Brene Brown Ted Talks About Vulnerability

[TLight]

I've watched her talks and the interview with Oprah and for some odd reason I just feel like it's a pitch job. Like she's jumping on the personal growth/self help bandwagon. For some reason, and I can't pinpoint it, I just felt like she's disingenuous. I just didn't like her all that much. Like I wouldn't want to be friends with her in life .... never felt that way about other people, but with her I do. Hum...

 

[bell]

Throwing a wild card out here: I don't think that is possible to give people the kind of empathy and compassion they truly deserve unless we know our own sense of self worth. And... if we can't see our own self worth and truth, then how (honestly) can we see it in others? Doesn't having PTSD make us not-so-hot at this?

Saying this because this is what I have tackled, not that it necessarily rings true for others.

 

[Tinyflame]

I respect your opinion @bell, but I wholly disagree. If that were the case none of who or what or how I am would be possible. In fact, take that away and there would be nothing much of me left, really. I could only see that applying if one felt inclined to crush it in others though.

Even the forum here would be a good exapmle to the contary, I think, many here express a lack of self worth but most are I would say above-averagely empathetic and compassionate.

 

[bell]

That's totally fine for you to disagree!

It's just that I have noticed the quality of what I can give others (from my time and my energy, to the level of empathy and compassion) is much deeper as my level of self worth improves. For me, my self worth was always centered on self esteem (and therefore was self centric, even if I didn't want to believe it); therefore, improved self worth has brought about (for me) a much more potent empathic and compassionate response that I ever would have believed.

In other words, once I was less involved in obsessing (even though unconsciously) about myself, I found I had much much more to give others, even though I thought I had a whole lot to give before I started fixing up this old house! ;) Not that I'm totally fixed yet, by any means, but seeing improvement in this capacity spurns me on to keep working and pushing myself to get better.

 

[Tinyflame]

For me, mostly I give to others. I have to learn sometimes to not feel badly when I don't, because on the basis of compassion I can't say no.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Did you watch it @Survivor2Thriver ?

Yes. Briefly. I'm going to have to watch it again to fully grasp her mindset. I shut down where it said spiritual awakening = meltdown!

Turning negative energy in to positivity is my whole approach! The video was suggesting I was headed for a meltdown. Perhaps,that was the wine talking. ;)

After my therapy sessions I try to disengage my thoughts by going out to dinner with friends. I came home after a couple glasses of reisling and watched the video. I was still pondering how traumatic memories are just negative energy. Residual effects from being raised by psychopaths. I desperately want to release the trauma without reliving it. I could be wrong and if I am someone please tell me..but body memories are trapped negative energy. Right? It's my understanding EDMR can prompt traumatic memories. If there is a remote chance of a flashback or body memory surfacing..I'm out. Yes @Mary my T saw my extreme discomfort.

She can sense I've played it safe my entire life. I keep everyone is at arms length. My brave "little self" had to pretend to be 10ft tall and bulletproof. Somewhere in all the madness I chose it's better to lick my wounds rather than become one of them. The reality is I was terrified and in some ways still am. :eek: Nobody gets out for free...I have serious trust issues. I have to learn to be vulnerable.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

@bell Thanks for the link. I'll watch it. :)

 

[Valentino]

because on the basis of compassion I can't say no.

This might be worth exploring deeper, what are the assumptions behind this belief?

Saying no can be one of the most compassionate things to do in many situations. Often it's a start to self-compassion. Oprah had a gigantic break-through when she finally learned to say 'No'. It's not really about saying No to others, it's more about saying Yes to yourself. 'Save yourself first', as the airplane crash instructions say.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I'm guessing by the 'LOL' that you're either dismissive of the person suggesting it or of Brene Brown,

Dismissing neither. We have something to learn from everyone. My T made a very good call.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I shut down where it said spiritual awakening = meltdown!

You have every right to be very angry at me for this post and I may be entirely off the mark so feel free to not acknowledge this if it's easier for you. I'd also like to say that my wording seems very strong, but I could find the right wording, it's similar to this but much less so if that makes any sense.

A while ago I saw a post of yours and over time several more, they were blindly positive like either you were sticking your head in the ground and ignoring a whole lot or you were possibly deluded because everything just reinforced your notions of positivity. Refreshing approach although I personally found them distressing and that despite all their boundless happiness, massive warning signs/bells. This positivity you have is energetic and amazing, but it's so strong and all-encompassing, that it's like you're setting yourself up for failure - everyone has ups and downs and sometimes those downs need to processed to move on. Also it seems like you might overlook some things and end up putting yourself in some risk because of your happy go lucky attitude - luck is never 100%.

Ok, so I got this from a sentence here and a sentence there. But it really seemed to me like there is something odd (I know neither my place to say or to judge) about the way you have dealt with moving on from your abuse - and yet I wish I could do it, because it seems to be working pretty well for you - or at least by your happy and outgoing online exterior! I can't put my finger on what, but I wonder if you therapist thinks the same, that somehow you're using your positivity as a shield and a defense mechanism and for now any negativity adds to that shield and reinforces your positive attitude, my concern (and maybe your T's too) is that something will at some point cause a crack in that shield and then you'll be left with a whole lot of negativity to deal with and nothing to protect you from it.

I think the reason your T suggested you learn about vulnerability is I think you need some to start healing and then become stronger - right now you've slapped a couple of band-aids on a wound that really you need stitches for. When it bleeds through or something knocks it, you just cover it up a bit more - now you're going to need to take all those band-aids off, slowly and carefully, administer the stitches and then wrap it up and take good care of it - the good news is that way it will heal forever.

Sorry if I offended you.

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't find Survivor2T's attitude or mindset as blindly optimistic at all, only some parts I too do not have the courage personally to see as she does. I don't find it easy to put abusers in a 'bad' category per se, or wish (anyone) harm. Despite everything. But our experiences are different and I give S2T credit for that.

I also think if I say 'to love everyone' (for me) means everyone. But I also know forgiveness won't cure ptsd.

I think @Survivor2Thriver you have been very open about recognizing and accepting the challenges for and of vulnerability. Especially when (perhaps) it can be seen/ felt as a weakness to be exploited by some. I think way to go to be brave enough to post for feedback. :tup:

If S2T will indulge me only for one moment, I'd like to respond to:

..what are the assumptions behind this belief?.. Saying no can be one of the most compassionate things to do in many situations.. It's not really about saying No to others, it's more about saying Yes to yourself..

I do agree @Valentino but not in the majority of my instances. No assumptions, just the reality of knowing "I am the body on the spot", and knowing compassion is like exercise, talking about it is useless, it has to be 'done'. Perhaps because I have done without.

For example, I work with primarily seniors and those who are ill, or both. In many respects they are as dependent physically +/or mentally as children. I am also very experienced. As an example, yesterday, a visually-impaired woman stopped me and asked me why I didn't assist her, well that was because I had to get to work and was running late. As it turned out I could have anyway. However, I told her in the future to let me know if she needs it (I cannot mind read and to a certain degree people have to be able to choose what they are able to do, learn their limits. She has no cognitive issues).

However, within the first 2 hours I was helping someone who fell too ill to continue walking and was in an isolated area; prying open a tube; monitoring a stove; changing someone and their braces who had become incontinent; helping someone find where they lived; notifying a family (after gaining- and I do mean gaining) the person's permission to reveal that they had a fall, because they are afraid of repercussions, and checking them for bruises; fixing a tv; trying to talk to someone who was down. Why? Because, knowing what I know, the ill woman could not make it and could not turn back, and could not call for help; the person with the tube has dementia and is very independent and would be using a butcher knife (unsafely) as soon as I left; or climbing on a chair for the 'solution' (high risk of falls); the person without the stove would have no warm meal; the person incontinent was mortified and would not make it to dinner; the person 'lost' felt as lost and terrified as you or I if we were;the family member would very likely receive incomplete or worrisome info as regards the one that fell, they also need to know (and appear to want to) honestly their parent's level of impairment; the tv would provide hours to keep a person with dementia occupied and happy; the last person is deeply depressed. Etc etc. This was apart from the work I was actually there for.

Should I turn away? And think someone else will do it?

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Ok, so I got this from a sentence here and a sentence there. But it really seemed to me like there is something odd

My attitude comes from being the scapegoat in my family. The consistency of my abuse was/is healing in itself. It never waivered. My siblings had to ride the roller coaster of being perfect one day and bad the next. I thank God everyday I was the scapegoat in my family dynamic! The sheer absurdity of how they tried to shame/blame/abuse me is literally what saved me.

As a child I could see the difference. I didn't/don't take it personally. That was/is the key to how I saved my sanity in an otherwise insane environment.

I've been through hell. My motto has and always will be......~Never let them steal your joy. Ever. :)