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Building a sense of self

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Marvel545

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I've realised today that I don't know myself outside of talking with my Dad out of his abusive relationships. It's been a huge part of my life for the past 15 years, I'm now setting boundaries so they aren't a part of my life anymore.

My question is about moving forward. I don't know myself without this, I feel as though there is a big hole where life is.

Does anyone have any experience with this? Any tips on what you have done? I have some hobbies, should I do more of them?
 
I don't know myself without this, I feel as though there is a big hole where life is.

@Marvel545 I like your Profile Pic btw. Think there is a similar experience that I have been dealing with all these years...as if my biography has been cut into pieces and is being only presented in form of emotional flashbacks, significant moments popping up rather than a linear perception of my life story.

Also, due to the fact that we had to "survive" first. That was our primal goal for a very long time, which meant that we were very much focused on our environment. The self was way too busy finding all kinds of strategies to adapt and cope.

I have been told, its about naming/identifying those inner voices/feelings/Body sensations. The more I am able to grasp them the closer I can feel to something like being whole. Still learning...
 
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Thankyou :)

I completely agree, maybe I've been looking for external things to build myself, when I really should be looking into myself. Life became too much about pleasing others while falling apart inside.

I feel parts bubbling up. I guess I should try to listen to them.
 
I don’t like ChickFlicks as a general rule :wtf: That said? There’s an overly simplistic yet brilliantly done scene/arc in Runaway Bride (Julia Roberts) where the journalist asks each of her exFiancées how she likes her eggs. They each replied “Same as me...” scrambled, over easy, hard boiled, etc. Journalist asks her, and she can’t answer. She doesn’t know. Cut to the next scene with 50 zillion plates of eggs all over the place, as she’s finding out how she likes her eggs.

My life has taken several 180 degree turns, and that’s the answer in a nutshell. You have to try things. AND make judgments about them, rather than distance yourself from them (and not just “do” them because blah blah blah... you’re supposed to, it’s easier, someone else loves it, or any of dozens of reasons... but practice forming an opinion, altering opinions, deepening your own understanding, etc.).

It’s the one of the differences between surviving and living. Dealing with whatever, which you totally can because you have; and purposefully choosing, getting to know yourself through the prism of experience & priority. What do you value? What do you seek out? What do you love-like-don’t care about one way or the other-dislike-hate? How do you live your life when you can choose to live it any way you wish? What are you? Who do you want to be? How can you get there? What’s not quite, but almost right? Who do you admire? Big questions. All of them. And others. That you answer by doing.

My 2.02
 
Thank you for that post @Friday I've been thinking about it a lot for the past few hours. I've bookmarked it, because its that important to me.

I don't know what I like. I have an idea of some things, but certainly with work, I'm not sure. I've put myself last for so long, I'm unsure of what I like & what is just what I have to do & I'm telling myself I have to like it. It's hard to admit I've never truly tried. I've been distracted by just surviving, even when trauma hasn't been there, I've just been doing what I have to do to survive.
 
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