Relationship Birthday ..

[AngelBaby]

My birthday is this coming Thursday, I have a trip planned to see T and when I mentioned I was excited and all I wanted for my birthday was to see him, he replied back with “Tell me the date again babe. I told you you'd have to remind me all the time. I can't remember dates.” Is it normal for those who suffer from ptsd to forget birthdays or days that are important ?

I’m struggling internally with this. I’ve told him at least a dozen times what day my birthday is, we’ve had this trip planned for over a month, and he still forgets.

 

[EveHarrington]

It’s normal for guys to not remember dates. I’ve had to remind every guy I’ve ever been with of any significant date. None of them had PTSD. Many guys don’t care about birthdays and anniversaries and a lot even “forget” Valentine’s Day even though it’s always been February 14th. ?

 

[LuckiLee]

It is very normal with my combat veteran. His memory is getting worse too. We don't really celebrate birthdays or holidays on the day. We usually celebrate the weekend after or anytime during the month. I don't get birthday cards or Valentine's... We celebrate when we can. We celebrate each other all through the year. It used to upset me until I came here and learned it is normal.

When we have an event coming up I have to remind him multiple times. We use a calendar and post it notes and he can still forget.

I'd say it's a PTSD thing and not a guy thing though.

 

[Sweetpea76]

It’s normal for my vet too. He doesn’t do birthdays, holidays and anniversaries like people typically do. He’s better about it than he used to be, but it’s still not his thing. As far as forgetting, he doesn’t even know what day it is half the time.

*I* love special occasions, so I do them up... but if I waited for him to do something for my birthday I’d be waiting a long damn time. It’s not malicious on his part. He just didn’t celebrate life for a long time.

 

[Friday]

I now have and EXCUSE for being terrible with dates!!! :smug: Upside to a TBI that f*cked up my numbers/numerical recall.

But it’s just an excuse. I’ve been terrible with dates since the 90s.

Before I enlisted I was a typical girl about dates. I knew them all (mine, other people’s, holidays, etc.)...and they meant something, After I enlisted the only date I ever remembered was 10Nov1775. I don’t know if that was a gradual thing, or overnight, I didn’t notice it for several years. But when you have a hard time remembering when Christmas is? Several years in a row? And even when it’s tomorrow, or next thursday, or whatever? Even when you’ve spent the past month decorating and buying presents? It gets a bit too obvious not to miss.

Even my son’s birthday? Who is the single most important person in my life, and that I’ve always gone to huge lengths for his birthday? I spend about 2 months freaking out about it. Seriously. Like shaking, puking, wanting to eat my gun, quitting jobs, ... frantically checking the calendar 2 or 3 times a day, just to make sure I haven’t missed it. <<< And this was BEFORE my TBI. Just from the stress of being afraid of forgetting/missing it.

Dates just don’t mean anything to me. They don’t feel real. Like if I’m asking you to lunch on the second Tuesday in May, 6,000 years from now. That’s not real, right? Because we’ll both be dead. (Well, unless the immortality thing has the decency to kick in, before I’m too old to enjoy it.) So imagine we make that appointment. Now imagine you go into work tomorrow and it’s -somehow???- the second Wednesday in May, 8020. How could you miss something that wasn’t real? And then you get a phone call from me sobbing about how you totally f*cked me over, and don’t love me or respect me, and how hurt and angry I am at you, and how I waited and waited, and CLEARLY, since our friendship means nothing to you? I’m done. Goodbye. Now? Imagine that happens several times a year. Shrug. That’s my life. Before the TBI. I make dates, and set appointments, and stress myself out to the point of wanting to kill myself attempting to remember them... and I still miss them. Because 6,ooo years from now (also known as tomorrow, or possibly last week) just isn’t “real”.

 

[Ronin]

I remember birthdays, when I met who, anniversaries, what have you...

Working them into life as just another day or good proportion, good time, no stress?

Mission impossible is less impossible, comparatively.

Or: Even where not a memory issue?
The everything it's attached to makes stuff not doable. Mighta lose a year sooner than just wish someone happy holidays.

 

[Mee]

It’s normal for guys to not remember dates.

In my house it’s my husband who remembers dates. Before PTSD I had to remind him to send cards in ADVANCE of dates- but then I decided it wasn’t my job and he had to work out the emotional labour aspect or send ecards.

We now have an annual e card account ?. But he remembers the days . He also remembers our wedding anniversary better than me.

Birthdays are stressful. I don’t celebrate mine. BUT it’s important to my husband to celebrate his so I make the effort . It’s so much easier now than ever. Phone calendars etc. I find I Cannot forget the terrible anniversaries so trying to remember dates important to those I care about ( even if it’s not something I care about) feels like - it’s important to do for getting not too wrapped up in myself. :/.

 

[OrangeJulius]

I think this is the first year my boyfriend of 7ish years remembered my birthday without too much reminding. But in general he sucks with remembering dates and stuff. Is it just him or PTSD? I don't know. But readibg what @Friday said made a few moments in the past kind of "click" about what may have been going on..... hmmmmm......

 

[Mimi girl]

I forget names, dates, where I put things and lots more. I have been this way since I was quite young, in my thirties. Yes, I have PTSD.

 

[AngelBaby]

I now have and EXCUSE for being terrible with dates!!! :smug: Upside to a TBI that f*cked up my numbers/numerical recall.

But it’s just an excuse. I’ve been terrible with dates since the 90s.

Before I enlisted I was a typical girl about dates. I knew them all (mine, other people’s, holidays, etc.)...and they meant something, After I enlisted the only date I ever remembered was 10Nov1775. I don’t know if that was a gradual thing, or overnight, I didn’t notice it for several years. But when you have a hard time remembering when Christmas is? Several years in a row? And even when it’s tomorrow, or next thursday, or whatever? Even when you’ve spent the past month decorating and buying presents? It gets a bit too obvious not to miss.

Even my son’s birthday? Who is the single most important person in my life, and that I’ve always gone to huge lengths for his birthday? I spend about 2 months freaking out about it. Seriously. Like shaking, puking, wanting to eat my gun, quitting jobs, ... frantically checking the calendar 2 or 3 times a day, just to make sure I haven’t missed it. <<< And this was BEFORE my TBI. Just from the stress of being afraid of forgetting/missing it.

Dates just don’t mean anything to me. They don’t feel real. Like if I’m asking you to lunch on the second Tuesday in May, 6,000 years from now. That’s not real, right? Because we’ll both be dead. (Well, unless the immortality thing has the decency to kick in, before I’m too old to enjoy it.) So imagine we make that appointment. Now imagine you go into work tomorrow and it’s -somehow???- the second Wednesday in May, 8020. How could you miss something that wasn’t real? And then you get a phone call from me sobbing about how you totally f*cked me over, and don’t love me or respect me, and how hurt and angry I am at you, and how I waited and waited, and CLEARLY, since our friendship means nothing to you? I’m done. Goodbye. Now? Imagine that happens several times a year. Shrug. That’s my life. Before the TBI. I make dates, and set appointments, and stress myself out to the point of wanting to kill myself attempting to remember them... and I still miss them. Because 6,ooo years from now (also known as tomorrow, or possibly last week) just isn’t “real”.

I know there are times when he feels tremendous guilt for his inability to remember things, so I take that all into account when it comes to this. I still can’t help myself sometimes by feeling down as if I’m not as important to him as he is to me. When it comes to birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, I go all out and always surprise him. Maybe it is his ptsd? Maybe It’s a guy thing? Or perhaps we have different love languages? Your comment really got me thinking tho, put it in a different perspective so I understand alittle more how it is he’s thinking.

 

[Chris-duck]

I remember dates. But not really in relation to *now*. So I could list of my friends birthdays.. but it doesn't seem to make a difference to noticing when they're close

 

[Freida]

I suck at dates. If it's not in my calendar I won't remember it.
And even when I remember it I won't remember I'm supposed to "do" something
Unless I write it out --- "hubby bday this date -- buy this gift"

And when I'm in a bad phase? Toss it out the window.

It's not that I don't care. It's that I only have a small amount of brain cells firing for normal life because the rest are firing from hyper vigilance and what not.

Don't get me wrong -- it sucks and I feel like crap about it. But. Such is life.