Bondaries

[soulsearcher]

I am having great difficulty on trying to set bondaries (physical, emotional and intellectual).

Was hoping all of you great people could give advice or suggestions.

Is this a common difficulty for people with PTSD??

 

[PureDogs]

@soulsearcher

It is depend on what kind situation.

Setting limits and boundaries is best to prevent any stresssors or triggers until you know what to do when you face it. Sometimes it could become beyond of control.

for me, yes sometimes because when I ask for space or stand up to telling others that I want to set limits but got in return of disrespectful.

I am not sure if this would be helpful.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sometimes we just need to practice saying "no". I know in my case, my mom tries to manipulate me into giving her what she wants. I used to cave as I thought I needed to in order for her to love me, but now I don't care.

Last week I told her about something I won and she expected me to give it to her. Uhm, not quite. She tried to manipulate me by saying "well, I took you out to dinner" but I had expected to pay half as we have done in the past. I didn't cave. She's not getting my prize!

 

[onesie]

It's basically believing that you too, deserve to be treated with respect, and courtesy. Not letting anyone, and I mean anyone make you do anything you don't feel comfortable doing. You have a voice, choices, and that is your right. That is true, for all of us. It's hard to get there though, because of things that remind our minds of the opposite.

 

[fly away home]

I had to laugh. I just got back from my T a few hours ago who told me the exact same thing. I need to set boundaries. It seems there are three steps:
1. I need to detect when I am feeling used or unhappy about the way I'm being treated. I need to see if I'm being emotionally abused. This is awareness.
2. I need to state clearly how I do want to be treated or what I need. I need to say stop if I'm being mistreated. How I get the courage to do this I don't know.
3. Then there is dealing with the reaction if the people whom you are setting boundaries with are used to not having any. This bit fils me with fear but apparently it can all be done.
Good luck with this. I would love to know how you go.

 

[franciemarnie]

As a child, my boundaries weren't respected. I learned not to have them. It felt natural - tho increasingly awful - as an adult for people to trample on them. And I unconsciously chose people who would.

Then came the day I began to become aware of my boundaries. That took time. And then learning to say, Whoa! No further. Back off. This is not okay. This is what I will not put up with.

It was hard, but gets easier.

 

[billie]

Yes I can relate, I had a therapy session dedicated to establishing boundaries in my life. It initiated good boundaries that with my psychologist prompting me to decide for myself what is right and wrong. I am working hard to validate them to gain self-worth.

 

[Barconian]

Boundaries are never easy! You can only do your best

 

[onesie]

I am better at setting boundaries. It took me taking a leap of faith. I fought through the anxious feelings, that attached to it. Imo. It made sense to me. If I can respect others, then why the heck could I not receive the same. To me, people who don't honor my heart, they are not worth the pain. I have had way too much. I let go of the ones that I felt, were not good for me. It gets easier, the more you do it.

 

[Spiderallis]

If I can respect others, then why the heck could I not receive the same.

Indeed! It's easier for me to see what an appropriate boundary would be by looking at it from the other side. If someone else were in my position, what would be reasonable for them to expect? It's not too much to ask for if I'd give that to someone else. I'm still working on how to express those needs and wants. It feels like a huge risk to point out when something hurts or bothers me. One of my abusers took aim for the sore spots so I learned it was less painful to go without than to be shamed and scolded for asking for basic human rights. I'm wading in by starting with small things and patient people. Each time I try and it results in getting my needs met, it gets easier.