LizardViolet
Silver Member
Things with my bf have been really good for the past few months. In fact, he moved several steps further along in trusting me and in affirming our relationship. He changed my name in his phone contacts to my actual name, where previously he would always give me some humorous tag. And this is very very big: he bought us rings.
Except we had a big disaster last week. I went over to his place after squaring things away at home...except they weren't completely squared away. My son was in a terrible mood, he was grumpy at the babysitter, and he finally completely melted down before bedtime while he was trying to get some homework done.
Meanwhile, over at my boyfriend's, he and I are having an intimate moment, and my phone goes off again and again. It's my husband. He rarely calls, he is very respectful of my time with my bf, but he is really upset and wants me to deal with the kid and his homework challenges and how he's doing too many extra-curriculars and has no time for homework and gets home exhausted and and and.
My bf is both a combat vet and the child of abusive parents. I've seen him get massively triggered by a friend arguing with his wife. And here am I, the person he is maybe the most vulnerable with, having an argument with my spouse right in front of him.
It was a huge trigger. We made it through the evening, partly because his best friend came over and he put on a good face. I wasn't sure whether to spend the night or give him space, but I opted to spend the night because sometimes just lying next to each other is healing for him. I left very early to get home and deal with morning family stuff. He was still freaked out the next day, and he's been upset since.
I've been trying to reassure him that things between my husband and me are fine (they are; we had a rough couple of days but everything has calmed down and we're working on the actual issues regarding the kid's homework and afterschool situation), and that what happened won't happen again. He's still freaked, though.
I'm not looking for advice, just venting. He'll pull himself together eventually. I was having a hard time for a couple of days because both of my guys were upset at the same time, and I really lean on my husband to be calm (which he mostly is). But I'm centered now. Just gotta wait.
Except we had a big disaster last week. I went over to his place after squaring things away at home...except they weren't completely squared away. My son was in a terrible mood, he was grumpy at the babysitter, and he finally completely melted down before bedtime while he was trying to get some homework done.
Meanwhile, over at my boyfriend's, he and I are having an intimate moment, and my phone goes off again and again. It's my husband. He rarely calls, he is very respectful of my time with my bf, but he is really upset and wants me to deal with the kid and his homework challenges and how he's doing too many extra-curriculars and has no time for homework and gets home exhausted and and and.
My bf is both a combat vet and the child of abusive parents. I've seen him get massively triggered by a friend arguing with his wife. And here am I, the person he is maybe the most vulnerable with, having an argument with my spouse right in front of him.
It was a huge trigger. We made it through the evening, partly because his best friend came over and he put on a good face. I wasn't sure whether to spend the night or give him space, but I opted to spend the night because sometimes just lying next to each other is healing for him. I left very early to get home and deal with morning family stuff. He was still freaked out the next day, and he's been upset since.
I've been trying to reassure him that things between my husband and me are fine (they are; we had a rough couple of days but everything has calmed down and we're working on the actual issues regarding the kid's homework and afterschool situation), and that what happened won't happen again. He's still freaked, though.
I'm not looking for advice, just venting. He'll pull himself together eventually. I was having a hard time for a couple of days because both of my guys were upset at the same time, and I really lean on my husband to be calm (which he mostly is). But I'm centered now. Just gotta wait.
