Relationship Boyfriend recently diagnosed with ptsd

[LA22]

So I'm new to this but could use the advice. My boyfriend is a vet and has been out of the marines for about 6 years. We have been dating for a little over a year. Recently he's got diagnosed with PTSD and luckily is seaking help from the local VA hospital. He works on the road most of the year so we are usually in a long distance kind of thing, well he's been off work for a month now and since he's been off I feel like our whole relationship has tanked. I know he is going through a lot right now so I can't make it about me but I'm new to this and he's just not the man he's normally been the last year. We had what I thought was a wonderful relationship and I thought we were even to the point of engagement. He lead me to believe that and even bought a ring but since he's been home he hasn't shown any interest in our future. He is adjusting to not working right now and says everyone is asking and hounding him to marry me. I don't bring it up anymore cause I know it's not happening any time soon. The thing about it is he doesn't want children he doesn't like them and it brings up stuff from combat that he is not share with me, he wants to continue therapy and even talked about couples therapy before we do anything. He wants I see if this is something he can get past and start a life with me or if we need to go our separate ways. I guess my question is how do I support him through all this, I can tell he is very depressed and I hate it for him, but the more he pushes away the more I become cold to towards him. Also if someone can Shead some light to the children thing and if it's something he can get passed, I don't feel loved by him right now, i don't think he is capable of love right now, I don't know how to get past it.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Has he always said he didn't want children? That may be something that he doesn't want to get passed. Not everybody wants to have kids, and you may have to decide if that's a deal breaker for you.

 

[EveHarrington]

If he doesn't want kids and you do, it's time to go your separate ways.

The kid issue isn't something you "get over" IMHO.

I suggest you read up on PTSD. Kids are incredibly stressful and shouldn't be brought into a situation with A) an untreated sufferer who (especially!) B) doesn't want kids.

I give him props (MAJOR props!!!) for knowing he doesn't want to bring children into this world.

The truth is that you don't know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone who has PTSD. Now you are seeing what it's really like, having to deal with the stressors of life, now that he is no longer on the road all the time. I'm not trying to be rude, but yes, I do know how easy it is to maintain relationships with people who are at a distance. These people have no idea what my life and PTSD struggles are really like because they are at a distance.

 

[Deanna]

I think talking about children ( especially) and marriage is way to abrasive at this time.

he wants to continue therapy and even talked about couples therapy before we do anything.

means he's smart. Not only is he looking out for his future, but yours as well.

 

[LA22]

Thanks everyone for your advice, my boyfriend before said he didn't want kids any time soon which I'm fine with waiting a few years for. I don't wanna give up on him but if our futures are no longer lining up I might have to do my own thing, we are in a lease together tulle OCT so I'm hoping to use this time to be there for him and see where it goes. Any other word of wisdom would be appreciated.