Sufferer C-pstd: Now What?

[Bullying Survivor]

After 27 years of anxiety and insomnia and disassociation and general fear and constant hyper-arousal (following a so-called childhood filled with intense childhood bullying and exteme parental neglect), I find out I have C-PTSD. First I had to have an intense breakdown, with tears, tears, more tears, anxiety through the roof, sleeplessness to finally understand that I have always been dealing with undigested trauma. My question is, now what?

Like many people on this forum, the diagnosis feels like a kind of relief to understand (finally) that I am not crazy, despite being told by my family for years that I am crazy, now what?

The long-buried grief feels overwhelming. The grief triggers anxiety, which is awful. The anxiety triggers insomnia, which leads to more anxiety, etc. The feelings and the anxiety switch back and forth and sometimes I have no idea why I am crying. Only that I can't stop.

I'm just beginning this journey and I'm 47 years old. So much time wasted in suffering, not knowing, self-blame, shoving down every feeling, disconnected from my body, anxious without knowing why (well, knowing why, but not wanting to know why...)

The healing jourey itself seems so scary and difficult. Thanks for listenting.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi Bullying Survivor, I am sorry you are in so much pain.It is very hard to spend so much time grieving. But you did not get this way overnight and you won't heal overnight. It will take as long as it takes. I am sorry you are having so many symptoms.

Are you seeing anyone about this? You could probably benefit from some kind of anxiety medication that is non addictive. I hope for you peace and healing. Keep on writing and getting it out of you. Mabe you could start a trauma diary in the section for that. It might really help you. I have done that and the responses are really helpful and supportive and encouraging.

Food for thought. You are not alone anymore. There are alot of people here who understand how you feel and what you are going through. I am wishing you the best. Big hugs.

 

[Zef]

Hi Bullying Survivor,
Your post sounds very familiar to me. . .I was 43 when my journey started. I've found lots of support and understanding here and hope you find the same. . .and some of your questions should be answered over time. . .although it can be painful wait sometimes.