Sufferer C-ptsd Sufferer Finally Getting Help, Emdr Therapy

[Chihiro1984]

Hi everyone. I ache for everyone that has to endure the struggles of PTSD. I personally feel very alienated, as if nobody understands the magnitude of my suffering.
I was first diagnosed with PTSD due to a trauma at age 18, when I was stalked, drugged and raped. I became pregnant and was forced an abortion by my mom. This is the short version but my mom had told me at the time not to tell anybody what happened because it would make our family look bad. This hindered my recovery.
Recently it dawned on me that my problems are much bigger than this incident. I discovered my mother has a narcisstic personality disorder and I was the scapegoat daughter. My entire existence was a mind$!#@ manipulated by my own mother. I read about narcisstic mom's and their scapegoat daughters and suddenly my whole life I could never explain all made sense.
So I did a 2 week partial hospitalization after an evaluation. And was diagnosed once again with PTSD. I started EMDR this week. And it has been tough bringing up old stuff I had suppressed for so long. Suddenly realizing how abusive my childhood was and that my own mother likely never loved me.
Anyway my goal is to finally fix myself no matter how hard it is, and even if I am disowned from the family over it. I am 32 and ready to start living my life on my own terms. It is just so hard right now with so much emotional pain and nightmares, and while feeling so alone.
Thank you anybody you read this whole thing. I appreciate you taking the time to hear my words. I've held them in for so long. <3

 

[Muted]

@Chihiro1984 I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I'm glad you have found this forum and hope you find much support here. It is a great outlet and someone is always here.

It sounds like you are determined to work through things and I hope we can all be a valuable support to you during this process. Welcome!

 

[ladee]

Welcome. What you have learned is very painful.. But hearing your determination is So beautiful!
Share all you need and want to. We hear you
Very glad you are here!

 

[Sophie's Daddy]

Welcome to this forum-your bravery and determination to continue finding resolution in approaching this challenge is a continuing challenge for me, too, and an inspiration.

I can relate to the scapegoating, and not figuring it out until it's effects have permeated my life.

t's always comforting to know I'm not alone in this regard; I'll be cheering for you, and returning your favor in sharing here-where it seems I learn something new every day- by sharing with you, too.

We'll never find ourselves alone here- Welcome!

 

[Chihiro1984]

Wow thank you everyone for your replies! It made me tear up just to read your kind responses and know that I'm not alone. It amazes me that 3 strangers would take time out of their day to post and offer encouragement.
My first session of EMDR this week made me feel more anxiety and brought back many feelings from childhood in a fresh loud way. It is comforting to know I found a place like this with people who understand. Thanks again everyone that wrote to me. It means so much to me.

 

[Richard45130]

Hi everyone. I ache for everyone that has to endure the struggles of PTSD. I personally feel very a...

I feel for you. I have never posted on a thread in my life, but I have recently realized that I was a victim of a narcissistic mother and older sister. Both used me as a whipping boy (my sister is 11 years older than me). Upon reflection I've realized that both my mother, my sister, and her husband are textbook sociopaths (people with no conscience) and that they truly enjoyed tormenting me. Until I began this journey into CPTSD my memory began at 11. I had virtually no memory of my childhood. My sister married when I was 11 and moved out of the house and my second sister moved off to college creating a fairly livable environment.

I feel for you and will pray for you and all victims of CPTSD. It seems so unfair that those that abused us seem to get away with it after leaving our lives in shambles. I am 46 years old and have a beautiful wife and 18 year old son and I own my own business, but anytime I have to be around my sister I feel like I'm six years old again. My mother can no longer abuse me however, she died in 2000. I am recovering but it is a terrible and painful process. Thank God for sites like this.

 

[alittlelostatsea]

Hiiii I am new to this website forum thing as well, and am in the preparation stages to begin EMDR.
I just wanted to send you a note relating to how incredibly hard even the preparation stages for EMDR have been for me. I will go about my day, then hours later it will all hit me and I will cry for hours on end. I know I struggle with feeling alone, but you should know that even though our traumatic experiences are different, I can empathize with you on your current therapy experience.