Body Memories-intense

[Desperatelyavoid]

I have been really struggling with very disturbing body memories and one in particular is getting more and more frequent. It feel so disgusting admitting it to anyone, but I'm hoping someone can relate. It first started just while laying in bed, but now it's multiple times a day and I can't even pinpoint the trigger but I feel him going inside me. It's getting so frequent that my vagina almost feels numb because it's been like used so much. When nothings actually happening?

 

[Nymeria]

Yes I had that frequently the first 6 months, mostly went I felt vulnerable or defenseless. I has gotten less though, if that is any consolation to you!
It has helped my to do protective imaginations, or grounding exercises or even the "5 things"-exercise (5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste).

The intrusions may keep coming, but it is in your power to shield yourself against them! I hope this helped a little :)

 

[Finchlet2]

Yes I feel this too and it destroys me every time. Try not to let go of the hear and now. Easier said than done right.? Ron tells me this all the time and i just want to scream I AM TRYING but its still sound advice. Sometimes though I do get sick of the assumption if you're not THERE yet. - there being completely in the here and now .- you're not still trying your flipping hardest to get THERE. Then there are times when you just don't feel worth the patience of being waited for while you find your way back to the hear and now. But please remember to anyone worth having in your life you are. Never feel embarrassed of this its a perfectly normal reaction to this trauma.

 

[turtlemoon]

Me too. For me, it is like I have been sharply kicked. Pain ranges from dull to so sharp I have to remember to breath. And then I want to break down and cry, sometimes I manage to fight back tears, sometimes some escape. Anytime contact with my partner turns remotely sexual, there it is. Sometimes we can be just cuddling, there it is. Maybe some guy walks past and I jump out of my skin, there it is. Someone gets angry around me, there it is.

I have a heck of a time with this. Of all my symptoms, this one drives me most crazy. It is like my body is betraying me all over again, and then it turns into a battle to fight off the thoughts and emotions that follow.

I agree with the grounding excercises. They are about all that keeps me sane. I do the name 5 things one, and also remind myself where I am, who I am with, and that I have control, that I am safe. It helps. Doesn't take it away, but it helps.

 

[MisterCatLady]

I get those. I had something interesting happen recently. I finally told my therapist about an event in detail. Now when the associated body memory happens, sometimes I imagine her doing it. Definite case of transference and it's uncomfortable to think of her in that way but it's so so much safer. I'm not suggesting this I'm just saying, I feel like there is a beacon of hope to separate the fear and disgust from the sensation. There is healing. That's a new concept for me.

 

[Lissar]

I'm experiencing this too.. so you're definitely not alone in it.