall below standards we might expect from ourselves at times.

Have you told her how you feel?

Relationships change and it can feel like a great loss realising that the depth of a relationship is no longer there. So it's accepting the limitations in that relationship or walking away from it. Also, it may change again and you may be close again in the future. A lot is up to what you expect from her and what you accept.

 

[Sideways]

So it's accepting the limitations in that relationship or walking away from it. Also, it may change again and you may be close again in the future. A lot is up to what you expect from her and what you accept.

This is bang on.

Betrayal is so painful. No way around that. Being able to recognise that’s what’s hurting is itself a skill, because so often the detail can be incredibly distracting. Being able to identify, “I feel betrayed”, shows a tonne of insight.

People let us down. Humans are frail and fickle at times. Sometimes, in the long run, people who betrayed us come good again, and the question becomes one of whether or not to forgive.

But until then, you deserve to have good quality friends that you can trust. Friends you can count on. And right now, these folks have let you down, and probably that means being less vulnerable with them for a while, trusting them less, and giving yourself space to decide what you will and won’t accept from them (and others) moving forward.

Mod note:
You’ve put this in the Trauma Diaries forum, and I’m happy to leave it here if, over time, you’d like to simply work through the various things going on in your life here in this thread. Alternatively, if you intended to start this as a thread in the Relationships forum as a discrete topic, hit us up at Contact and we can shift the thread for you.