But a dream within a dream...

[shimmerz]

part of me is afraid that he really went through with it - and part of me is stuck in a loop of fear that it's happened or is happening or will happen etc.

I can absolutely relate to this. No doubt about it.

So, not sure if this will be helpful or not, but when I get caught in these loops, when I am not caught up in the thoughts, I strategize.

How will I save my daughter? Cat o' Nine Tails? Bring a bigger, stronger, more fierce version of myself to take care of him for good? A trip wire on the door?

Whatever you can come up with, if you can picture that in your mind - an ending - an empowering ending - an ending that puts an end to his even thinking about it for good.

It's a visualization that I would play with day after day after day. The brain is a fascinating thing. It doesn't at all know the difference between reality or not. You can make up any ending you want to and it will put your fear of this behind you.

I keep saying 'you' and I shouldn't be, sorry. This is what works for me, not necessarily you. However, I am way too something (?) to go back over the posting to change it to I. Please forgive.

 

[Mach123]

Sounds like "the matrix." I'm pretty sure I live in something like the matrix only it's my feelings painting the reality I think I see, not the machines. Occasionally I think I get little static images of actual reality, then I lapse back and wonder if I'll ever wake up again. Or maybe that part was the illusion and this is real?

 

[TTC18]

@Mach123 Yes, so many different realities. Who knows what's real and what's not?

@shimmerz - I actually used to do that to a really unhealthy level. I would lie awake at night replaying bad scenes and then thinking up new and creative ways they had actually ended well. But no matter how many times I came up with happy endings I'd just be back there again at the beginning going through all of it all over again. Like really long GIF. I had to force myself to stop because I just would lie there and rehash and rehash and rehash and rehash obsessively. And this really like remembering those situations, it's more like a feeling I get sometimes... Like .... 'This isn't real... something really bad happened and I just don't know it." I don't know if that makes any sense...