Relationship Boyfriend can’t handle stress of relationship?

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

Hi everyone.
I’m very new to PTSD.
My boyfriend got diagnosed a whole ago due a very traumatic experience. Before this w head a very happy and stable relationship of 5 years.
After his trauma things have been very hard, it’s been difficult to maintain a relationship.
He’s very distant, emotionally numb, has nightmares, flashbacks etc etc.

Recently we’ve been talking about future (marriage etc) something that we both looked forward to before trauma.

Now even our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend seems to stress him out. He feels like he’s ‘holding me back’ and putting burden on me, and is keeping me from moving on with life as he states that mentally he is not stable, therefor cannot give me a stable future.

He keeps talking about how time is going past, in a sense where time is such an urgency and how he ‘cannot give me what I deserve right now as he does not feel anything at all’

I’m so heartbroken about this. I’m so upset. I keep remembering our lovely memories together and it kills me. I never thought in my happiest times with him that it would end up like this.

Is this something that PTSD sufferers can familiarize themselves with? Because I keep feeling there’s something wrong with me

 

[Deleted member 44240]

Welcome,
I have to start by saying that what you and your bf are going through is quite normal for a ptsd relationship. Please remember not to take the irrational things he says personally because that’s most of time his ptsd talking. He’ll try to argue, want to break up, say hurtful things, etc., but just try to walk away when you hear him speaking or acting like that. Also, please try to take care of you and your feelings during crucial times like this as well, he may even leave for a while and return which is normal behavior for them as well. A ptsd relationship is extremely hard to maintain, so I wish you the best of luck. Some ptsd relationship have lasted for years, but the supporter was well equipped to handle things. I too am a supporter and my sufferer has ended our relationship due to some very irrational reasons, and who knows, he could have met someone else, but I am still here for him if he returns. I probably won’t be here as a partner, but I will support him mentally if needed. I had to learn the hard way that ptsd is probably the hardest fight I’ll ever have to encounter in life.

Best of luck

 

[LuckiLee]

Some people aren't healed enough for a relationship. My guy went through alot of relationships through the years.

Is your guy in therapy? J has been in therapy for 4 almost 5 years. And it's still very difficult. Relationships are stress. Good stress (marriage, babies, etc.) is still stress.

It's not you. PTSD is a mental disorder. Your guy has a mental illness. Keep researching. Reading. Videos. This forum....

You need to give him space right now. If he's stressed out you asking questions about your future will over flow his stress cup. (which it sounds like it is already).

Worry about you right now. Take care of your needs. Hang with your friends and family. Give him time. I understand your concern but he needs his space right now.

XO

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

Hi.
Thanks for everyones replies.
Boyfriend is starting with new therapist next week. Lets see how that goes.

To be honest I am really confused. I don't know if he is my boyfriend anymore? Last weekend, he had an incident that really reminded him of his trauma. Ever since then, he "relapsed" (sorry if use of word is wrong).
He has been telling me recently how he feels like he his holding me back, he cannot handle the stresses of a relationship (I think this comes from the fact that he knows that I do want a future with him, that I want to marry him etc etc. Its not that I am pushy and always talking about this, but its because when he was not unwell we used to plan these things, plan our wedding)

So really, I don't know if we are actually a couple at the moment as when he talks about it all he says is "i can't handle the stress of a relationship" but then he meets up with me as normal, has date nights etc? Should I ask "what are we"? I would think it would stress him out more? Im giving him space and letting him come to me, is that a good way of handling it?

I am just afraid that this is the end, and I don't want it to be. Its the most horrible, heartbreaking feeling to have years of memories of an amazing, loving, stable relationship where you have found "your person" and vice versa. And all of a sudden, he changes. He is just so tortured, he feels so down. He always says "I'm worthless". It breaks my heart. I just want to be a good supporter, but you guys are right..I need to take care of myself and focus on what makes me feel a bit happier.

If there is any other advice, please do let me know. I am so new to this, and I can't speak to my friends about it as they just do not understand what he is going through and think he is just acting horribly to me.

love to you all xx

 

[Mackie]

Hi
I'm new to the board but not a new supporter. I've been in a relationship with a Combat PTSD sufferer for over 4 years. I was in the military myself but was never in a combat situation. I had no idea what PTSD was until I met him. Since meeting him I've read a lot but of course there is always more to learn and of course made mistakes along the way too. I've been on that roller coaster ride and now try to keep myself grounded while he takes the ride. The honeymoon is of course over and it's hard to say what our current relationship is for him. When he asks me I always say my feelings for you have not changed and they haven't. I tell him I love him but he says he doesn't like to hear it so I keep it to a minimum. No need to cause stress. The part I'm struggling with now is the advice of hanging with family and friends. When I do that it tends to create tension between us and he disappears for a while. Recently I even tried to get him to join we on a short vacation and that backfired of course. I guess my question is ... How do you approach it so it doesn't cause the tension/disappearing?

 

[krisss]

Hi everyone.
I’m very new to PTSD.
My boyfriend got diagnosed a whole ago due a very traum...

You and I are in the same boat, let me know if you need someone to talk to