Body Image

[Lionheart]

I hate the way my body looks!!! This is due in part to abuse and due to being disabled. I do not feel good about my body and it is really starting to bother me.

The only way I can be sexual is with Viagra and a dark, dark room where I cannot be seen nude. Perhaps at age 50, this should not bother me so much, but it does. I have done a lot of work towards healing and feeling good about myself but this aspect of physicality really makes me uncomfortable and self-conscious.

Is anyone else here plagued by excessive modesty when it comes to body image? Do you hate the way you look and feel in your own skin? Do you think this is a common problem for those of us who were sexually abused as children? Am I being too superficial or do I just want to feel descent about myself and my sexuality?

 

[anon]

The very few times I have bothered to be open about this I have been made fun of for it because I shouldn't care :) W/E. Everybody cares. People who like to pretend they are so "above" caring what people think or how they look or how they feel reek of bullshit to me. ....Sorry, are my issues showing? Lol.

 

[cherryblossom]

I don't think negative body image is solely an issue for those who where sexually abuse as children. Nor do I think it is solely an issue for those who were sexually abused/assaulted as either an adult or a child.

I think a lot comes down to self confidence/self esteem. But sadly that is stripped away by abuse/ assault. Also many who have been sexually abused, have been subject to verbal abuse/ assault too ("you are useless", "you are dirty" etc), which further strips away at confidence.

I wasn't abused as a child (as was raped when an adult), but I hate my body. The only parts of me ever exposed are my forearms, my face, and my feet (in the summer). I always wear long trousers (never skirts or dresses) and I always wear tops with sleeves down to my elbows. I can't even consider any sort of sexual relationship.

:eek: I know that doesn't help. But you're not alone ;)

 

[Anna]

As said above, lots of people have issues with their body image. I think the only way is to learn to love yourself. Accept we are all human, noone is perfect. Everyone has a flaw of some kind. Everyone will grow older. Concentrate on the parts of yourself that you like.

 

[Lucycat]

I had a huge dislike of my body, but it really has improved since I started therapy. It is not something we have focused on, but has happened.

My T often asks me to reflect on the changes that have happened in me since I started seeing him, and I firstly go for the physical because that is what I know and understand better. Even the way in which I get dressed - like the 'order' in which I put my clothes on has changed. It may be trivial, but it is because I no longer feel threatened.

Of course he then asks me to think about the ways my thinking has changed, and that is reflected in the physical changes.

I can't say I 'like' my body, but I don't dislike it as much. It still lets me down, doesn't respond as I want, does not look as I would like, but isn't so bad.

 

[jadebear]

I've been married many years, and I still have a hard time letting my husband see me without clothes on. I'm just too self conscious about it.

I agree with CB that it comes down to self confidence/self esteem because even if I have zero fat on my body and at my lowest weight, I'm still self conscious. I don't even think it has anything to do with my physical appearance, I think it's all what's inside my mind, and what I think and believe about myself.

 

[pi314159]

I hate being looked at naked. It makes me feel dirty and soooooo self conscious. My boyfriend is always getting upset because I try and hide myself from him.

 

[PamelaR]

@pi314, I have hidden myself from my husband of 19 years. Just last year he broke down and cried and told me that he loves me so much, that he thinks I'm beautiful and that he wants "all" of me. Since then, I've covered up less, because I believed what he said, but I still can't be completely nude in front of him. I know that it's because of my abuse and things that were said to me when I was small. I absolutely hate my body and can't stand mirrors. This is a hard one for me to change.

 

[megnut]

I am in the throes of a bad time. I find it nearly impossible to shower, as I cannot stand to witness my own naked body. It has to get pretty ripe for me to take off my clothes and get in the shower. Then, I find myself disassociating or looking at the ceiling as I wash myself. Drying is even worse.

I got married three weeks ago. In the past week I have had several difficult episodes. I did not shower for a week, I cannot be naked in front of my husband. He has said things like, 'is this what I can expect for our marriage?' He had already witnessed this behavior before the marriage, so he knew what he was getting into. Probably my biggest issue here is that he just does not understand what I am going through. How can he? He has never walked a mile in my shoes.

I try soooo hard to explain to him the hows and whys of my feelings and behavior. What I often hear, not in so many words, is 'it's time to get over it, let it go.' I feel almost violated with these words. How can he be so callous? I feel so alone, like there is no one who can possibly understand me. I am in hopes to correct that condition by becoming more involved with this site.

<Edited by CB - paragraph breaks inserted for readability.>

 

[miss_isolated]

I think I made the decision when I was a teenager, to take out any disgust I felt towards my abusers body & face out on myself. I thought I deserved that and I was being a good person by taking it out on myself.

 

[Ice_Fire]

I struggle with this too. I hate myself. I have a skin problem too which doesn't help. I feel ugly and horrible. My self-esteem has always been low- stripped away as CB said. Literally for me- my mum used to make me strip, I hate undressing now. I'm slowly getting there with this now though. Declan is constantly telling me I'm beautiful and, although I don't believe him, it's working. I feel more relaxed around him.

Swimming baths/beaches etc are a definite no-go though. I don't think that will ever change.

 

[Prickly Daze]

I want to love my body, however it is also a source of my self-blaming for my rape. My rapist knew me when i was 250# and attacked me years later when I had lost 4 dress sizes. As I got smaller, I would get more street harassment and further scared me and made me believe thAt physical fitness actions increased my chances of harassment, like I brought all this on myself, even though logically I know this wasn't true. I quit carrying for my body through exercise and withdrew inward. I massaged my self with lotion head to toe daily to feel and appreciate my body, but I still struggle with loving my body and practicing healthy habits.