Blocked Memory Triggers

[Tinyflame]

Just exactly the same for me, as @digger says above and that you said @tillybee . Because I just realized it, I now feel wonderful, because remembering more means I'm healing more. :) Can't say I can identify the triggers, but think oddly enough they are innocuous ones, ones from things in the background. One I have identified though, a large group of people moving, like a wave. But I am remembering more long-ago memories in general, for sure.

Just knowing that's playing a (huge-?, I think) part is really helpful to me. I don't have to 'solve' it all, it just helps to know why I'm feeling why I do.

Try not to worry. Reducing the stress seems to help with (my) nightmares. :hug:

 

[WhiteSwan]

My mother is weak! I have zero respect for her. Instead of being a mother she ignored the issues and carried on with her day to day life. So she didn't have the strength to do something about it and lives a lie everyday.

At least, although painful, my life is genuine and honest! And I would much rather be me, the black sheep with PTSD, than her in her fantasy world of 'perfect family'.

Hi everyone, this is my very first post here - in a snap-shot, I have only been diagnosed with severe PTSD in the last few weeks but I have suffered with it all my life (now 37). Sexual Trauma for me took place in my every early childhood and majority of my childhood.

I instantly related to your comments here Tillybee as I too have so many blocked memories and often I experience them in abstract form within my sleep (nightmares). I too have massive night sweats - waking up totally saturated and exhausted. I thought it was the medication (anti-depressants) causing it - then I also had a thyroid issue but I am still getting them now and then atm.

I also feel my family is in total denial. It was only after I split with my husband (at age 29) that they even dare ask the question... (and when I said 'yes' my mothers first words were "See I told you so!" (to my father). To me this was a complete insult... they knew all along and never did anything about it!?!!! more-so condemed me and made me to feel so bad all these years! In the public eye they play the perfect happy family and ironically all my brothers and sisters and parents including me are quite close - but it is all so false to me!

I have been advised by my medical team to not inform any of my family (only my husband knows - we reunited after a brief split 10 yrs ago) because they didn't validate me all those years ago... so why would they validate me now?!!! So true... so I am not telling them but I feel so much resentment atm... i know i need to get past this so I can start to heal but it is hard.

I am feeling so alone right now.. it takes so much energy to put on a 'front' that everything is OK when my whole life and what it has been seems to be falling away beneath me.

I am looking forward to getting to know many of you and if anyone else has had experiences of sexual trauma from early childhood resulting in a diagnosis of PTSD much later in life that would be great to chat.

 

[Hope4Now]

If your memory is blocked can something still trigger that blocked memory? And if so how are you to find the trigger if you can't remember? I think this has alot to do with my nightmares and night time panic attacks. The subconcious mind.

Yes. I went through a period a few years back when I was getting full blown panic attacks at night. Awful. They're back again but less intense. I don't remember my dreams. I'm starting to realize I don't remember a lot of things especially from my past. Something is trying to work its way into my consciousness because I have these sort of emotional flashbacks with no content, and I have pretty severe chronic pain and weird body movements etc. I always have the pain, but it gets worse with stress. The other stuff gets triggered but I don't understand what the triggers are. So my answer to your question is YES...things can trigger you even if your memory is blocked. I have sought a lot of advice on this forum about this, and everyone agrees that it is best to just take your time. Don't search for the memories or overanalyze. It is best if they come when you can handle them more or less rather than forcing the issue. Mindfulness meditation. Grounding practices. Self-care.

 

[PureDogs]

@Hope4Now

Thank you for your suggestion on not to search for memories or over analyze. I have been over analyze it lot before and cause too much stress for me. My anger increase when it happens so I decide to let it go until fade memories come in and use it as a puzzle to fill the whole picture.

It take time and it may take long or short time.

 

[tillybee]

@hope for now thank you for your honest answer - I think we are all struggling but I know now I'm not on my own :)

 

[WhiteSwan]

Hope4now - that is a great suggestion: Mindfulness meditation, Grounding practises and self-care. This is what my therapists have suggested for me atm - because I am way too hypervigilant I have to stay away from any insight/trauma memories ... but it is hard to particularly because it has all been 'dug up' so to speak with recent diagnosis and some initial probing into the trauma.

I am going to make it my mission on a daily basis to become present in the moment - become aware and grounded. My therapist said that using your 5 senses is a great way to do this. ie. when you go for a walk on the beach think about the feel of the sand on your feed, or how that hot cup of tea tastes and makes you feel.

Hey thanks for helping me feel less alone - I'm still coming to terms with the diagnosis

 

[shell]

For several months before I started getting memories back, I would wake every nights panicking and soaking wet, I couldn't remember what I was dreaming, it made no sense. Then the memories started coming back in dreams, then flashbacks started and it all made sense, and then I wished I never knew.